If that's what you're into!

This past weekend was glorious. The time spent in Park City with my friends was incredible, and ended all too soon. I hope we do this again next year! We had some great conversations, great food, fun times, dancing, coaster riding, zip-lining, hiking, hot tubbing, cops being called on us....

Oh yeah. The cops were called on us, TWICE! Once it was because some of the cars were parked diagonally (we did the best we could with limited pace. We ultimately accomodated the neighbors, even though the patrol said we were just fine.) The second time, the cops found us sitting in the living room and talking, listening to Enya. Yeah, big threat. At 8:30 at night!! oooooh. Be careful. Clearly, the cops saw nothing wrong, once again.

Unfortunately, because I took up running a month ago, my knees were in bad shape. I ignored the pain for so long, that by saturday, they were mostly out of comission. I had to use my upper body strength everywhere I went. I was in severe pain! Luckily, one of my friends is a doctor, and he called in a perscription of Lortab for me.

I spent saturday afternoon/evening on Lortab while everyone else went to a free reggae concert. These pills made me very, very happy and loopy. I sat and watched several episodes of "Flight of the Conchords". The following scene made me laugh SO MUCH, that I had to share it.



If you want me to, I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew, that's what you're into

You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' round, around you
You hangin' round, yeah you're there too

And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you
I'll take off all my clothes for you
If that's what you're into

How 'bout him in the nude?
If that's what you're into
In the nude in front of you
Is that what you'd wanna view?

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too
It could be a dream come true, providing that's what you are into

Is that what you're into?
Him and you in the nude?
That's what he's prepared to do
Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?

And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator
In the kitchen next to the pantry
You think that might be what you fancy?

In the buff, bein' rude
Doin' stuff with the food
Gettin' nude with his food
We heard that's what you are into

Then on our next date
well you could bring your roommate
I don't know if Stu is keen to
But maybe we could double team you

How 'bout you and two dudes?
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Bein' lewd with two dudes with food
Well that's if Stu's into it too

All the things I do
The things I'd do for you
If I only knew, that's what you're into

Time for R&R

I've been pretty stressed lately, have had a lot on my mind. Work's been busy, and yes, I'm still working out physically. I haven't blogged about it because I don't want to jinx it... but truth be told, life can only be great if you work at it. Things just don't come easily. At least not for me!

This weekend, some of my friends are embarking of our annual summer trip together. Last year we went to Las Vegas, and discovered that the most fun we had, was when we were all together, talking, relaxing, just having fun. This year, we decided to make our trip to Park City. It's close! Inexpensive! Fun!!!

We've rented a really great house just off of Main Street, we'll be in walking distance of most things. Some are planning on white water rafting, others are looking forward to outlet shopping. I hope to fit in a nice hike. Regardless, it's going to be great! I'm just looking forward to the rest, relaxation, and surrounding myself with some of my most favorite people for a few days.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I know Shakespeare is a dead white guy, but he knows his shit!

I love Shakespeare. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Shakespeare. William Shakespeare had a way with words, bar none to anyone else. Most importantly, no one can throw an insult like Shakespeare. While I love some of the modern day adaptations, I'm pretty much a purist. I don't need his words "Dumbed Down" for me. I take sincere pleasure in his lacy, frilly bitterness.

Some of my favorite Shakespeare insults:

Your bum is the greatest thing about you; so that in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great.

Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.

Drop into the rotten mouth of death.

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!

Thou art a wretch whose natural gifts were poor.

Thy kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.

Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose.

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

There is one modern day adaptation that I adore, on so many levels. This is the movie, "10 Things I Hate About You". This movie rocked my world from my first viewing of it. I've been told by many people, from different aspects of my life, that Julia Stiles character reminds them of me. I can't deny it-- I watch this movie and see myself, both in looks and attitude.



I won't explain why. Just watch the movie. :) 10 Things I Hate About You is an adaptation of "Taming of the Shrew".

"Just because you're beautiful, doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter!"

"Have you always been this selfish?"

"Remove head from sphincter, THEN drive!"

"Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?"

"Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties."

"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often."

"Why can't you be NORMAL?!?!"

"Where did you come from? Planet "Loser"?

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."

"Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it."

"What is it, Asshole Day?"

I confess, I watched this movie tonight, not just for Shakesperean adaptation greatness, but out of memory of Heath Ledger. This was the first movie I noticed him in, and have loved him since. His passing shocked me and saddened me greatly. He was phenominal in everything he's done. No, I haven't seen "The Dark Knight" yet, but I can't wait.

RIP Heath Ledger. He was more than just an amazing actor.

Facebook, Past Relationships, Guilty Pleasures... and other random thoughts

I'm working from home today, to test my employers catastrophe continuation plan. I've got VH1's top 20 playing in the background, for mindless noise. Don't judge- daytime TV really sucks and if I pop in a DVD, I'll be watching that and not working. (No, I'm not working right now, just taking a break!)

So one of the songs in the Top 20 is by the Pussycat Dolls. They're a guilty pleasure of mine, so I watched the video. If I had the looks and body to get away with what they do, you BET I would! I can't remember the name of the song, but the catchy chorus said something to the effect of "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it". This has always been a favorite saying of mine, because it's so true. We spend our lives wishing for, hoping for, wanting wanting WANTING, and then what happens when we get it? Either it fails to meet our expectations, or we tire of it and want more more MORE! It's like a dog or cat chasing their tail.

It reminded me of some of my past relationships, and the boys/men that I've pined for. Just like my most recent post of finding my dear Alexa on Facebook, I've also found past relationships and major crushes there. It's voyeuristically thrilling for me to peak in on their lives. I won't mention their names now like I have in the past, because I'm talking of how I see them today. One guy I'm still crushing on, and probably always will. He's turned into an amazing man who has done very well for himself. Even if he's a [self proclaimed] right wing nutjob, he's still sexy as hell (all in the intellect, baby!), and if he weren't happily married, I'd try to make my make-out fantasy happen. Another guy is the one that I have always wondered "What if....?" about. Now that I've had a peak into his world, I can wipe my brow in relief and think "Thank GOD nothing came of that!" Another one has a lovely jumper-clad wife. And that's all I will say about that! :)

Yeah... with one exception, I'm glad I didn't get what I wished for. Funny that. Certainly gives a gal some perspective, but it does make me wonder how or when I'll ever just be okay with what is? Until I know, my brain will keep thinking.

Technology and Innovation rocks!

As if you didn't already know....

Thank whoever is out there for Facebook. This last week, I was contacted by a dear friend that I've had for a very long time. I named my firstborn after her, which clearly means that she had a significant impact on my life.

When I was 7, my dad was transferred to Germany by his employer. Our entire family had to pack up and leave everything that we had ever known. Everything that was familiar. I was only 7, but had 4 older siblings and endured their lamenting. I was mostly sad about leaving behing my best friend Emilie (who I named my second-by-two-minutes-after!). I vividly remember the process. I remember my dad going ahead of us, a few months... while my mom packed up a house of 5 kids and all their junk. I had absolutely no clue what to expect. We had some friends who spent some time in Germany, come to our house and tell us about the Berlin Wall (This was 1982).

I remember the plane ride. My mom got me a little sailor dress to wear. We all dressed up to ride the plane. I remember saying goodbye to friends and family at the airport. I especially remember my grandmothers teary eyes taking a different shape. I got sick on the plane, and the flight attendants brought me coke. My mom and her 5 kids took up an entire middle section and window seats.

I was nervous, scared, but excited! I had an incredible family, so I never had a real sense of insecurity. Mostly, I was going to miss Emilie. She was my very best friend that I knew since she was born. But I was about to move into a 2 story house with stairs and a balcony! Our house in Utah was all on one level.

We moved to a very secluded village. My parents wanted us to have the real "German" experience, so my dad refused the airforce base housing. We had a mini-wall around our house, with a big field behind us, and the most gorgeous forrest across the street. If I recall correctly, this village was 30 minutes away from anything major. We were waaaay out there, in Vogelbach Germany. Living there was a real shock. No one spoke my language, and the money was so different looking. This was a major, major adjustment. There were a few other americans in the same village. One of them was close to my age, just one year younger! Her name is Alexa.

Alexa and I lived on the same street. Our mothers, while extremely different individuals with a huge difference in age, became fast friends. Alexa and I were pretty much inseperable. We were in each others lives for less than 2 years, but so much of that 2 years remains solid in my memory, and has absolutely shaped my life.

In that two years:
I got lost in Switzerland when traveling with her parents.
Same trip-- I dared her to run around the camping trailer without a shirt on. (I guess I've always been naughty)
We got our long hair cut into Annie perm's... (We loved the movie Annie!)
We had sleepovers nearly every weekend.
We went to church with each other.
My mom taught her how to say her "R"'s in our kitchen
We learned how to tell the time together
We equally loved the Smurfs!
We saw E.T. together in the theater!
We bought books of fake tattoo's together
I snuck into the forrest with her one day, hoping to find a swimming hole. My parents forbade me, but I did it anyway. My mom caught us. This was the first and only time I've ever been grounded.
We swam at the nearest pool. I can see the pool, I can remeber the grounds and entrance fee, but can't remember the name of the town. I think it began with an "R".
If neither of us had a toy that we wanted, we tried to find a way to make it. More importantly, we made it work for us!
We got our first wrist watches on the same Christmas.

Then the real emotions started:
Her parents started arguing, a lot. It turned into loud screaming matches. They would go in their room and close the door and fight... but Alexa's room was across the hall, and we could hear them. I told her that whenever my parents fought, I was afraid they would get a divorce. She didn't know what that meant, so I explained it to her.

One morning before school, she rang the doorbell, as she always did. She had breakfast at our house and we walked to the bus stop together. Except for this day, she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me "It's the bad word you taught me, that begins with "D"" I knew what she meant. Divorce. "Are your parents getting a divorce?" I asked. "Yes" she said. We hugged each other and bawled. I was 8 years old at the time, she was 7. This was the first time that Divorce ever hit close to home, and in my mind, it was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen.

Soon after, she, along with her mom and brother, moved away from Germany. I can still picture her turning around and waving at me, from the back seat of her car. She was my best friend, and then she was gone.

This was so hard for me. I still missed Emilie from the states, but now I missed Alexa, too. A few months from this time, my family moved back to Utah. Throughout the years, I had brief contact with Alexa. Her mom had business in Utah once that I can remember, so she visited us then. I talked to Alexa on the phone a few times, but most recently, it was just before I got married to Jeremy.

To recap: I talked to her 11 years ago, and haven't seen her since I was 8. I always knew I would name my first daughter after her. I love the name Alexa, and I loved the first Alexa I ever knew. I made a few attempts to contact her in the pas t11 years, but to no avail. Until last week, when I got a message from her on Facebook.

My god, this girl who is now a woman, is stunningly gorgeous. We had a long telephone conversation, and she still talks the same, laughs the same... wow! We've gone most of our lives not seeing each other, barely talking to each other, but absolutely pick up where we left off, and totally claim our love for each other. We've been in each others hearts and minds for so many years.

She's a rare, unique, gorgeous, amazing human being. I couldn't be more proud to name my daughter after her. Here is a picture of her, taken last year:


I can still see and hear the 7 year old in her. But that's non-important. To me, she is eternal. She is how she always was, and always will be. I'm so, so glad to have her in my life again!

@*#$&#$*&!!!

Just Fuck.

I've not had a lot of things go my way lately. I don't have a lot to be happy about. I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and keep going up, but I've gotta say, sometimes the world can really suck.

I've lived in a hole of an apartment since March 2007. My lease is up this month. I've advised that I'm out at the end of the month, and my search for a new place has begun.

I found the perfect place. It was perfect! It was new, it was safe and secure, and it was in my budget. When I toured the place, I found that there were 5 others interested. The lady giving the showing was obviously TBM, and didn't have a lot of time for me. I wore khaki capri's, and a black shirt. The shirt wasn't entirely garment friendly. I wore sandals as well, so my ankle tattoo was visible.

I found out that 5 other people were interested. When I submitted my application, I submitted a cover letter in which I noted that I've worked for the same company for 12 years, and am in a secure leadership position. I have 6 year old twins that I envision raising in such a safe environment. Plus I'm clean, quiet, considerate.

Tonight I got a phone call from the woman that they've rented the condo to someone else.

Fuck.

So, I tell her "I'm eagerly looking to rent. Can you please provide constructive feedback as to why I didn't get the apartment over others?" She made some reference as to her husband reviewing the applicants and calling the references, when I said "None of my references were called" Her reply was "Well we didn't call YOUR references" "Why Not?" I asked. "The other guy just looked better on paper."

"How so?" I asked. "Is it because I'm a single mother?" "No," she said, "We've rented to a single father for the past year."

I replied "Sure. But single men have the advantage over single women. Please tell me, how did the other look better on paper? I'm eagerly looking for a place to live, and am looking for specific feedback. If you're uncomfortable giving it, please refer me to your husband."

"Oh, I'm not uncomfortable with giving feedback. He looked better on paper because he said he was planning on staying in the city for the next 3 years..."

I cut her off. "My coverletter stated that I've had the same employer for 12 years, and in no danger of losing my job!"

"Oh, uh, well....," she stammared.

I told her that I found them to be sexist and unfair. Clearly, they didn't even look at the applications before deciding. It matters not, I have no recourse. Had they said that the other person had a higher income, or if they truly checked my credit or references, I would feel at peace. Not the case!

I make too much to qualify for lower income housing, but not enought for a good, secure place to raise my daughters.

I'm fuckin' screwed. I need a fuckin' break.

At last!

I finally got to meet my friend Dr. Ros!



I've known her for years, and wanted to meet her always! I feel so lucky for the opportunity.

SML was there, also. That woman rocks my world!! More pics of the gathering to follow.

Worth Repeating

I posted this waaaay in the early days of my blog. Now, again. The person whom this is for, knows it's for him:

Don't move
Don't talk out of time
Don't think
Don't worry
Everything's just fine
Just fine

Don't grab
Don't clutch
Don't hope for too much
Don't breathe
Don't achieve
Or grieve without leave

Don't check
Just balance on the fence
Don't answer
Don't ask
Don't try and make sense

Don't whisper
Don't talk
Don't run if you can walk
Don't cheat, compete
Don't miss the one beat

Don't travel by train
Don't eat
Don't spill
Don't piss in the drain
Don't make a will

Don't fill out any forms
Don't compensate
Don't cower
Don't crawl
Don't come around late
Don't hover at the gate

Don't take it on board
Don't fall on your sword
Just play another chord
If you feel you're getting bored
I feel numb
I feel numb
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
Don't change your brand Gimme what you got
Don't listen to the band
Don't gape Gimme what I don't get
Don't ape
Don't change your shape Gimme some more
Have another grape
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
I feel numb
Gimme some more
A piece of me, baby
I feel numb
Don't plead
Don't bridle
Don't shackle
Don't grind Gimme some more
Don't curve
Don't swerve I feel numb
Lie, die, serve Gimme some more
Don't theorize, realise, polarise I feel numb
Chance, dance,dismiss, apologise Gimme what you got
Gimme what I don't get
Gimme what you got
Too much is not enough
Don't spy I feel numb
Don't lie
Don't try
Imply
Detain
Explain
Start again I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't triumph
Don't coax
Don't cling
Don't hoax
Don't freak
Peak
Don't leak
Don't speak I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't struggle
Don't jerk
Don't collar
Don't work
Don't wish
Don't fish
Don't teach
Don't reach
I feel numb
Don't borrow Too much is not enough
Don't break I feel numb
Don't fence
Don't steal
Don't pass
Don't press
Don't try
Don't feel
Gimme some more
Don't touch I feel numb
Don't dive
Don't suffer
Don't rhyme
Don't fantasize
Don't rise
Don't lie
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

I feel numb

The Definition of "Please"

There are many definitions to the word "Please". (This reminds me of Bill Clinton saying "It depends on what the definition of "Is" is").

Such as:

A verb.
To give pleasure (It will please me if she brings me some cookies with my coffee)
A wish (Do as you please)
To have the kindness (If it's not too much trouble, will you please....)
To be at will (It will please your majesty if I fluff your pillows)

What's the point?

I had the TV on tonight. There was a commercial for Jack Daniels or Jim Beam, can't remember which, not important. At the end of the add, it said:



I've seen this before, but tonight it rubbed me the wrong way. Why does it need to be so polite?

"I will rock your world if you drink responsibly"
"I wish you would drink responsibly"
"If it's not out of your way, I would appreciate you to drink responsibly"
"George Bush will be happy if you drink responsibly"

Is any of this going to convince you, if you decide to NOT drink responsibly? I didn't think so.

I enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time, I won't lie. However, when it comes to drinking responsibly, we need not be polite.

Drink responsibly. Just do it. Yes, it's that simple. No favors required.

Edited to add: HA! Just after I hit "Publish Post", I saw a commercial for Captain Morgan's spiced rum. At the end of the commercial it just said "Drink Responsibly". They've got the right idea!

She's got the look!

This weekend, I discovered a hidden talent in Alexa. A talent I've always wanted, but look constipated when I try.

Yes, ladies and gents-- Alexa can raise one eyebrow over another:



In her words, this makes her AWESOME!!

Breakthrough: Exposing Myself

This post is going to be rather uncomfortable for me. I'm going to open myself up and reveal some aspects of myself that I've kept hidden from most everyone.

I was driving around today from one end of the Salt Lake Valley to north of Salt Lake Valley. Granted, it is Sunday in Utah so there are definitely less cars on the road, but still, I was navigating the lanes like a pro.

This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but for me, it is huge. You see, for several years, freeway driving was a terrifying nightmare. Let me back up a bit: I used to be "the best driver ever!" hehe. I commuted 20 miles to and from work daily. Rain/Snow/Rush Hour didn't bother me. I was confident and good at driving. One morning, the day after Thanksgiving 1996, there was a horrible snowstorm. I was not worried, because like I said, I was good. I drove slowly, and gave myself extra time to get to work. One icy bridge, a couple of 360's and a smashed up car later, I realized I was not invincible.

I got right back on the horse and drove on the freeways in the snow again, but each time I was terrified. Remembering in the back of my mind what *could* happen. I put myself into therapy at the time, however I started calling in sick or taking personal days whenever the weather was bad. I would freak out, panic, and obsess over weather forecasts. I would watch multiple channels a night, creating my own statistics tracker even-- this would continue for several years. A little over a year after the accident, I got married, and insisted that we live close to my work. The area was not desireable, but the commute was what mattered. When we bought our house, we knew the neighborhood was crappy, but it was 3 miles from my work. There were some great new homes being built just a few more miles west, which would have cost the same as the house we bought, but I simply would not entertain the idea of a long commute.

Also during this time, I stopped driving on freeways altogether. To my defense, Interstate 15 was under a massive reconstruction project and I didn't want to play that game, but my fear extended to all other nearby freeways. Hell, I wouldn't even allow Jeremy to drive on them when I was in the car with him. It was backroads all the way. It took us 45 minutes to get to my parents house, instead of 25.

I became a prisoner of my own fear.
I lost out on a lot of time... all those years of an extra 40 minutes just to visit my parents. I visit them a lot.
I could have had a house that doubled in value. Instead, my house only went up 50% by the time we ended our marriage and sold it.
I missed work. I missed opportunities. I pretty much became a recluse, because I knew my home was safe.
All of this lead to a stunted emotional growth.

Something inside of me snapped a few years ago, and by taking baby steps, I overcame my fear of not only driving in the snow, but in general. I'm confident again. I'm a good driver again. I have no guarantees that this feeling will stay, but I sure hope so.

I could look back on all of this full of regrets. If I didn't imprison myself, where would I be now? I try not to think about it. The possibilities were astronomical. Regretting will only make me bitter. Instead, I realize what's behind me is done, and I move onward and upward. (I hope).

For some reason, thinking of all of this today, made me think about a former boyfriend of mine. Our chemistry was mindblowing, I know he knew that. I was his first real relationship since his marriage. However, his marriage left him traumatized and damaged. I gave him everything he needed and wanted, but when things were getting serious, he withdrew. No matter how hard I tried to get him to trust me and lean on me, he couldn't. He remembered how bad it could be. Just like I tried to drive the freeways, he tried to have a relationship. But he was scared. Even though I could have been something/someone great with spectacular opportunities and possibilities, the idea was terrifying.

It wasn't me. It wasn't anything I did. We had some minor conflicts, but nothing severe or out of the ordinary. That wasn't the point. He wasn't ready to let go of his fears. It all seems so clear to me now. I can finally stop blaming myself!

I hope that one day, he'll be able to dissolve his fears and have a happy, healthy relationship. They can and do exist, most of my awesome friends are proof of that. Sometimes I drive on the freeway and there's snow or heavy traffic, but I drive it carefully instead of finding the nearest exit. I wished I was the one he endure the rush-hour with, but it wasn't so.

Now I'm going to get all Disney/Pixar on yo' ass! This reminds me of a scene in "Finding Nemo", where Dory and Marlin are hanging on to a tastebud of a whales tongue, when the whale instructs them to let go and fall down.

Marlin: How do you know that nothing bad won't happen?
Dory: I don't.

There's no way of knowing if something bad *could* happen. Bad things happen all the time. But learning to work through those situations and trusting again, are key elements. If Marlin didn't have Dory to push him against his instincts, he never would have found Nemo.

Who'da thunk I would find such clarity from freeway driving, and Disney/Pixar? :)

The Robot has a wedgie!

My mom has a large white refridgerator at her house. In the drawer next to the fridge, she keeps washable markers. When the grandkids visit, they love doodling directly on the fridge, how fun! My girls had a slumber party at my mom's house last night, and drew a big robot on the fridge.
My mom noticed a little something between the robots legs and asked them about it. Apparently, it's his wedgie.

I'd be nothing without my girlfriends!

I love my girlfriends. ALL of them. I love the bond that women have. I love that when women are in crisis, all catty pettyness is shelved and *most* women feel natural compassion.


Girls rule and boys drool! (kidding! Still accepting boyfriend applications!)


When I was in Jr. High, I read an article in a teen magazine saying that regardless, girls will always stick together when it comes to periods. I found this to be true after a dance class in High School, when my arch-rival's BFF offered me a tampon in a moment of desperation from the bathroom stall.


Women stick together when tragedy presents itself. I dig it!


Last Sunday, I, along with 5 of my best friends, went shopping for adorable clothes and to see the latest chick flick:

It's still too new to give my opinion or a review; I'll just say that it made me love my girlfriends more than ever. I'm so lucky to be surrounded by amazing women (includeing more women than those who saw the movie with me).

I'm so glad to be part of the species. We're an amazing bunch! Please-- let bygones by bygones, celebrate your femininity and power, and rock on!! We can do anything!

(PS- Know Mr. Big? Help a girl out?-?)

I <3 Ludo!

One of my BFF's, Kimberly, has already posted about this band. I had heard them on the radio a couple of times, and seeing her post made me remember to pick the album up.

I won't repeat what she wrote, you can see it here!

But still, I'll introduce their video. I love this song, and the video is so great. The lyrics are poetic and poignant.




Love me cancerously

Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea.

'High-maintenance' means

You're a gluttonous queen

Narcissistic and mean.

Kill me romantically

Fill my soul with vomit

Then ask me for a piece of gum.

Bitter and dumb

You're my sugarplum.

You're awful, I love you!

CHORUS

She moves through moonbeams slowly

She knows just how to hold me

And when her edges soften

Her body is my coffin

I know she drains me slowly

She wears me down to bones in bed

Must be the sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead! Love me dead!

You're a faith-healer on T.V.

You're an office park without any trees

Corporate and cold

Gushing for gold

Leave me alone.

You suck so passionately

You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature finger-bangin' my heart

You call me up drunk

Does the fun ever start?

You're hideous and sexy!

REPEAT CHORUS

Must be the sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead! Love me dead!

SOLO

Love me cancerously

Brrrot-dot-da-d-da-da!

How's your new boy?

Does he know about me?

You've got the mark of the beast.

You're born of a jackal!

You're beautiful!

REPEAT CHORUS

Wha' 'bout that sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead!

iBlog again

I really wish that the whole "What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas" thing would apply to my credit card bills.

Gone and Done It

A couple of posts ago, I said I needed a new haircut, or get back into therapy. I opted for the new haircut!



This is an A-line haircut; shorter in the back, gradually longer in the front. Plus the dye has a bit more red in it.

I love it! If for no other reason, than it's HEALTHY!! Bye-Bye split ends!

Hopefully this will do the trick!

I wanna rock!

Nothing better than beating a week of blues by partying with a Diez De Mayo party, hosted by some of my most amazing friends.

Not only are they and their ideas awesome, but their FOOD. OH. MY. GOD.

G&T are the best cooks I know. Anything they do, and I mean ANYTHING, is gourmet. They spoil me.

They made taco's.

Not just taco's. But steak, with onions and tasty hot peppers. And Chicken. And a choice of warmed corn or flour tortilla's. And homemade salsa, medium or hot. And homemade guacamole. And homemade corn/mango/onion/jicama/cilantro salad. Not to mention the homemade tres-de-leches cupcakes with sliced straweberries on top. Or the plentitude of high-end-tequila's.

Wow!! My friends ROCK!!!

Not just figuratively, but literally!

Here are some of us, getting ready for our jam session:



And jus' me, doing somethingIdunno:



Hopefully we'll have several more sessions of real life jamming. I'm amazed by their talent. Even more amazed that they asked me to sing!

Something's gotta give

This morning, I woke up in a serious funk. I didn't oversleep, but I was late for work. I just couldn't move. I looked at my closet, and hated all of my clothes. When I was in the shower, I got soap in my eyes. I haven't had soap in my eyes since... well, ever. I looked in the mirror and felt disgust with my hair. I was dissatisfied with my face.

The drive to work, and the walk in the building, was surreal. I just didn't want to do it today. Luckily I have cool co-workers and enjoy being around them, but I had zero passion for my work. The eight hours I spent in the office felt like an eternity.

I went to the gym, but didn't see the point. I didn't even get my usual rush when I was done.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom, this is not normal for me. I think I need to get back into therapy. Or get a drastic hair cut. Or both.

I beg you!

PLEASE!!!

Will someone find me John Cusak

Or Colin Firth?



How about a perfect combination of both.

Pretty please???

How to win my heart... or not. Whatever. And other things.

I was on a blogging streak for awhile there, but my life took some unexpected turns this week, which threw blogging and exercising for a loop. Now you know my health update.

I rarely discuss my current dating life, but here goes.

A few weeks ago I posted a blurry pic of me with some guy. He's still around, but I rarely get to see him. He travels extensively for work, plus he's got a busy life of his own. I really like this guy... he's respectful, kind, motivated, into me, intelligent, good looking, we have excellent chemistry... the whole package. If given the chance, I could totally fall for this guy. But I have a hard time reading him. Considering I rarely get to see him, I don't want to make things intense and dramatic when I do. I'm an excellent judge of character-- I feel like he likes to be with me when he can, but he's got a lot of other stuff going on. To keep myself sane, I remain casual, appreciating what I can, when I can. We have never discussed being exclusive, although I don't believe he is seeing anyone else (with what free time?), we're not at that next level.

This is difficult for me because I want to be at that level. I really want a boyfriend. I want someone that I can experience lifes ups and downs with. I want someone who will send me a random text from time to time saying something like "Hey, I'm thinking about your great smile, have a wonderful day!". Someone to bring to family dinners, and have him be proud to introduce me to his family. I want someone who can't get enough of me, but is okay spending some time apart.

Am I asking for too much? I don't think so.

So, I agreed to go out with a new guy last Friday. This guy has been persistant with me, which I dig. He pulled out the big guns and asked me out to the Melting Pot, which I love. We have a lot in common. Plus, he has a good job, lives in a nice house, and drives a nice car. All plusses, right? On our way to the restaurant, he's driving relatively crazy. He's in and out of the carpool lane (apparently the rules don't apply to him), flighty in conversation, always always wears a baseball cap. These things are not so cool to me.

We get to the restaurant, which has a full bar, and he orders Bud Light. Come on. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but I know good beer. Bud Light? Then, he starts off the conversation telling me that he's prejudiced against the asian race. Um, hello?!?!? For real? The fact that you freely talk about it, is #1, and I think the asian culture is awesome, #2. I wasn't sure what to say. He made a few derrogatory comments which I brushed off, changed the conversation, okay. Dinner is over, and we discuss options for after. It was only 8:30, I didn't want to go home. He tells me "I know of this bar that is totally white trash. The clientelle, the band, everything. I don't go there often, but it's close to my house." I agree, and off we go.

At this point, I can tell that he's really into me. Honestly, I get the feeling based on comments and gestures, that he wants to take me home. I'm not so interested. We go to the bar, the bouncer recognizes him, and he's hugging people as we pass. I thought he said he doesn't go there often? Okay... THEN, we get to the bar to order drinks, and he starts talking to these frat guys who are there. What about? I couldn't say. His back was to me and he never bothered to include or introduce me. Luckily I have my iPhone to keep me entertained, so I find a chair and sit. He turns to me, shakes my knee, and says "Sorry!" and orders our drinks. Not so long after, a waitress notices his ball cap, and starts talking to him about it. He doesn't just politely answer, but then continues to engage her in conversation. After she leaves, I say "I was about to write your number down on the napkin and hand it to her."

I know I'm not into this guy at this point, but I still feel like I should be respected. Then he gets up to order more drinks for us, and I see him flirting with some chick at the bar. Okay, no, I'm not into him. But come on, he's on a date. With ME. I'm worth more than that. He comes back to the table, and I say "Did you get her number??" And he says "No, I go up there to order our drinks, and she asks me what I'm having!" So I said "That's when you should say 'I'm having THIS, my date is having THAT." Seriously, he was flirting, not just answering her question. So we sit there in silence, drinking our drinks. Then he says "Do you want to get out of here?" I said yes. He goes to close out his tab, and he's flirting with the same girl. So I walk up to her, with my iPhone in my hand, with his information (home and cell number) on my screen. I say to her "Would you like his number? Here, you have your choice." She was shocked and bewildered and said no, I don't. I tried to get her to take it down, but she wouldn't. I see he's done, so I storm out ahead of him.

No, I'm not into him. But he was downright disrespectful. I've never been treated like this, not ever. Even my worst date ever (when I was 19), was better than this. This is my new worst date ever. On the way back to his place, where my car was parked, he says "If someone talks to me, I'm not going to be rude and ignore them." and I say "There's a difference between politely answering their questions, and engaging them in conversation." I also made it clear that he crossed the line, and I'm a great catch, who is worth more than the treatment he gave me. He said nothing. After several more minutes of silence, I say "You know, I have never been treated like shit, the way you treated me. Thanks for giving me the worst treatment I've EVER received." In which he says "No problem." We pull up to his house, I jump out of his car and into my own, and all this takes place before 10PM.

Had he apologized the next day, I would have given him an ounce of respect. But now, no. Nope. Not ever. I've been spoiled by some really great guys.