Choices

When my daughters were born I was completely overwhelmed. I went from a totally lazy, selfish lifestyle, to all the sudden having to be completely responsible for two other human beings. It was up to me to decide what they ate, when they ate, what they wore that day, what they did during the day, when they slept, when their diapers were changed, and who they got to see. 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

Taking this on was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life, and on more than one occasion, I had serious doubts that I was cut out for this. My first day home from the hospital I wanted all of us to go back, and continue having my meals brought to me 3 times a day, where all I had to do was lay in bed, watch TV, and hold babies. I realized that everyone would be much better parents if they made the babies stay at the hospital until they could sleep through the night and were potty trained.

My daughters are almost 5 now. They sleep through the night, go to the bathroom and wash their hands on their own. I still have to help them get dressed at prepare their food, but for the most part, they're pretty independant. I wasn't prepared for this. I got so used to making all the decisions in their lives, that I'm having a really hard time letting go, and letting them make their own decisions. Halloween is around the corner, and we've started talking about costumes. If it were up to me, my two beautiful blonde haired blue eyed beauties would be princesses, or ballerina's, or little U of U cheerleaders. No, they want to be dragons, or robots, or Darth Vader. I don't agree with this, but what can I do? I have to let them start making their own choices, right? As a parent, this is the hardest thing I've had to do- let go.

I decided to blog about this because if I publicly acknowledge the fact that I'm a control freak, perhaps I can do something about it. And if you have two little blonde haired darth vaders knocking on your door this halloween, be kind to them. This was their choice.