I have a pin on my cubical wall with that statement. There is no other way to put it. I can't think of a single thing in the world that I hate more than cancer. It doesn't just suck, it FUCKING sucks.
I've known way too many people, too many REALLY GOOD PEOPLE, affected by this monster. Most recently, the little boy of my friends Jake and Amie. Kris.
This is a three year old boy. He has big brown eyes and extremely long eyelashes. He has two big brothers who adore him and miss him dearly, and parents who haven't had any time to sleep or eat properly in the past couple of weeks.
The prognosis is as "good as can be". He's got a malignant tumor, but the doctors say it's very treatable. However, he still has to undergo several rounds of chemo.
I got to visit them at the hospital tonight. This little guy is brave, strong, and adorable. I wanted to wrap in in my arms and make it all go away. His parents are weary but amazingly hanging in there. Whatever you do for positive energy, be it praying, meditation, healing vibes, whatever-- please keep this little man in mind. This hit them like a ton of bricks and out of the blue. My heart breaks for them, yet I'm in awe of their strength.
Kris, this cancer will be killed. I know it will be!
I feel like everything around me is unknown and chaotic. I have a scab on my right arm near my elbow, that I've been picking at for MONTHS. It's not going away, yet I keep picking at it. There's always that mark. I can't leave it alone. It doesn't hurt, but it's there. I know I need to stop touching it to make it go away, but I can't. For unknown reasons, I can't. I'm looking forward to sweater season so that it's not exposed anymore, and I don't have to answer any questions about it.
Switching topics, today I visited my baby nephew. I can't get enough of this guy. He is so happy, so absolutely adorable. He's cuddly and lets me just hold him... and the entire time he's smiling and showing off his big brown eyes and long eyelashes. I'm not a baby person... but if I go a week without seeing him, I miss him. I crave him. I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and sing to him... he's the greatest audience ever. My love for him is pure, and the feeling is amazing.
To bring it home, this makes me realize how much I love my family. When it comes to families, I've hit the jackpot. We've had our Jerry Springer moments, for sure. Every family does. I have amazing love for everyone in my family. We don't ever express that to each other.... but it's there. My parents are incredible. Not perfect, but spectacular. My siblings are great. My nieces and nephews are gorgeous. I'm just so lucky to have all of them.
If any of them read this, and I suspect they do... I love you.
In October of 2004, there was a huge push in Utah's politics to legally define marriage as between one woman and one man. The LDS church had letters read over the pulpits, encouraging its members to vote in favor of the legal definition. This was a huge struggle for me. I was a strong believing, contributing member of the church. I wanted to make the right decisions and actions to uphold my good girl image and high standing status. I wanted to be "right" in the eyes of God. But this? This went against my nature. It violated my internal instincts.
It never made sense to me that Marriage was a law of god. What about all of those married people who don't believe in God? Never have? What about my gay friends and family members who are every bit as excellent as my good mormon friends, who would be hurt by this measure? What about the LDS church saying that they stay out of politics and encourage members to prayerfully vote? I prayed about it, but I was not getting any warm fuzzies.
I posed the question on an LDS parenting board that I was a part of. I stated that I wanted to do the right thing, but I really didn't agree with what we were being told was right. I was very conflicted. The response I got was "Who cares if you have loved ones who are gay? What if you had loved ones that were addicted to drugs or alcohol... would you think twice about taking those away?!?"
Really? Did they really say that? Did they really compare a persons natural instincts of loving to being addicted to drugs or alcohol? Really? (For the record, I do not believe that our sexual orientation is a choice. Ask any hetero if they chose to be, and they'll tell you no. Homosexuals will also tell you no. I do not believe sexual preference is a choice we have control over. I don't see how it's possible.)
This was a huge ignitor in my disaffection flame. However, come time to go to the polls and vote, I ignored my conscious and voted the way "The Lord" would want me to. I can't think of a single decision I've had more regret over since this. Yes, I live in Utah and my vote wouldn't have made a difference, but at least I would be satisfied with sending the message saying "Not ALL of us agree with this!"
In California, Proposition 8 is on the ballot for these upcoming elections. Prop 8 would amend the California Consititution with a new section that would read "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." The measure, as submitted for the ballot by petitioners, is called the "California Marriage Protection Act."
Yes, this is California and doesn't affect me directly. However, I find it absolutely detestible that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is encouraging its members to vote in favor of this initiative. They're having letters read over the pulpit, and basically offering the TBM's "An offer they cannot refuse". They are bullying, and just downright WRONG. They need to take their black suit white shirt noses OUT of this, and focus on more important things. Such as third world hunger, education, and debt relief. A church this powerful could do so much more for the overall world progression than by convincing members in California to vote against gay marriage.
I won't assume that everyone who reads this blog has the same political affiliations that I do. For this reason, I rarely post political stances on my blog. However, if you're so inclined, please sign for something! I've got my real first and last name on that list, and I'm proud of it. What the church is doing is just wrong, no matter how you feel on the subject of gay marriage.
I'm finally entirely moved out of my old place, and un-packing hell has begun in my new place. I hate the fact that I have so much stuff. I really don't use it all or need it, but for some reason I'm afraid to get rid of stuff. Honestly, if a match were to be lit on the boxes I packed, I doubt I could even remember what half of it was. All this being said, I still love the new place, the new neighborhood, and my girls new school.
Speaking of my girls! They started 1st grade a couple of weeks ago. So far they think that having a hot lunch and two recesses is the bomb. Everything else is just stuff they have to deal with. They're both doing really well with their reading and writing, still seem to be a little behind in comprehension (much like I am!). Last week, they informed me that I no longer need to walk them to their door. I can just drop them off at the curb and they "know the directions to first grade". *sigh* that was a little hard for me to let go of. At least they'll still hug and kiss me in front of their friends.
My parents had their 48th anniversary yesterday, wow! Not bad for two people who were engaged the night they met. I gave up the illusion that their marriage and relationship was perfect a few years ago. That was a harsh reality to face! But they've hung in there, and remain and inspiration to me.
I haven't had TV or internet at home for the past month, because of the move and comcasts attitude of "We have no competition in the area, you just have to sit and be patient until we can be bothered to install". I finally got it yesterday! And the timing couldn't be better, there's a new episode of the new 90210 tonight! w00t!