A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

Why not? I've got the forum, I have some readers, perhaps this will bring others out of the woodwork.

"Why not" what?

Oh, that. Yeah. I need a boyfriend. I've got everything else going for me, and I'm a pretty great catch. Let's face it, I make a kick ass girlfriend. I stole the below "Boyfriend Application" from someone else's blog, but she posted hers nearly three years ago, so I'm assuming she already got her boyfriend. If Tish runs across this, I hope she is satisified with helping me, and realizes that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. (Thanks Tish!)

In addition, if you'll look to the upper left hand corner of my blog, click on my profile, you'll see that you can now Email me. I haven't had that before, because my email address contained my first AND last name. However, I got me some smarts, and created a new email address Just For This Blog!! It's true! I know (because I can track it) that there are a lot of people who lurk on my blog but never comment. If you'd like to talk to me about stuff that I post but aren't comfortable doing it in public, and you don't know me so you don't know my email addy, now you can!

I present to you, my boyfriend application.

BOYFRIEND APPLICATION

Name (First, Middle, and Last please!) ______________________________________________

Birthdate __________________ Zodiac Sign __________________________

Occupation ____________________________________________________________________

Long Term Goals: ______________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever been married? Yes No
If yes, why did you divorce? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(If you are still married, please discard this application immediately.)

Name and phone number of your ex-wife ____________________________________________

How often do you see and/or speak to your ex?

• Never. She mysteriously disappeared after our divorce.
• Never. She mysteriously disappeared before our divorce.
• Never. The restraining order prevents it.
• I peer through the windows when she’s not looking.
• All the time.
• We still live together.
• Other ___________________________________________________________________
  
  Do you have children? Yes No
  If no, would you like to have them one day? Yes No
  Have you ever received an intentional knee to the groin? Yes No
  If yes, would you be willing to undergo a medical examination to rule out the possibility of sterility? Yes No
  Names, ages, and genders of your children: __________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
  (If above lines offer insufficient space, you are not eligible for this position.)

Do you have a penis? Yes No (Answering no will not necessarily disqualify you, provided that you can compensate for your inadequacy.)
How do you plan to compensate?___________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(Feel free to attach photographs and/or diagrams.)

Can your body withstand long nights of sex with little or no sleep? Yes No

Hobbies and Interests: ___________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
Last movie you watched: _________________________________________________________
(If it starred Jackie Chan or Vin Diesel, you are disqualified from this position.)

Favorite TV shows: _____________________________________________________________

Favorite musicians:______________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(If any of their names begin with Ice or Snoop, please dispose of this application immediately.)

Last church visit ____________________ Name of church _____________________________

Do you regularly donate time and/or money to charity? Yes No
If yes, which charitable organizations? ______________________________________________
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________
Last random act of kindness: ______________________________________________________

How large is your porn collection?
Smaller than a breadbox Has its own room in your house
Fits neatly under your bed You rent a storage unit

Do you wear socks during sex? Yes No
If so, do I have permission to choke you with them? Yes No

Do you maintain a blog? Yes No
If yes, URL please! _____________________________________________________________
Do you blog the details of your sexual exploits? Yes No
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________

Why are you applying for this position? _______________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you are chosen for the position, what will your first order of business be? _______________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I hereby solemnly swear that I have been completely honest and forthright in my answers above. I agree to submit to any and all of the following if deemed appropriate: polygraph tests, blood tests, credit checks, criminal background checks, endurance tests, skills assessments, and reference checks.

Signature ________________________________ Date_________________

PS: I'm totally serious here! Apply within!