Say Cheese!

Yesterday was picture day at my girls school. This is a picture I took of them from my iPhone in the morning, to show what their hair looked like BEFORE recess.

Yeah, freakin' adorable. I know!

I've been a slacker

A few updates on my mundane life:

I'm finally entirely moved out of my old place, and un-packing hell has begun in my new place. I hate the fact that I have so much stuff. I really don't use it all or need it, but for some reason I'm afraid to get rid of stuff. Honestly, if a match were to be lit on the boxes I packed, I doubt I could even remember what half of it was. All this being said, I still love the new place, the new neighborhood, and my girls new school.

Speaking of my girls! They started 1st grade a couple of weeks ago. So far they think that having a hot lunch and two recesses is the bomb. Everything else is just stuff they have to deal with. They're both doing really well with their reading and writing, still seem to be a little behind in comprehension (much like I am!). Last week, they informed me that I no longer need to walk them to their door. I can just drop them off at the curb and they "know the directions to first grade". *sigh* that was a little hard for me to let go of. At least they'll still hug and kiss me in front of their friends.

My parents had their 48th anniversary yesterday, wow! Not bad for two people who were engaged the night they met. I gave up the illusion that their marriage and relationship was perfect a few years ago. That was a harsh reality to face! But they've hung in there, and remain and inspiration to me.

I haven't had TV or internet at home for the past month, because of the move and comcasts attitude of "We have no competition in the area, you just have to sit and be patient until we can be bothered to install". I finally got it yesterday! And the timing couldn't be better, there's a new episode of the new 90210 tonight! w00t!

She's got the look!

This weekend, I discovered a hidden talent in Alexa. A talent I've always wanted, but look constipated when I try.

Yes, ladies and gents-- Alexa can raise one eyebrow over another:



In her words, this makes her AWESOME!!

Who rocks my world?

My girls do!









One more with the ghetto horse down the road (whom they adore)!!



Today we had their year-end parent teacher conference. I can't BELIEVE that kindergarten is almost over. Didn't they just start?

I was excited for them to start. However I was not prepared for the emotions I felt as they walked into the door of the school, and away for me. Luckily for them, they had each others hand to hold. Still, they walked away from me, and into the school. They left my influence, for that of another, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Those sleepless nights, countless days watching Elmo, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and Mr. Rogers, were over. They were grown girls, ready to read, write, and learn. Not my babies anymore.

They're doing great. Their teacher said that she never needs to motivate them, they're just always happy to be there and excited to learn. May that always continue!They know all their letters, can count to 100, make friends easily, can skip, but can't dribble a ball or tie a bow. I suppose I should work on those things.

They make it easy and delightful to be their mommy!

Christmas Haiku

Tonight Emilie asked me
"Why don't the girl reindeer's fly?"
I had no answer.

General update on stuff and things

My daughter Emilie really did cut her hair. All of it. I'll post pictures after we get them taken this weekend, but it's pretty bad. Her hair looks like a little boy's. Hopefully it grows fast! Other than a trim one year ago, I've never cut their hair! SOMEONE (not me!!!) left her alone in a room with a pair of scissors. I know this happens to most little girls, but it never happened to me. And, usually, it's just the bangs, not the whole head. Whatchagonnado? Of course this would happen one week before her 6th birthday, when I was planning on taking them in to get their pictures taken. At least everyone can tell the difference between them now.

I'm almost done weaning myself off of my antidepressants, which I started taking last February. The weaning process has not been so bad, mentally. However, I notice that I'm suddenly experiencing emotions that I haven't felt in quite some time. At first I didn't know how to handle it, thought something is wrong with me, but then I took a step back and realized what is going on, so I'm able to handle it better. I probably offended lots of people along the way.

After some brown nosing, pestering and perseverance, I was able to get into a three day class at work (one that is taught at a university level, but crammed into three full days instead of a semester) and I love it! BUT, get this! Today, I realized, that some of my participation (raising my hand like a teachers pet), enthusiasm, and commentary to the lesson, was done with my second button on my blouse undone. The one that goes RIGHT over my cleavage. Exposing myself to the 25 other people in the room who turned to look at me every time I spoke, which was often.

So.... how was YOUR day?

My, how her talents have increased!

Do you recall the post I made last year about my daughters art skillz, that she got from me?

Well, she had to go and prove me wrong. Her skills have intensified to amazing levels! Luckily, she inherited this talent from her dad. I am not able to draw a straight line with a ruler!
Oh, you want me to prove it?

Okay, well check this out, drawn by my daughter Alexa, the same one who drew the "infamous bat":

I know you don't need me to explain that this is Bono, because of course you already knew that. Check out those glasses, and the microphone! The little brown critters next to him? Why, those are his chihuaua's. Like, duh!

The Great and Dreadful Day

For nearly 6 years I've been looking forward to this day. I remember hearing and seeing other moms talk about how this day brought them heartache and sadness, and I thought they were silly. There has to be everything in the world to look forward to on this day. This day marks the entry into freedom, growth, space, and overall happiness. Those other moms were just saying it made them sad, to make them feel like a better mom.

Then, it happened to me. What is it, you ask? Today, I began the process of registering my daughters.... for Kindergarten.

*sigh*

For the most part, I am happy and not sad. I've always been a working mom and have had guilt over the fact that I'm not at home with them each and every day. On the other hand, I selfishly love my independance and freedom while I work, and love being "Christy" for 8 hours every day. However, there is not a minute that passes, where I don't think about my blonde haired, blue eyed beauties. One of my daughters, Alexa, asked me once what I do when I get sad and miss them. I told her that I have pictures of them all over my walls at work, so when I get sad I can just look at them, think about how cute they are and how much I love them, and get happy. Then, she asked me to give her a picture of me so that she can do the same thing.

These two girls have been the loves of my life. There are times that I get frustrated and lose my patience to embarrassing levels, but I've never know more beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, and caring individuals. I have seen them stand up for each other "No mom, you are NOT taking her to the doctor to get shots. Take me!" , "It's okay if Alexa gets the last pair of spiderman socks today. I want to see her look cool!" (yes, they love spiderman and love their spiderman socks) , "Emilie, I love how you look when you're running in your sandals and wear capri's". These two angels are best little friends, friendly to others, sensitive, and inclusive. I couldn't ask to know, let alone raise, two better human beings. I am so lucky.

Just today, Emilie told me that she loves me to death and can't even stop hugging me. Alexa told me that she wishes she had a really big bum so that everyone can smell it. We all laughed, giggled, and snuggled.

In two weeks, they will start kindergarten. My perfect girls. They're not going to be the smartest in their class, they're going to be perfectly in the middle. They're going to make lots of new friends and dazzle their teacher(s). There is no doubt that for the rest of their life, they're going to be known as "The Twins". They'll have noteriety and popularity without trying, but I think they'll set a good example of how to be. I didn't ask for twins, I didn't hope for twins, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I just can't believe how fast time has flown. In another 6 years, they'll almost be 12. Unfathomable. I love my sweethearts more than life itself. I'm so lucky!

Still, selfishly, I am looking forward to kindergarten. Mostly, I can't wait to see how their minds grow!

That's my girl!

This is a conversation I overheard between my daughters:

Alexa: I'm going to marry Jacob [classmate] when I grow up because I love him!
Emilie: Does Jacob doesn't love Maya [another classmate]?
Alexa: Well Maya wants to marry Jacob, but he's just going to marry me!
Me: Alexa, why do you love Jacob?
Alexa: Because he rocks and I love his voice!
***then Alexa turns to speak directly to her sister***
Alexa: Emilie, I want to see his brain!

Are they not the cutest??

I took my daughters to their annual Kiddie Kandids outing tonight. It's always worth it because they do such a great job, even if I end up spending way too much money.

Here are my daughters for their combo 5 year/holiday pictures (because I'm too damn cheap!)



It's okay if you tell me that your own children are cuter, but don't you dare tell me that your next door neighbors nieces sister in law has cuter kids. Because then I'll cry.

No matter what you do, you're wrong

In one of my first Blog posts, I talked about sitting back and allowing my daughters to make their own choices. For Halloween, they finally decided to be cowgirls. This surprised me because I don't have an ounce of country in me, but this was better than their alternative choices of Robots or Dragons. For their birthday they wanted an Easy Bake Oven (yay! I get to re-live my childhood with that! Even if it takes 44 minutes to bake 4 cookies, in addition to the 15 minutes of pre-heat time.), and Ben 10 watches, and a llama. A soft llama. They got everything they asked for andthensome, so I'm at a loss as to what I'll do for Christmas. But that's neither here nor there, carrying on...

Today when we were driving home after pre-school, one of them said "Mommy, when we get big like you, can we do whatever we want?" I replied "Yes, when you get older, you get to do and go wherever you want." So they started talking amongst themselves:
Emilie: We get to go into whatever stores we want and buy whatever toys we want!
Alexa: Right! And we can buy prizes for little kids all we want!
Me: Yes, when you get bigger, if you want to spend all of your money on toys, then that's your choice. But I think you'll grow out of wanting to buy toys at that point.

Which got me thinking. I distinctly remember when I was about their age, I thought to myself "I can't wait until I'm older, then I don't have to go to church ever if I don't want to!". Even though I didn't want to go to church, I forced myself for many years in order to keep my parents happy. I told myself that I liked it and that I was happy, but I wasn't. I didn't feel like I could make my own decisions until I was at the end of the rope.

Why do I still feel like I need to keep my parents happy with my life choices? My parents did a lot of things right when raising me. I had an ideal childhood filled with tremendous opportunities and a lot of love and fun, I have no right to complain. I was never spanked or grounded when being disciplined. I was, however, given severe guilt trips. My mom can be a master manipulator. In many ways, I think that is worse than spanking or grounding.

It's hard to let go. It's time for me to no longer allow what my parents think, to have any impact on my decisions. I hope that my daughters will have a sense of freedom of being.

In the meantime, does anyone know of a step by step instruction manual on how to raise your children, with proven success? Because I just know that regardless what I do, I'll manage to somehow royally fuck their lives up. How was I ever allowed to become a parent?

Happy 5th Birthday to my sweethearts!

Five years ago today my world was changed forever. I had an outrageously high blood pressure, so my OB/GYN insisted on delivering my babies as soon as they were healthy enough to thrive. I was not ready yet-- as much pain and discomfort I had, I loved being pregnant and I did not want it to end. However, my body had grown weary, and it was too dangerous to let it continue. Alexa and Emilie were born on November 18, 2001 at 9:29 and 9:31 AM. Alexa was 6lb 15 oz, Emilie was 5lb 10 oz. There was a weight difference due to a slight case of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I was very lucky that they were as big and healthy as they were. They were born at 35 weeks, 6 days.


I actually asked my OB for a c-section. Baby A was head down and ready to be born, but baby B was breech. I wasn't dialated or effaced at all, and I was told that they could try to induce labor, but chances are it wouldn't happen and I may end up needing a c-section anyway, since baby B was still breech. No way in hell did I want a vaginal birth and a c-section, so I opted for the safe bet.

The epidural didn't take on me, so I had to have a spinal block. When I was in the operating room, my husband was sitting next to me and breathing very heavy... he's somewhat of a medical wimp. I was feeling great on the spinal block, and didn't feel like I needed him there, so I told him to leave, I was fine. I didn't want to worry about my body being cut open and him passing out. He stood at the door and watched while my anesthesiologist stood over me and gave me the play by play details of my daughters being born. "I see the first head... she has curly blonde hair! I see the second head... and she has curly blonde hair too!" Here they are, a few hours after birth (sorry the picture is small... all of my pictures are in storage right now and this is the best I could come up with):




After they were born, we became a freak show, and I can slightly understand what it's like to be a celebrity. We had people visiting us in the hospital, nonstop. We finally had to ask the nurses to not allow any more visitors, because my blood pressure wasn't going down and I wasn't getting any rest. People that I hardly knew wanted to come see the identical babies. Going to the store, restaurant, on a walk... it didn't matter. Complete strangers would see identical babies and come up to me asking me the most personal questions about my family history and fertility. I got used to it for the most part. I still have people who stare at us when I take them places, but we don't mind. The attention is harmless and comments are usually very kind.

Here they are one year ago... I'll post new pics after they're taken:



I'm so lucky to have them. My daughters are the brightest, most intelligent, and downright funny little girls I've ever had the pleasure to know, let alone raise. They are each others best friend, which is exactly what I hoped for when I found out I was pregnant with twin girls.



Here's the cake I made them for their birthday:



As a sidenote, today is also the anniversary of my first date with my husband, we've been together for 11 years. I suppose I should go make out with him or something.

My little freaks of nature

Five years ago today I had an amniocentesis. My OB/GYN wanted to check on the lungs of my babies to see if he could safely remove them from my body. He sent me home to rest and wait for a phone call, however I didn't make it home before being rushed to labor and delivery due to the severe cramping of my uterus. With this memory, I figured I would tell you about the shock of finding out I was pregnant with twins.

I had a very uneventful pregnancy. I wasn't very sick, I hadn't gained any weight, and I was a very happy and healthy mommy to be. My husband actually likes me better when I'm pregnant, apparently I'm nicer. I went to a check-up at 18 weeks, and my OB/GYN mentioned in passing "You're measuring 19 weeks, but that's not so uncommon. We'll continue to closely monitor your growth. Make an appointment for an Ultra Sound for next week, and I'll see you next month."

I mentioned this to my oldest sister who is psychic but she won't admit it, and she suggested "maybe you're pregnant with twins?" I said "That's not possible, twins don't run in either of our families and I didn't have any fertility troubles". "That doesn't matter," she said, "twin pregnancies can be spontaneous". I brushed it off, and bought a crib the next day.

The day of my ultrasound, I drank too much water. The technician was running very late, and I was in tears in the waiting room. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I just really really really wanted to pee but I wasn't allowed. The receptionist told me I could go let a little bit out, and I was highly offended. As if I could just pee a little!

It's finally my turn, and I'm accompanied by my husband, my mom, and my oldest sister. I get the jelly rubbed all over my belly, and the technician started her work. "Have you been in here before?" she asked me. I hadn't. She was pressing too hard and I was miserable. Then my mom said "Why does it look like there's two heads on that screen?" The technician said "That's because there are!". WHAT?!?!?

I pretty much freaked out right there on the table. "That's not possible! Twins don't run in our families! I didn't do anything for fertility! We didn't plan for two, we planned for one! I just bought a crib! I can't be pregnant with twins! That's NOT POSSIBLE!" My husband was standing to the side of me and he had a look of pure shock on his face. His jaw was to the floor. He didn't look happy, he didn't look sad. He was just.shocked. My mom and sister were both crying and getting excited and already making plans... "We're going to go buy you a matching crib today! And clothes! Have we determined the sexes yet?"

At this point, the technician could tell that baby A was a girl, but she couldn't figure out baby B. After she took all the necessary measurements and confirmed that both babies were growing very well and all was fine in womb land, she asked me if I wanted her to try to get baby B to the surface so she could determine the sex. At this point I really didn't care, I was too shocked and I really had to pee.

After leaving the Dr's office my mom told anyone who was in earshot that I was pregnant with twins. She immediately got on her phone and called every single person on her speed dial to spread the news. My husband and I went home in pure shock. "What the hell are we gonna do now? This wasn't part of the plans!"

The next 24 hours were pure emotion. I felt every single emotion that has ever been defined, and then some. Truth be told, I was mostly depressed. I never hoped for twins, and this was going to completely change our lives forever. But at the same time, this was like winning the lottery.

I'm still tripping out over the fact that I have twins... but I love it. I get to witness a special bond that most people never really get to see. I mourned the fact that I never got that one on one bonding with my babies, but I got to see the bond that my daughters share with each other. I remember when they were 4 months and I started them on rice cereal, they would always reach for each others hand before eating.

Luckily the amnio didn't put me in labor, and my OB/GYN wanted the lungs to develop for a few more days before he put my body out of its misery (I had pregnancy induced hypertension). I was sent home to do nothing more than lay in bed or get up to pee. And he wouldn't let me go see Harry Potter the next day, which really sucked because I changed my Dr's appointments around just for that reason. I blame it on Harry Potter.

Prepare for your hearts to melt

Weird... I posted this last night and it was still there this morning. I think blogger had a major hiccup. I'll try to re-cap what I said.

5 years ago this week I was put on strict bedrest (yet I STILL went to church... go figure!), and two weeks from today, my daughters will be 5. I've been pretty sentimental thinking about it, I'm amazed at how fast time flies. We took this picture a little over 4 years ago, and it's one of my favorite pictures of them, ever. Unfortunately it's just a scanned copy so the colors and sharpness aren't as brilliant as I would like.

The one on the right, in the pink sweater, is the one who drew the bat.

Since I get to do this post twice, I'll add another picture... another one of my favorites. They were about 8 months here, and my father in law snapped this at just the right moment. I call this picture "Dramedy":



This picture cracks me up every time I see it... this time it's the one on the left who is bawling that drew the bat.

Ros, to answer your question in the comments, there is no family history of twins, nor did we have any fertility issues. I like to call them "my little freaks of nature". I'll post more about the shock I experienced when I found out I was expecting twins another time.

She gets these skillz from me!

I'm married to an artist. It was actually one of his pickup lines on me. After he met me for the first time, he told me I had nice eyebrows. "WHAT?!?!" I said... his response was "You have really nice eyebrows. I'm an artist and I notice these things." Cue the sound effects... "Awwwww...."

I, on the other hand, can not draw a straight line with a ruler. I'm creatively challenged in pretty much every aspect, truth be told. I was hoping that my daughters would inherit my husbands artistic abilities, but sadly, it appears as though at least one of them got mine.

Below is a picture that my daughter drew on her treat bag from her pre-school Halloween party:



When I saw this bag I asked her what it was. She said that the blue thing on top is a spider. Okay, I can get that. "What's below your spider, sweetheart?" "That's a bat, mommy".

Wow. Um, wow.

I pay big bucks for this education

Tonight at dinner, daughter A says "Mommy, I had fun at pre-school today!"

"Oh really?" I say. "What did you do?"

"We learned all about Polumbus! And there were bad guys who thought the world was FLAT (claps hands together) but Polumbus knew that it was ROUND!"

Good on ya, girl. At least they're not learning that jesus wants them for a sunbeam anymore.

Choices

When my daughters were born I was completely overwhelmed. I went from a totally lazy, selfish lifestyle, to all the sudden having to be completely responsible for two other human beings. It was up to me to decide what they ate, when they ate, what they wore that day, what they did during the day, when they slept, when their diapers were changed, and who they got to see. 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

Taking this on was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life, and on more than one occasion, I had serious doubts that I was cut out for this. My first day home from the hospital I wanted all of us to go back, and continue having my meals brought to me 3 times a day, where all I had to do was lay in bed, watch TV, and hold babies. I realized that everyone would be much better parents if they made the babies stay at the hospital until they could sleep through the night and were potty trained.

My daughters are almost 5 now. They sleep through the night, go to the bathroom and wash their hands on their own. I still have to help them get dressed at prepare their food, but for the most part, they're pretty independant. I wasn't prepared for this. I got so used to making all the decisions in their lives, that I'm having a really hard time letting go, and letting them make their own decisions. Halloween is around the corner, and we've started talking about costumes. If it were up to me, my two beautiful blonde haired blue eyed beauties would be princesses, or ballerina's, or little U of U cheerleaders. No, they want to be dragons, or robots, or Darth Vader. I don't agree with this, but what can I do? I have to let them start making their own choices, right? As a parent, this is the hardest thing I've had to do- let go.

I decided to blog about this because if I publicly acknowledge the fact that I'm a control freak, perhaps I can do something about it. And if you have two little blonde haired darth vaders knocking on your door this halloween, be kind to them. This was their choice.