Truth be told, I've been struggling with this blog thing for the past few months. Some days I think I should delete it and pretend it never existed. Some days I miss the days when I had something to say. Some days I miss the days when I felt unguarded and authentic.

Sincere apologies to those of you who check in on my blog on a semi-regular basis. I know you're there, and I feel like I've failed you. I'm not sure why you bother, but at the same token, I'm glad you do. It gives me some sense of importance, even if I don't know who you are.

When I started blogging, it was *somewhat* anonymous. I started because my friends Eric and Laura were active bloggers (they are now divorced), and this seemed like a good source of communication with them, and other ex-mormon bloggers. I was befriended immediately by many great people including sistermarylisa, who I now consider a very close, personal friend.

When I started blogging, I felt welcomed, and part of an amazing community. I miss that feeling, as most of us have become sporadic at best.

In the past couple of years, I've had many new readers-- including siblings, parents, future dates, message board buddies, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers of boyfriends and ex-boyfriends, random strangers I don't know of, co-workers, and life-long friends. Some of these have even been invited by yours truly! However, knowing that they're there, has left me guarded and insecure about what I write.

There have been so many things this past year that I haven't blogged about. Things that I didn't feel like I could be expressive about, because then some of the aforementioned people would know what I was *really* feeling or experiencing.

So yeah, that leaves me feeling stuck and unmotivated. I don't know when or if I'll return to regular posting. If you want to know what I'm up to, look me up on Facebook.

I can't stop smiling!

Tomorrow, my friend since 1982 is visiting me. I haven't seen her since 1983 or 1984, I can't remember. She is moving from the east coast to the west-- going to Law School in Seattle!

I named my first born daughter Alexa after her. She is stopping by here on her way and staying with me.... I just spoke to her on the phone and gave her directions.

I literally cannot stop smiling. I am SO excited to see her again! I'm wondering where in SLC I should take her for dinner.... hmmmmm

Pictures to follow!