Oh Goody, a blog troll!

This is too good not to blog about. I recently had a visitor to my blog who posted a comment in my "Signing For Something" post. Now, I've had people leave me snide remarks from time to time, but this guy actually wrote an entire thesis statement that is too good to be left in the comments.

I give the guy props, he seems to post using his real name. Without further ado:
(My responses to Jeff are in blue)

Jeff said...
I think that you are all being pretty nieve about this whole issue. No naivete here. We've all challenged the way that we were raised and taught, and came to these conclusions on our own, after thorough thought and research. The law already has already defined marriage to include homosexual couples. We live in a common law system, which means that laws are created in 2 ways. 1) governing bodies enact laws and 2) courts define/refine the meaning of laws by their rulings. The California courts have already ruled that homosexual marraiges are legal (despite the previous law enacted). The law in California has been ammended to include homosexual unions as marriage, yes. However Proposition 8 wants to change that law, and I'm vehemently against Proposition 8. That's the point that I'm arguing here. So what are the implications you ask? Textbooks will include new definitions of the word family. Pictures of same gender families will become required, "Oh Noes!" Yeah, I have no problem with any of this otherwise the textbook publishers will be found to be discriminatory. Law suites will enforce this. State sponsored and required sex eduction classes will begin (in some states they already have) to teach that homosexuality is natural, and acceptable and that if you have feelings toward a same gender then it is natural and right to pursue those feelings, as natural and as right as any other form of sexuality. It's pointless to argue this with me and many others, because we believe that homosexuality IS natural. Let me ask you something, Jeff. When did you decide to be straight? When did you decide to like women? At any time in your life, did you think "I need a date to the prom. Do I ask a boy or do I ask a girl?" I'm willing to bet that this thought has NEVER entered your mind. Why? Because naturally, you are attracted to women. Sexual attraction is not a choice, Jeff. Counselors in schools and other state sponsored programs will likewise be required to treat homosexuality as normal and acceptable behaviour. Okay. Currently in some sex ed classes, dildo's are passed out to be handled so that students can get comfortable with them. These districts will also encourage that homosexual feelings be explored.These are not things that I want my children exposed to .. That's fine... but they will not have an opportunity to opt out. How do you know? This depends on where you live. In the state of Utah, parents have the choice to opt their children out of sex ed. I think this is a travesty of immense proportions, but it's the current law. You're making assumptions, Jeff. This will be required and state mandated. Should the church care about such things? and are they wrong to appose them? I personally do not feel that way. The church has the right to care about anything it wants to. And, it can preach from the pulpit, anything it wants to. That's not the point. The thing that gets to me, is the church stating one week "We do not encourage our members how to vote, we ask that they pray over the issues and vote their conscious", and the next week (or same day, even?) Say "We encourage our members to donate their spare time and dollars towards fighting proposition 8." It's hipocracy that gets to me. It's the emotional blackmail that the church imposes on its members. Is it because I'm homophobic? perhaps. Admitting it is the first step to overcoming it. Good job, Jeff! Not in the sense that I fear it but I fear the consequences that it will bring. What consequences? How will your neighbors right to practice homosexuality the same way you practice heterosexuality, affect you? Will it make your spouse or children love you less? Will it make the price of gas go up? Will hurricanes wipe out New Orleans? What? Seriously, I want an answer to this. WHAT ARE THE DIRE CONSEQUENCES THAT WE SHOULD FEAR? The church has the right to encourage it's membership to participate in actions that fight this. Sure, but call it what it is. To say that the church should put their efforts into other acts of humanitarian service is a bit strange, just because there exists other opportunities for investment does not mean that I should put all of my resources to one specific task. Fair enough. Besides, as a member, I am reminded once a month to donate to the poor through fast offerings. Yeah, I remember donating to fast offerings until it hurt. My husband was the finance clerk for awhile, and was constantly being called to sign checks for various reasons for people in the neighborhood. I'm aware that the money donated goes directly to the ward boundaries, then the stake boundaries, until eventually the "extra" funds ended up at the church headquarters. I also remember the great Tsunami at the end of 2004, and we were all encouraged to generously donate to the cause. So, my husband and I wrote a giant check out to the Humanitarian Fund, happy to support those in extreme need. I was shocked and dismayed to find out later that they weren't taking money to support the Tsunami victims from the Humanitarian Fund, but from fast offerings instead. So all the "Extra" money that people donated to their fast offerings went first to those in our neighborhood who couldn't pay their gas or water bills, then to those in the stake who couldn't pay their gas or water bills (and in my ward and stake there were A LOT!!), and THEN whatever money was left, was sent to church headquarters where it was then distributed to the Tsunami victims. I find this practice to be devious and unfair. It manipulated the members to donate, thinking they were helping a global tragedy, when in reality they were just paying for more gas and water bills in the neighborhood. This was a giant "WHAT THE FUCK" moment for me. whenI am also reminded to support the humanitarian aid fund as well as the perpetual eduction fund regularly. Let's not discuss the perpetual education fund. I think it's a sham and it's another topic for another day. I am asked to donate my time to service projects regularly. In our ward, we have make quilts for babies in needs, collect items for humanitarian kits, and server regularly at a local service kitchen that feeds the poor. That does not include all of the service hours by the youth for scouting and young women projects. I never said that the church doesn't have a humanitarian bone, they absolutely do. So do the catholics, the jews, the atheists, and *shock shock horror* THE GAYS! Furthermore, the church has one of the largest welfare programs of any NON governmental organization in the world. Could they do more..sure. But that does not preclude them from spending time and effort in fighting for something that they believe is wrong. They have the right to. They have not asked you to agree with it, Um yes, they ask their members to agree with it they have not made it mandatory, Only in the sense of emotional blackmail, as previously stated. I remember ammendment 3 that was passed in Utah in 2004, legally defining marriage as between one woman and one man, when the church made similar pleas. They also said "Any member in good standing will vote to pass ammendment 3." Shit, I was a member in good standing, but I DID NOT AGREE with this law! I was emotionally blackmailed to vote AGAINST my conscious, because I had to be right in the eyes of the lord. rather they have asked you to prayerfully consider it. Is there something implicit in the recommendation? certainly. Bullying? no Yup. Wrong? and Yup. I cannot fathom a definition of wrong that would say that the church does not have the right to support legislation that it believes is beneficial. The church's position on political neutrality has long included a statement that exempts it on measures that it believe's it has a moral obligation to support. It is wrong to say that they CANNOT exercise their rights just because you personally disagree with their position. You can and should argue that you disagree with the position and you can say that their position is wrong because of x, y or z. But they are not wrong state and encourage support for their position. This point has already been argued above, I won't beat a dead horse here. I have always been amazed at the boldness of the homosexual in their plea for acceptance, and the fact that their behavior is not 'tolerated'. Following that line of thinking, then the church should willing ignore all sin. Sexual relations before marriage should be permissible and the church should stop telling people to refrain from it. Cheating during marriage should likewise be ignored, as should pornography. Oh dude, you did not go there, did you? Oh no you di'ent! Oh yes you did. *sigh* #1, in order to make homosexuality not sinful, then ALLOW THEM TO MARRY so that they CAN have sex in the confines of legal marriage. #2 where do you get off comparing sexuality to cheating on spouses and looking at porn? This all happens in STRAIGHT marriages! This is not a homosexual concept! This happens worldwide, and is not discriminatory. Come up with a better argument! In fact they should stop teaching the law of chastity in general and become accepting of all regardless. But such a position is ludicrous. Homosexuals say they are excluded which is true, but so are adulterers and fornicators.To which is commonly argued that they are therefore being asked to be denied the opportunity to express themselves sexually. To which every non-married member of the church can say...yes and your point is?Yet that is not what the Saviour teaches. I thought the Savior teaches love and accepetance for all, regardless. If the so called "Jesus Christ" were alive today, I would bet my life that he would support homosexual marriage. Christ loved everyone, and would not exclude a certain group because the majority found them to be "unnatural" Lastly a quick comment on the "God made me this way and hence will condone my actions because that is the way that I am made" I can find no such scriptural connotation. The invitation is to come follow Him regardless. To the alcoholic (genetic or otherwise) he says give it up. not the same thing To the rich man (earned or by birth) He asks to give all that thou hast. Indeed, the command (Abraham 3:25) "and we will prove them herewith to see if they will do ALL things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." is to see what you are willing to give the Lord. Christ showed the example, he lived a perfect life in which he never had to taste the pains of guilt or remorse. Then He was asked to feel all of our pains and guilt and suffer in both body and spirit. Was it required FOR Him? no. but it became required OF Him and so He partook. Is it fair that Christ should have had to suffer for us? no it is not. But I'm certainly glad He did. Now He asks us to come follow Him. Regardless of our condition.

*sigh* I don't want to offend all of my readers regarding my take on chris and the atonement, so I'll let that lie. I responded to this in a moment of insomnia. It's 4 in the morning and my brain isn't exactly full functioning.

Anyone else care to banter on the subject?

Truth be told, I've been struggling with this blog thing for the past few months. Some days I think I should delete it and pretend it never existed. Some days I miss the days when I had something to say. Some days I miss the days when I felt unguarded and authentic.

Sincere apologies to those of you who check in on my blog on a semi-regular basis. I know you're there, and I feel like I've failed you. I'm not sure why you bother, but at the same token, I'm glad you do. It gives me some sense of importance, even if I don't know who you are.

When I started blogging, it was *somewhat* anonymous. I started because my friends Eric and Laura were active bloggers (they are now divorced), and this seemed like a good source of communication with them, and other ex-mormon bloggers. I was befriended immediately by many great people including sistermarylisa, who I now consider a very close, personal friend.

When I started blogging, I felt welcomed, and part of an amazing community. I miss that feeling, as most of us have become sporadic at best.

In the past couple of years, I've had many new readers-- including siblings, parents, future dates, message board buddies, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers of boyfriends and ex-boyfriends, random strangers I don't know of, co-workers, and life-long friends. Some of these have even been invited by yours truly! However, knowing that they're there, has left me guarded and insecure about what I write.

There have been so many things this past year that I haven't blogged about. Things that I didn't feel like I could be expressive about, because then some of the aforementioned people would know what I was *really* feeling or experiencing.

So yeah, that leaves me feeling stuck and unmotivated. I don't know when or if I'll return to regular posting. If you want to know what I'm up to, look me up on Facebook.

I can't stop smiling!

Tomorrow, my friend since 1982 is visiting me. I haven't seen her since 1983 or 1984, I can't remember. She is moving from the east coast to the west-- going to Law School in Seattle!

I named my first born daughter Alexa after her. She is stopping by here on her way and staying with me.... I just spoke to her on the phone and gave her directions.

I literally cannot stop smiling. I am SO excited to see her again! I'm wondering where in SLC I should take her for dinner.... hmmmmm

Pictures to follow!

Say Cheese!

Yesterday was picture day at my girls school. This is a picture I took of them from my iPhone in the morning, to show what their hair looked like BEFORE recess.

Yeah, freakin' adorable. I know!

Cancer Sucks

I have a pin on my cubical wall with that statement. There is no other way to put it. I can't think of a single thing in the world that I hate more than cancer. It doesn't just suck, it FUCKING sucks.

I've known way too many people, too many REALLY GOOD PEOPLE, affected by this monster. Most recently, the little boy of my friends Jake and Amie. Kris.

This is a three year old boy. He has big brown eyes and extremely long eyelashes. He has two big brothers who adore him and miss him dearly, and parents who haven't had any time to sleep or eat properly in the past couple of weeks.

The prognosis is as "good as can be". He's got a malignant tumor, but the doctors say it's very treatable. However, he still has to undergo several rounds of chemo.

I got to visit them at the hospital tonight. This little guy is brave, strong, and adorable. I wanted to wrap in in my arms and make it all go away. His parents are weary but amazingly hanging in there. Whatever you do for positive energy, be it praying, meditation, healing vibes, whatever-- please keep this little man in mind. This hit them like a ton of bricks and out of the blue. My heart breaks for them, yet I'm in awe of their strength.

Kris, this cancer will be killed. I know it will be!

I'm scattered and unorganized lately

I feel like everything around me is unknown and chaotic. I have a scab on my right arm near my elbow, that I've been picking at for MONTHS. It's not going away, yet I keep picking at it. There's always that mark. I can't leave it alone. It doesn't hurt, but it's there. I know I need to stop touching it to make it go away, but I can't. For unknown reasons, I can't. I'm looking forward to sweater season so that it's not exposed anymore, and I don't have to answer any questions about it.

Switching topics, today I visited my baby nephew. I can't get enough of this guy. He is so happy, so absolutely adorable. He's cuddly and lets me just hold him... and the entire time he's smiling and showing off his big brown eyes and long eyelashes. I'm not a baby person... but if I go a week without seeing him, I miss him. I crave him. I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and sing to him... he's the greatest audience ever. My love for him is pure, and the feeling is amazing.

To bring it home, this makes me realize how much I love my family. When it comes to families, I've hit the jackpot. We've had our Jerry Springer moments, for sure. Every family does. I have amazing love for everyone in my family. We don't ever express that to each other.... but it's there. My parents are incredible. Not perfect, but spectacular. My siblings are great. My nieces and nephews are gorgeous. I'm just so lucky to have all of them.

If any of them read this, and I suspect they do... I love you.

No seriously... WTF!?!?!

In October of 2004, there was a huge push in Utah's politics to legally define marriage as between one woman and one man. The LDS church had letters read over the pulpits, encouraging its members to vote in favor of the legal definition. This was a huge struggle for me. I was a strong believing, contributing member of the church. I wanted to make the right decisions and actions to uphold my good girl image and high standing status. I wanted to be "right" in the eyes of God. But this? This went against my nature. It violated my internal instincts.

It never made sense to me that Marriage was a law of god. What about all of those married people who don't believe in God? Never have? What about my gay friends and family members who are every bit as excellent as my good mormon friends, who would be hurt by this measure? What about the LDS church saying that they stay out of politics and encourage members to prayerfully vote? I prayed about it, but I was not getting any warm fuzzies.

I posed the question on an LDS parenting board that I was a part of. I stated that I wanted to do the right thing, but I really didn't agree with what we were being told was right. I was very conflicted. The response I got was "Who cares if you have loved ones who are gay? What if you had loved ones that were addicted to drugs or alcohol... would you think twice about taking those away?!?"

Really? Did they really say that? Did they really compare a persons natural instincts of loving to being addicted to drugs or alcohol? Really? (For the record, I do not believe that our sexual orientation is a choice. Ask any hetero if they chose to be, and they'll tell you no. Homosexuals will also tell you no. I do not believe sexual preference is a choice we have control over. I don't see how it's possible.)

This was a huge ignitor in my disaffection flame. However, come time to go to the polls and vote, I ignored my conscious and voted the way "The Lord" would want me to. I can't think of a single decision I've had more regret over since this. Yes, I live in Utah and my vote wouldn't have made a difference, but at least I would be satisfied with sending the message saying "Not ALL of us agree with this!"

In California, Proposition 8 is on the ballot for these upcoming elections. Prop 8 would amend the California Consititution with a new section that would read "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." The measure, as submitted for the ballot by petitioners, is called the "California Marriage Protection Act."

Yes, this is California and doesn't affect me directly. However, I find it absolutely detestible that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is encouraging its members to vote in favor of this initiative. They're having letters read over the pulpit, and basically offering the TBM's "An offer they cannot refuse". They are bullying, and just downright WRONG. They need to take their black suit white shirt noses OUT of this, and focus on more important things. Such as third world hunger, education, and debt relief. A church this powerful could do so much more for the overall world progression than by convincing members in California to vote against gay marriage.

I won't assume that everyone who reads this blog has the same political affiliations that I do. For this reason, I rarely post political stances on my blog. However, if you're so inclined, please sign for something! I've got my real first and last name on that list, and I'm proud of it. What the church is doing is just wrong, no matter how you feel on the subject of gay marriage.

I've been a slacker

A few updates on my mundane life:

I'm finally entirely moved out of my old place, and un-packing hell has begun in my new place. I hate the fact that I have so much stuff. I really don't use it all or need it, but for some reason I'm afraid to get rid of stuff. Honestly, if a match were to be lit on the boxes I packed, I doubt I could even remember what half of it was. All this being said, I still love the new place, the new neighborhood, and my girls new school.

Speaking of my girls! They started 1st grade a couple of weeks ago. So far they think that having a hot lunch and two recesses is the bomb. Everything else is just stuff they have to deal with. They're both doing really well with their reading and writing, still seem to be a little behind in comprehension (much like I am!). Last week, they informed me that I no longer need to walk them to their door. I can just drop them off at the curb and they "know the directions to first grade". *sigh* that was a little hard for me to let go of. At least they'll still hug and kiss me in front of their friends.

My parents had their 48th anniversary yesterday, wow! Not bad for two people who were engaged the night they met. I gave up the illusion that their marriage and relationship was perfect a few years ago. That was a harsh reality to face! But they've hung in there, and remain and inspiration to me.

I haven't had TV or internet at home for the past month, because of the move and comcasts attitude of "We have no competition in the area, you just have to sit and be patient until we can be bothered to install". I finally got it yesterday! And the timing couldn't be better, there's a new episode of the new 90210 tonight! w00t!

Silly Emotions

Last night my parents took my daughters and me out to dinner to celebrate their first full day of First Grade. I'll talk about that experience and update on my daughters in a future post. We went to the Spaghetti Factory at Trolley Square, because that's Emilie and Alexa's favorite restaurant.

We sat down, and I noticed a familiar woman sitting two tables in front of us. I leaned over to my mom and said "Is that Char Peters (fake name)?" She confirmed that it was.

Char Peters is the mother of the first man who ever truly broke my heart. Her son was my first true love. I had broken hearts and lost love before him, but he was the first person who swept me off my feet, and we had a very intense few months, before he broke up with me for a friend of mine whom he later married. I've blogged about this in my past relationships series.

Char and my mother were very good friends, both before and after I dated her son. Naturally, my mom went over to their table to say hello. When they were finished eating, they came over to our table to see my girls and me. While there, she proceeded to give me and update on my ex-boyfriend and his wife. They're still married, it's been 14 years. They have 4 children, and he's been in 13 marathons. She's started her MBA program this fall. Sounds like everything is going fucking fantastic for them.

I don't begrudge them their happiness, not at all. I've moved on in life, and mostly believe that it's a good thing that I didn't get married to him. However, I was stunned that seeing his parents and talking to them brought back so many emotions and feelings. I'm supposed to be non-plussed by that, aren't I? I mean it's been 14 years. I'm an entirely different person than I was back then.

I'm trying to imagine what Char and her husband will say to her son and his wife about seeing me. I provided no update to them about my life, I just smiled, introduced my daughters, and told them that it was nice to see them again. At least I looked great.

I've moved on up

to the East Side! For reals....

I'm almost completely moved in my new home. I still have odds and ends to finish up in my old place, but everything important is moved and settled. I really love my new place! It's not ideal forever, but it's perfect for me, for now. For the first time in a really long time, I'm sleeping the entire night through. I live in a quiet, clean, peaceful neighborhood. I have a most magnificent view of the Cottonwood mountains. I'm a hop, skip, and a jump away from so many unique and interesting shops and restaurants, not to mention the canyons. I'm truly happy there!

Okay, that's enough gushing. I have more important matters to talk about. Prepare to laugh.

I began packing more than a week in advance. My dad hired some movers to help, and he was going to help as well. Given this fact, I took special care to pack away my nighstand early on. I marked it "Christy's Room" and sealed the box. I'm not trying to give TMI, but I *am* a single woman with needs. Also, a former friend of mine sent me a playboy subscription for Christmas last year. I won't lie, I enjoy the magazine, and it's not just for the articles. I carefully packed those away, too. I checked under my bed, more than once, just to make sure everything was taken care of. Other than a couple of old pillows that I don't use anymore, I saw nothing.

Yeah, you know where this is going.

While the movers were packing the truck, I ran up to my new condo to get the keys. I returned to my old apartment and was in the living room talking to my dad. I could hear the movers in one of the rooms behind me, laughing. I assumed they were just talking to each other, inside joke or whatever. They cleared my bed and frame from my room, and I went in to take a look.

There on the floor, for all to see.... yeah. And not just any toy, oh no. But it was a baton that has a whip on one side, and feathers on the other. *****I'VE NEVER USED THIS FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE!!!!!!***** It was a prop for my halloween costume, I promise! I was a dominatrix for halloween! It must have fallen out of my bag and got shoved under my bed, where it's been ever since! I missed packing a playboy, too.

OH.MY.GOD. !!! !!!

I wanted to be swallowed up in a hole to die. The movers are guys that my brother knows. ACK! They couldn't just find a vibrator, but they had to find the kinkiest toy I own (besides the fuzzy handcuffs, which were also part of the costume!).

I picked it up and threw it in my closet. I could not look the movers in the eyes the rest of the day... and they had to keep asking me questions. They had to go back in to get my nightstands, so they know that I knew that they knew.

I can laugh about it now, but this is my new "Most Embarrassing Moment".

Iphone blogging

Iphone blogging

Sent from my iPhone

How Unfortunate

I had a fortune cookie today... my fortune reads "Today is a good day for being with a companion".     Great. does somebody wanna find me on

We've all been there

Finally an embarrassing story at work that didn't happen to me!

Yesterday afternoon, most people were gone for the day, except for myself and a man who sits over the cubicle wall, so it was very quiet. A colleague from a different department stopped by to ask me some questions, and he was standing next to me looking at my monitor. I was mid-sentence in response, when out of nowhere, he lit a big, huge, FART.

What could I do? I kind of looked at him, looked at my screen, the wall behind me... "do I acknowledge it? Do I pretend like it didn't happen? Oh, it happened, and LOUD. Do I crack a joke? I can't think of what to say!!" So I picked up where I left off, and tried to continue answering his question.

His face turned bright red, and without looking at me he said something like "Well, now that's happened" and we both just burst out laughing. The man sitting over the wall from me said "That's okay, I do that at home all the time!" And the three of us were crying, because we were laughing so hard.

I tried to make him feel better by telling him that the average human needs to fart at least five times a day in order to be healthy. And hell, if he's going to embarrass himself, at least it's in front of me and not his director or VP. After that, he said "I think I'm just going to leave now. We can talk about my questions later."

He was a class act today though... he came over to my desk first thing this morning, and said "I just wanted to see if the air has cleared over here." laughter ensued. I still giggle thinking about it. Happens to the best of us, eh?

In other news, I've found a new place to live, and am in the process of packing and moving, hence my less frequent blogging. I'm terribly excited... I'm moving to a terrific location with one of the best schools in the county (according to their test scores and parent reviews). The location is near the mouth of the cottonwood canyons, within walking distance of a great recreation center, and just around the corner from one of my closest long-time friends. It's going to give me a whole new lease on life, and I can't wait!

If that's what you're into!

This past weekend was glorious. The time spent in Park City with my friends was incredible, and ended all too soon. I hope we do this again next year! We had some great conversations, great food, fun times, dancing, coaster riding, zip-lining, hiking, hot tubbing, cops being called on us....

Oh yeah. The cops were called on us, TWICE! Once it was because some of the cars were parked diagonally (we did the best we could with limited pace. We ultimately accomodated the neighbors, even though the patrol said we were just fine.) The second time, the cops found us sitting in the living room and talking, listening to Enya. Yeah, big threat. At 8:30 at night!! oooooh. Be careful. Clearly, the cops saw nothing wrong, once again.

Unfortunately, because I took up running a month ago, my knees were in bad shape. I ignored the pain for so long, that by saturday, they were mostly out of comission. I had to use my upper body strength everywhere I went. I was in severe pain! Luckily, one of my friends is a doctor, and he called in a perscription of Lortab for me.

I spent saturday afternoon/evening on Lortab while everyone else went to a free reggae concert. These pills made me very, very happy and loopy. I sat and watched several episodes of "Flight of the Conchords". The following scene made me laugh SO MUCH, that I had to share it.



If you want me to, I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew, that's what you're into

You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' round, around you
You hangin' round, yeah you're there too

And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you
I'll take off all my clothes for you
If that's what you're into

How 'bout him in the nude?
If that's what you're into
In the nude in front of you
Is that what you'd wanna view?

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too
It could be a dream come true, providing that's what you are into

Is that what you're into?
Him and you in the nude?
That's what he's prepared to do
Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?

And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator
In the kitchen next to the pantry
You think that might be what you fancy?

In the buff, bein' rude
Doin' stuff with the food
Gettin' nude with his food
We heard that's what you are into

Then on our next date
well you could bring your roommate
I don't know if Stu is keen to
But maybe we could double team you

How 'bout you and two dudes?
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Bein' lewd with two dudes with food
Well that's if Stu's into it too

All the things I do
The things I'd do for you
If I only knew, that's what you're into

Time for R&R

I've been pretty stressed lately, have had a lot on my mind. Work's been busy, and yes, I'm still working out physically. I haven't blogged about it because I don't want to jinx it... but truth be told, life can only be great if you work at it. Things just don't come easily. At least not for me!

This weekend, some of my friends are embarking of our annual summer trip together. Last year we went to Las Vegas, and discovered that the most fun we had, was when we were all together, talking, relaxing, just having fun. This year, we decided to make our trip to Park City. It's close! Inexpensive! Fun!!!

We've rented a really great house just off of Main Street, we'll be in walking distance of most things. Some are planning on white water rafting, others are looking forward to outlet shopping. I hope to fit in a nice hike. Regardless, it's going to be great! I'm just looking forward to the rest, relaxation, and surrounding myself with some of my most favorite people for a few days.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I know Shakespeare is a dead white guy, but he knows his shit!

I love Shakespeare. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Shakespeare. William Shakespeare had a way with words, bar none to anyone else. Most importantly, no one can throw an insult like Shakespeare. While I love some of the modern day adaptations, I'm pretty much a purist. I don't need his words "Dumbed Down" for me. I take sincere pleasure in his lacy, frilly bitterness.

Some of my favorite Shakespeare insults:

Your bum is the greatest thing about you; so that in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great.

Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.

Drop into the rotten mouth of death.

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!

Thou art a wretch whose natural gifts were poor.

Thy kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.

Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose.

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

There is one modern day adaptation that I adore, on so many levels. This is the movie, "10 Things I Hate About You". This movie rocked my world from my first viewing of it. I've been told by many people, from different aspects of my life, that Julia Stiles character reminds them of me. I can't deny it-- I watch this movie and see myself, both in looks and attitude.



I won't explain why. Just watch the movie. :) 10 Things I Hate About You is an adaptation of "Taming of the Shrew".

"Just because you're beautiful, doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter!"

"Have you always been this selfish?"

"Remove head from sphincter, THEN drive!"

"Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?"

"Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties."

"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often."

"Why can't you be NORMAL?!?!"

"Where did you come from? Planet "Loser"?

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."

"Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it."

"What is it, Asshole Day?"

I confess, I watched this movie tonight, not just for Shakesperean adaptation greatness, but out of memory of Heath Ledger. This was the first movie I noticed him in, and have loved him since. His passing shocked me and saddened me greatly. He was phenominal in everything he's done. No, I haven't seen "The Dark Knight" yet, but I can't wait.

RIP Heath Ledger. He was more than just an amazing actor.

Facebook, Past Relationships, Guilty Pleasures... and other random thoughts

I'm working from home today, to test my employers catastrophe continuation plan. I've got VH1's top 20 playing in the background, for mindless noise. Don't judge- daytime TV really sucks and if I pop in a DVD, I'll be watching that and not working. (No, I'm not working right now, just taking a break!)

So one of the songs in the Top 20 is by the Pussycat Dolls. They're a guilty pleasure of mine, so I watched the video. If I had the looks and body to get away with what they do, you BET I would! I can't remember the name of the song, but the catchy chorus said something to the effect of "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it". This has always been a favorite saying of mine, because it's so true. We spend our lives wishing for, hoping for, wanting wanting WANTING, and then what happens when we get it? Either it fails to meet our expectations, or we tire of it and want more more MORE! It's like a dog or cat chasing their tail.

It reminded me of some of my past relationships, and the boys/men that I've pined for. Just like my most recent post of finding my dear Alexa on Facebook, I've also found past relationships and major crushes there. It's voyeuristically thrilling for me to peak in on their lives. I won't mention their names now like I have in the past, because I'm talking of how I see them today. One guy I'm still crushing on, and probably always will. He's turned into an amazing man who has done very well for himself. Even if he's a [self proclaimed] right wing nutjob, he's still sexy as hell (all in the intellect, baby!), and if he weren't happily married, I'd try to make my make-out fantasy happen. Another guy is the one that I have always wondered "What if....?" about. Now that I've had a peak into his world, I can wipe my brow in relief and think "Thank GOD nothing came of that!" Another one has a lovely jumper-clad wife. And that's all I will say about that! :)

Yeah... with one exception, I'm glad I didn't get what I wished for. Funny that. Certainly gives a gal some perspective, but it does make me wonder how or when I'll ever just be okay with what is? Until I know, my brain will keep thinking.

Technology and Innovation rocks!

As if you didn't already know....

Thank whoever is out there for Facebook. This last week, I was contacted by a dear friend that I've had for a very long time. I named my firstborn after her, which clearly means that she had a significant impact on my life.

When I was 7, my dad was transferred to Germany by his employer. Our entire family had to pack up and leave everything that we had ever known. Everything that was familiar. I was only 7, but had 4 older siblings and endured their lamenting. I was mostly sad about leaving behing my best friend Emilie (who I named my second-by-two-minutes-after!). I vividly remember the process. I remember my dad going ahead of us, a few months... while my mom packed up a house of 5 kids and all their junk. I had absolutely no clue what to expect. We had some friends who spent some time in Germany, come to our house and tell us about the Berlin Wall (This was 1982).

I remember the plane ride. My mom got me a little sailor dress to wear. We all dressed up to ride the plane. I remember saying goodbye to friends and family at the airport. I especially remember my grandmothers teary eyes taking a different shape. I got sick on the plane, and the flight attendants brought me coke. My mom and her 5 kids took up an entire middle section and window seats.

I was nervous, scared, but excited! I had an incredible family, so I never had a real sense of insecurity. Mostly, I was going to miss Emilie. She was my very best friend that I knew since she was born. But I was about to move into a 2 story house with stairs and a balcony! Our house in Utah was all on one level.

We moved to a very secluded village. My parents wanted us to have the real "German" experience, so my dad refused the airforce base housing. We had a mini-wall around our house, with a big field behind us, and the most gorgeous forrest across the street. If I recall correctly, this village was 30 minutes away from anything major. We were waaaay out there, in Vogelbach Germany. Living there was a real shock. No one spoke my language, and the money was so different looking. This was a major, major adjustment. There were a few other americans in the same village. One of them was close to my age, just one year younger! Her name is Alexa.

Alexa and I lived on the same street. Our mothers, while extremely different individuals with a huge difference in age, became fast friends. Alexa and I were pretty much inseperable. We were in each others lives for less than 2 years, but so much of that 2 years remains solid in my memory, and has absolutely shaped my life.

In that two years:
I got lost in Switzerland when traveling with her parents.
Same trip-- I dared her to run around the camping trailer without a shirt on. (I guess I've always been naughty)
We got our long hair cut into Annie perm's... (We loved the movie Annie!)
We had sleepovers nearly every weekend.
We went to church with each other.
My mom taught her how to say her "R"'s in our kitchen
We learned how to tell the time together
We equally loved the Smurfs!
We saw E.T. together in the theater!
We bought books of fake tattoo's together
I snuck into the forrest with her one day, hoping to find a swimming hole. My parents forbade me, but I did it anyway. My mom caught us. This was the first and only time I've ever been grounded.
We swam at the nearest pool. I can see the pool, I can remeber the grounds and entrance fee, but can't remember the name of the town. I think it began with an "R".
If neither of us had a toy that we wanted, we tried to find a way to make it. More importantly, we made it work for us!
We got our first wrist watches on the same Christmas.

Then the real emotions started:
Her parents started arguing, a lot. It turned into loud screaming matches. They would go in their room and close the door and fight... but Alexa's room was across the hall, and we could hear them. I told her that whenever my parents fought, I was afraid they would get a divorce. She didn't know what that meant, so I explained it to her.

One morning before school, she rang the doorbell, as she always did. She had breakfast at our house and we walked to the bus stop together. Except for this day, she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me "It's the bad word you taught me, that begins with "D"" I knew what she meant. Divorce. "Are your parents getting a divorce?" I asked. "Yes" she said. We hugged each other and bawled. I was 8 years old at the time, she was 7. This was the first time that Divorce ever hit close to home, and in my mind, it was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen.

Soon after, she, along with her mom and brother, moved away from Germany. I can still picture her turning around and waving at me, from the back seat of her car. She was my best friend, and then she was gone.

This was so hard for me. I still missed Emilie from the states, but now I missed Alexa, too. A few months from this time, my family moved back to Utah. Throughout the years, I had brief contact with Alexa. Her mom had business in Utah once that I can remember, so she visited us then. I talked to Alexa on the phone a few times, but most recently, it was just before I got married to Jeremy.

To recap: I talked to her 11 years ago, and haven't seen her since I was 8. I always knew I would name my first daughter after her. I love the name Alexa, and I loved the first Alexa I ever knew. I made a few attempts to contact her in the pas t11 years, but to no avail. Until last week, when I got a message from her on Facebook.

My god, this girl who is now a woman, is stunningly gorgeous. We had a long telephone conversation, and she still talks the same, laughs the same... wow! We've gone most of our lives not seeing each other, barely talking to each other, but absolutely pick up where we left off, and totally claim our love for each other. We've been in each others hearts and minds for so many years.

She's a rare, unique, gorgeous, amazing human being. I couldn't be more proud to name my daughter after her. Here is a picture of her, taken last year:


I can still see and hear the 7 year old in her. But that's non-important. To me, she is eternal. She is how she always was, and always will be. I'm so, so glad to have her in my life again!

@*#$&#$*&!!!

Just Fuck.

I've not had a lot of things go my way lately. I don't have a lot to be happy about. I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and keep going up, but I've gotta say, sometimes the world can really suck.

I've lived in a hole of an apartment since March 2007. My lease is up this month. I've advised that I'm out at the end of the month, and my search for a new place has begun.

I found the perfect place. It was perfect! It was new, it was safe and secure, and it was in my budget. When I toured the place, I found that there were 5 others interested. The lady giving the showing was obviously TBM, and didn't have a lot of time for me. I wore khaki capri's, and a black shirt. The shirt wasn't entirely garment friendly. I wore sandals as well, so my ankle tattoo was visible.

I found out that 5 other people were interested. When I submitted my application, I submitted a cover letter in which I noted that I've worked for the same company for 12 years, and am in a secure leadership position. I have 6 year old twins that I envision raising in such a safe environment. Plus I'm clean, quiet, considerate.

Tonight I got a phone call from the woman that they've rented the condo to someone else.

Fuck.

So, I tell her "I'm eagerly looking to rent. Can you please provide constructive feedback as to why I didn't get the apartment over others?" She made some reference as to her husband reviewing the applicants and calling the references, when I said "None of my references were called" Her reply was "Well we didn't call YOUR references" "Why Not?" I asked. "The other guy just looked better on paper."

"How so?" I asked. "Is it because I'm a single mother?" "No," she said, "We've rented to a single father for the past year."

I replied "Sure. But single men have the advantage over single women. Please tell me, how did the other look better on paper? I'm eagerly looking for a place to live, and am looking for specific feedback. If you're uncomfortable giving it, please refer me to your husband."

"Oh, I'm not uncomfortable with giving feedback. He looked better on paper because he said he was planning on staying in the city for the next 3 years..."

I cut her off. "My coverletter stated that I've had the same employer for 12 years, and in no danger of losing my job!"

"Oh, uh, well....," she stammared.

I told her that I found them to be sexist and unfair. Clearly, they didn't even look at the applications before deciding. It matters not, I have no recourse. Had they said that the other person had a higher income, or if they truly checked my credit or references, I would feel at peace. Not the case!

I make too much to qualify for lower income housing, but not enought for a good, secure place to raise my daughters.

I'm fuckin' screwed. I need a fuckin' break.

At last!

I finally got to meet my friend Dr. Ros!



I've known her for years, and wanted to meet her always! I feel so lucky for the opportunity.

SML was there, also. That woman rocks my world!! More pics of the gathering to follow.

Worth Repeating

I posted this waaaay in the early days of my blog. Now, again. The person whom this is for, knows it's for him:

Don't move
Don't talk out of time
Don't think
Don't worry
Everything's just fine
Just fine

Don't grab
Don't clutch
Don't hope for too much
Don't breathe
Don't achieve
Or grieve without leave

Don't check
Just balance on the fence
Don't answer
Don't ask
Don't try and make sense

Don't whisper
Don't talk
Don't run if you can walk
Don't cheat, compete
Don't miss the one beat

Don't travel by train
Don't eat
Don't spill
Don't piss in the drain
Don't make a will

Don't fill out any forms
Don't compensate
Don't cower
Don't crawl
Don't come around late
Don't hover at the gate

Don't take it on board
Don't fall on your sword
Just play another chord
If you feel you're getting bored
I feel numb
I feel numb
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
Don't change your brand Gimme what you got
Don't listen to the band
Don't gape Gimme what I don't get
Don't ape
Don't change your shape Gimme some more
Have another grape
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
I feel numb
Gimme some more
A piece of me, baby
I feel numb
Don't plead
Don't bridle
Don't shackle
Don't grind Gimme some more
Don't curve
Don't swerve I feel numb
Lie, die, serve Gimme some more
Don't theorize, realise, polarise I feel numb
Chance, dance,dismiss, apologise Gimme what you got
Gimme what I don't get
Gimme what you got
Too much is not enough
Don't spy I feel numb
Don't lie
Don't try
Imply
Detain
Explain
Start again I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't triumph
Don't coax
Don't cling
Don't hoax
Don't freak
Peak
Don't leak
Don't speak I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't struggle
Don't jerk
Don't collar
Don't work
Don't wish
Don't fish
Don't teach
Don't reach
I feel numb
Don't borrow Too much is not enough
Don't break I feel numb
Don't fence
Don't steal
Don't pass
Don't press
Don't try
Don't feel
Gimme some more
Don't touch I feel numb
Don't dive
Don't suffer
Don't rhyme
Don't fantasize
Don't rise
Don't lie
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

I feel numb

The Definition of "Please"

There are many definitions to the word "Please". (This reminds me of Bill Clinton saying "It depends on what the definition of "Is" is").

Such as:

A verb.
To give pleasure (It will please me if she brings me some cookies with my coffee)
A wish (Do as you please)
To have the kindness (If it's not too much trouble, will you please....)
To be at will (It will please your majesty if I fluff your pillows)

What's the point?

I had the TV on tonight. There was a commercial for Jack Daniels or Jim Beam, can't remember which, not important. At the end of the add, it said:



I've seen this before, but tonight it rubbed me the wrong way. Why does it need to be so polite?

"I will rock your world if you drink responsibly"
"I wish you would drink responsibly"
"If it's not out of your way, I would appreciate you to drink responsibly"
"George Bush will be happy if you drink responsibly"

Is any of this going to convince you, if you decide to NOT drink responsibly? I didn't think so.

I enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time, I won't lie. However, when it comes to drinking responsibly, we need not be polite.

Drink responsibly. Just do it. Yes, it's that simple. No favors required.

Edited to add: HA! Just after I hit "Publish Post", I saw a commercial for Captain Morgan's spiced rum. At the end of the commercial it just said "Drink Responsibly". They've got the right idea!

She's got the look!

This weekend, I discovered a hidden talent in Alexa. A talent I've always wanted, but look constipated when I try.

Yes, ladies and gents-- Alexa can raise one eyebrow over another:



In her words, this makes her AWESOME!!

Breakthrough: Exposing Myself

This post is going to be rather uncomfortable for me. I'm going to open myself up and reveal some aspects of myself that I've kept hidden from most everyone.

I was driving around today from one end of the Salt Lake Valley to north of Salt Lake Valley. Granted, it is Sunday in Utah so there are definitely less cars on the road, but still, I was navigating the lanes like a pro.

This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but for me, it is huge. You see, for several years, freeway driving was a terrifying nightmare. Let me back up a bit: I used to be "the best driver ever!" hehe. I commuted 20 miles to and from work daily. Rain/Snow/Rush Hour didn't bother me. I was confident and good at driving. One morning, the day after Thanksgiving 1996, there was a horrible snowstorm. I was not worried, because like I said, I was good. I drove slowly, and gave myself extra time to get to work. One icy bridge, a couple of 360's and a smashed up car later, I realized I was not invincible.

I got right back on the horse and drove on the freeways in the snow again, but each time I was terrified. Remembering in the back of my mind what *could* happen. I put myself into therapy at the time, however I started calling in sick or taking personal days whenever the weather was bad. I would freak out, panic, and obsess over weather forecasts. I would watch multiple channels a night, creating my own statistics tracker even-- this would continue for several years. A little over a year after the accident, I got married, and insisted that we live close to my work. The area was not desireable, but the commute was what mattered. When we bought our house, we knew the neighborhood was crappy, but it was 3 miles from my work. There were some great new homes being built just a few more miles west, which would have cost the same as the house we bought, but I simply would not entertain the idea of a long commute.

Also during this time, I stopped driving on freeways altogether. To my defense, Interstate 15 was under a massive reconstruction project and I didn't want to play that game, but my fear extended to all other nearby freeways. Hell, I wouldn't even allow Jeremy to drive on them when I was in the car with him. It was backroads all the way. It took us 45 minutes to get to my parents house, instead of 25.

I became a prisoner of my own fear.
I lost out on a lot of time... all those years of an extra 40 minutes just to visit my parents. I visit them a lot.
I could have had a house that doubled in value. Instead, my house only went up 50% by the time we ended our marriage and sold it.
I missed work. I missed opportunities. I pretty much became a recluse, because I knew my home was safe.
All of this lead to a stunted emotional growth.

Something inside of me snapped a few years ago, and by taking baby steps, I overcame my fear of not only driving in the snow, but in general. I'm confident again. I'm a good driver again. I have no guarantees that this feeling will stay, but I sure hope so.

I could look back on all of this full of regrets. If I didn't imprison myself, where would I be now? I try not to think about it. The possibilities were astronomical. Regretting will only make me bitter. Instead, I realize what's behind me is done, and I move onward and upward. (I hope).

For some reason, thinking of all of this today, made me think about a former boyfriend of mine. Our chemistry was mindblowing, I know he knew that. I was his first real relationship since his marriage. However, his marriage left him traumatized and damaged. I gave him everything he needed and wanted, but when things were getting serious, he withdrew. No matter how hard I tried to get him to trust me and lean on me, he couldn't. He remembered how bad it could be. Just like I tried to drive the freeways, he tried to have a relationship. But he was scared. Even though I could have been something/someone great with spectacular opportunities and possibilities, the idea was terrifying.

It wasn't me. It wasn't anything I did. We had some minor conflicts, but nothing severe or out of the ordinary. That wasn't the point. He wasn't ready to let go of his fears. It all seems so clear to me now. I can finally stop blaming myself!

I hope that one day, he'll be able to dissolve his fears and have a happy, healthy relationship. They can and do exist, most of my awesome friends are proof of that. Sometimes I drive on the freeway and there's snow or heavy traffic, but I drive it carefully instead of finding the nearest exit. I wished I was the one he endure the rush-hour with, but it wasn't so.

Now I'm going to get all Disney/Pixar on yo' ass! This reminds me of a scene in "Finding Nemo", where Dory and Marlin are hanging on to a tastebud of a whales tongue, when the whale instructs them to let go and fall down.

Marlin: How do you know that nothing bad won't happen?
Dory: I don't.

There's no way of knowing if something bad *could* happen. Bad things happen all the time. But learning to work through those situations and trusting again, are key elements. If Marlin didn't have Dory to push him against his instincts, he never would have found Nemo.

Who'da thunk I would find such clarity from freeway driving, and Disney/Pixar? :)

The Robot has a wedgie!

My mom has a large white refridgerator at her house. In the drawer next to the fridge, she keeps washable markers. When the grandkids visit, they love doodling directly on the fridge, how fun! My girls had a slumber party at my mom's house last night, and drew a big robot on the fridge.
My mom noticed a little something between the robots legs and asked them about it. Apparently, it's his wedgie.

I'd be nothing without my girlfriends!

I love my girlfriends. ALL of them. I love the bond that women have. I love that when women are in crisis, all catty pettyness is shelved and *most* women feel natural compassion.


Girls rule and boys drool! (kidding! Still accepting boyfriend applications!)


When I was in Jr. High, I read an article in a teen magazine saying that regardless, girls will always stick together when it comes to periods. I found this to be true after a dance class in High School, when my arch-rival's BFF offered me a tampon in a moment of desperation from the bathroom stall.


Women stick together when tragedy presents itself. I dig it!


Last Sunday, I, along with 5 of my best friends, went shopping for adorable clothes and to see the latest chick flick:

It's still too new to give my opinion or a review; I'll just say that it made me love my girlfriends more than ever. I'm so lucky to be surrounded by amazing women (includeing more women than those who saw the movie with me).

I'm so glad to be part of the species. We're an amazing bunch! Please-- let bygones by bygones, celebrate your femininity and power, and rock on!! We can do anything!

(PS- Know Mr. Big? Help a girl out?-?)

I <3 Ludo!

One of my BFF's, Kimberly, has already posted about this band. I had heard them on the radio a couple of times, and seeing her post made me remember to pick the album up.

I won't repeat what she wrote, you can see it here!

But still, I'll introduce their video. I love this song, and the video is so great. The lyrics are poetic and poignant.




Love me cancerously

Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea.

'High-maintenance' means

You're a gluttonous queen

Narcissistic and mean.

Kill me romantically

Fill my soul with vomit

Then ask me for a piece of gum.

Bitter and dumb

You're my sugarplum.

You're awful, I love you!

CHORUS

She moves through moonbeams slowly

She knows just how to hold me

And when her edges soften

Her body is my coffin

I know she drains me slowly

She wears me down to bones in bed

Must be the sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead! Love me dead!

You're a faith-healer on T.V.

You're an office park without any trees

Corporate and cold

Gushing for gold

Leave me alone.

You suck so passionately

You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature finger-bangin' my heart

You call me up drunk

Does the fun ever start?

You're hideous and sexy!

REPEAT CHORUS

Must be the sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead! Love me dead!

SOLO

Love me cancerously

Brrrot-dot-da-d-da-da!

How's your new boy?

Does he know about me?

You've got the mark of the beast.

You're born of a jackal!

You're beautiful!

REPEAT CHORUS

Wha' 'bout that sign on my head

That says, oh...

Love me dead!

iBlog again

I really wish that the whole "What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas" thing would apply to my credit card bills.

Gone and Done It

A couple of posts ago, I said I needed a new haircut, or get back into therapy. I opted for the new haircut!



This is an A-line haircut; shorter in the back, gradually longer in the front. Plus the dye has a bit more red in it.

I love it! If for no other reason, than it's HEALTHY!! Bye-Bye split ends!

Hopefully this will do the trick!

I wanna rock!

Nothing better than beating a week of blues by partying with a Diez De Mayo party, hosted by some of my most amazing friends.

Not only are they and their ideas awesome, but their FOOD. OH. MY. GOD.

G&T are the best cooks I know. Anything they do, and I mean ANYTHING, is gourmet. They spoil me.

They made taco's.

Not just taco's. But steak, with onions and tasty hot peppers. And Chicken. And a choice of warmed corn or flour tortilla's. And homemade salsa, medium or hot. And homemade guacamole. And homemade corn/mango/onion/jicama/cilantro salad. Not to mention the homemade tres-de-leches cupcakes with sliced straweberries on top. Or the plentitude of high-end-tequila's.

Wow!! My friends ROCK!!!

Not just figuratively, but literally!

Here are some of us, getting ready for our jam session:



And jus' me, doing somethingIdunno:



Hopefully we'll have several more sessions of real life jamming. I'm amazed by their talent. Even more amazed that they asked me to sing!

Something's gotta give

This morning, I woke up in a serious funk. I didn't oversleep, but I was late for work. I just couldn't move. I looked at my closet, and hated all of my clothes. When I was in the shower, I got soap in my eyes. I haven't had soap in my eyes since... well, ever. I looked in the mirror and felt disgust with my hair. I was dissatisfied with my face.

The drive to work, and the walk in the building, was surreal. I just didn't want to do it today. Luckily I have cool co-workers and enjoy being around them, but I had zero passion for my work. The eight hours I spent in the office felt like an eternity.

I went to the gym, but didn't see the point. I didn't even get my usual rush when I was done.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom, this is not normal for me. I think I need to get back into therapy. Or get a drastic hair cut. Or both.

I beg you!

PLEASE!!!

Will someone find me John Cusak

Or Colin Firth?



How about a perfect combination of both.

Pretty please???

How to win my heart... or not. Whatever. And other things.

I was on a blogging streak for awhile there, but my life took some unexpected turns this week, which threw blogging and exercising for a loop. Now you know my health update.

I rarely discuss my current dating life, but here goes.

A few weeks ago I posted a blurry pic of me with some guy. He's still around, but I rarely get to see him. He travels extensively for work, plus he's got a busy life of his own. I really like this guy... he's respectful, kind, motivated, into me, intelligent, good looking, we have excellent chemistry... the whole package. If given the chance, I could totally fall for this guy. But I have a hard time reading him. Considering I rarely get to see him, I don't want to make things intense and dramatic when I do. I'm an excellent judge of character-- I feel like he likes to be with me when he can, but he's got a lot of other stuff going on. To keep myself sane, I remain casual, appreciating what I can, when I can. We have never discussed being exclusive, although I don't believe he is seeing anyone else (with what free time?), we're not at that next level.

This is difficult for me because I want to be at that level. I really want a boyfriend. I want someone that I can experience lifes ups and downs with. I want someone who will send me a random text from time to time saying something like "Hey, I'm thinking about your great smile, have a wonderful day!". Someone to bring to family dinners, and have him be proud to introduce me to his family. I want someone who can't get enough of me, but is okay spending some time apart.

Am I asking for too much? I don't think so.

So, I agreed to go out with a new guy last Friday. This guy has been persistant with me, which I dig. He pulled out the big guns and asked me out to the Melting Pot, which I love. We have a lot in common. Plus, he has a good job, lives in a nice house, and drives a nice car. All plusses, right? On our way to the restaurant, he's driving relatively crazy. He's in and out of the carpool lane (apparently the rules don't apply to him), flighty in conversation, always always wears a baseball cap. These things are not so cool to me.

We get to the restaurant, which has a full bar, and he orders Bud Light. Come on. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but I know good beer. Bud Light? Then, he starts off the conversation telling me that he's prejudiced against the asian race. Um, hello?!?!? For real? The fact that you freely talk about it, is #1, and I think the asian culture is awesome, #2. I wasn't sure what to say. He made a few derrogatory comments which I brushed off, changed the conversation, okay. Dinner is over, and we discuss options for after. It was only 8:30, I didn't want to go home. He tells me "I know of this bar that is totally white trash. The clientelle, the band, everything. I don't go there often, but it's close to my house." I agree, and off we go.

At this point, I can tell that he's really into me. Honestly, I get the feeling based on comments and gestures, that he wants to take me home. I'm not so interested. We go to the bar, the bouncer recognizes him, and he's hugging people as we pass. I thought he said he doesn't go there often? Okay... THEN, we get to the bar to order drinks, and he starts talking to these frat guys who are there. What about? I couldn't say. His back was to me and he never bothered to include or introduce me. Luckily I have my iPhone to keep me entertained, so I find a chair and sit. He turns to me, shakes my knee, and says "Sorry!" and orders our drinks. Not so long after, a waitress notices his ball cap, and starts talking to him about it. He doesn't just politely answer, but then continues to engage her in conversation. After she leaves, I say "I was about to write your number down on the napkin and hand it to her."

I know I'm not into this guy at this point, but I still feel like I should be respected. Then he gets up to order more drinks for us, and I see him flirting with some chick at the bar. Okay, no, I'm not into him. But come on, he's on a date. With ME. I'm worth more than that. He comes back to the table, and I say "Did you get her number??" And he says "No, I go up there to order our drinks, and she asks me what I'm having!" So I said "That's when you should say 'I'm having THIS, my date is having THAT." Seriously, he was flirting, not just answering her question. So we sit there in silence, drinking our drinks. Then he says "Do you want to get out of here?" I said yes. He goes to close out his tab, and he's flirting with the same girl. So I walk up to her, with my iPhone in my hand, with his information (home and cell number) on my screen. I say to her "Would you like his number? Here, you have your choice." She was shocked and bewildered and said no, I don't. I tried to get her to take it down, but she wouldn't. I see he's done, so I storm out ahead of him.

No, I'm not into him. But he was downright disrespectful. I've never been treated like this, not ever. Even my worst date ever (when I was 19), was better than this. This is my new worst date ever. On the way back to his place, where my car was parked, he says "If someone talks to me, I'm not going to be rude and ignore them." and I say "There's a difference between politely answering their questions, and engaging them in conversation." I also made it clear that he crossed the line, and I'm a great catch, who is worth more than the treatment he gave me. He said nothing. After several more minutes of silence, I say "You know, I have never been treated like shit, the way you treated me. Thanks for giving me the worst treatment I've EVER received." In which he says "No problem." We pull up to his house, I jump out of his car and into my own, and all this takes place before 10PM.

Had he apologized the next day, I would have given him an ounce of respect. But now, no. Nope. Not ever. I've been spoiled by some really great guys.

Health and blah blah blah

Here it is, my third update, and an entire month into this new "lifestyle" of mine. My goals:

• Park in the farthest parking spot away: Check
• Go on an elevator strike: uh-huh. Well, in the past month, I've taken the elevator 3 times up, one time down. The three times going up were because I was carrying some things that were difficult to balance, and the one time going down, I wanted to gossip with a co-worker who has a roller bag for their laptop.
• Drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day: Most of the time. Not so good on the weekends.
• Take a daily multi-vitamin: Yep!
• Walk or jog on the weekends: Sometimes.
• Go to the gym 5 days a week: Fo' Sho!
• Take up tennis: Not yet. Damn weather and deadlines.

This post isn't going to be my typical, rosey, YAY ME! post. I'm actually feeling quite discouraged today. Here it is, a month into this, and I can't tell any difference in my body. I know, it's only a month. But I was hoping to see *some* results by now. I wasn't expecting a miracle, but I was hoping that my clothes would at least feel a little bit more loose. Not so. I no longer have any pain in my arms and legs when I work out, which makes me think that I need to do something else to shock my system, or kick it up a notch with the weights or reps. I think this is the point where people start to give up on their plans, and I can see why it's a temptation. But I'm not going to, at the very least, my mood and energy levels are up. And I'm certainly not hurting anything by trying.

I'll end this post on an embarrassing note, feel free to laugh. Earlier this week, I managed to get a girl that I work with, to go work out with me. When we were done with the normal routine, we asked the on-site personal trainer for some suggestions on what to do for the back of our thigh's and our butts, without machines. Stuff we can do at home. She showed us how to hold either free-weightsr or a weight bar close to our bodies, slowly bend all the way down and touch our toes, then slowly stand up again. This is supposed to be awesome for that area, and you don't feel like you're really working it, until the next morning.

So we go out in the hall right outside the fitness center (Remember, this is inside the building that I work in, although away from the busy work areas) and the girl I work with asks me "Now what exactly did she tell us to dot?" So I demonstrate, pretending to hold weights in my hands, and bend over to touch my toes. When I was fully bent over, I hear a "Hmmmm" behind me, and I stand up to see a former co-worker of mine, a man. A single man. A single, very attractive (but too young for me) man. With a bright red face I explained to him what I was doing. He laughs and says "Thank you for the demonstration".

It couldn't have been someone that I didn't know and wouldn't recognize if I saw him again, it had to be someone who knows me quite well.

In addition to my weekly healthy check-ins, perhaps I should add weekly embarrassing stories?

Is it so wrong to fall so in love....

with a pair of earrings?

A co-worker of mine went to Las Vegas last weekend, and visited the Criss Angel shop at The Luxor. She saw these earrings and knew that I had to have them. Here is a picture of me wearing them, with the super cool mormon guy who sits across from me pointing at what you should look at:

A bit of a closer up pick of those adorable handcuffs:



*sigh* Thanks Julie!

PS - I'm still accepting Boyfriend Applications!

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

Why not? I've got the forum, I have some readers, perhaps this will bring others out of the woodwork.

"Why not" what?

Oh, that. Yeah. I need a boyfriend. I've got everything else going for me, and I'm a pretty great catch. Let's face it, I make a kick ass girlfriend. I stole the below "Boyfriend Application" from someone else's blog, but she posted hers nearly three years ago, so I'm assuming she already got her boyfriend. If Tish runs across this, I hope she is satisified with helping me, and realizes that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. (Thanks Tish!)

In addition, if you'll look to the upper left hand corner of my blog, click on my profile, you'll see that you can now Email me. I haven't had that before, because my email address contained my first AND last name. However, I got me some smarts, and created a new email address Just For This Blog!! It's true! I know (because I can track it) that there are a lot of people who lurk on my blog but never comment. If you'd like to talk to me about stuff that I post but aren't comfortable doing it in public, and you don't know me so you don't know my email addy, now you can!

I present to you, my boyfriend application.

BOYFRIEND APPLICATION

Name (First, Middle, and Last please!) ______________________________________________

Birthdate __________________ Zodiac Sign __________________________

Occupation ____________________________________________________________________

Long Term Goals: ______________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever been married? Yes No
If yes, why did you divorce? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(If you are still married, please discard this application immediately.)

Name and phone number of your ex-wife ____________________________________________

How often do you see and/or speak to your ex?

• Never. She mysteriously disappeared after our divorce.
• Never. She mysteriously disappeared before our divorce.
• Never. The restraining order prevents it.
• I peer through the windows when she’s not looking.
• All the time.
• We still live together.
• Other ___________________________________________________________________
  
  Do you have children? Yes No
  If no, would you like to have them one day? Yes No
  Have you ever received an intentional knee to the groin? Yes No
  If yes, would you be willing to undergo a medical examination to rule out the possibility of sterility? Yes No
  Names, ages, and genders of your children: __________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
  (If above lines offer insufficient space, you are not eligible for this position.)

Do you have a penis? Yes No (Answering no will not necessarily disqualify you, provided that you can compensate for your inadequacy.)
How do you plan to compensate?___________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(Feel free to attach photographs and/or diagrams.)

Can your body withstand long nights of sex with little or no sleep? Yes No

Hobbies and Interests: ___________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
Last movie you watched: _________________________________________________________
(If it starred Jackie Chan or Vin Diesel, you are disqualified from this position.)

Favorite TV shows: _____________________________________________________________

Favorite musicians:______________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(If any of their names begin with Ice or Snoop, please dispose of this application immediately.)

Last church visit ____________________ Name of church _____________________________

Do you regularly donate time and/or money to charity? Yes No
If yes, which charitable organizations? ______________________________________________
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________
Last random act of kindness: ______________________________________________________

How large is your porn collection?
Smaller than a breadbox Has its own room in your house
Fits neatly under your bed You rent a storage unit

Do you wear socks during sex? Yes No
If so, do I have permission to choke you with them? Yes No

Do you maintain a blog? Yes No
If yes, URL please! _____________________________________________________________
Do you blog the details of your sexual exploits? Yes No
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________

Why are you applying for this position? _______________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you are chosen for the position, what will your first order of business be? _______________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I hereby solemnly swear that I have been completely honest and forthright in my answers above. I agree to submit to any and all of the following if deemed appropriate: polygraph tests, blood tests, credit checks, criminal background checks, endurance tests, skills assessments, and reference checks.

Signature ________________________________ Date_________________

PS: I'm totally serious here! Apply within!

Healthy Lifestyle Check-in

My second weekly update.

Still going strong. I didn't get to play tennis last week, either the weather was crappy or we had deadlines to meet. We're going to shoot for this week, I'm totally excited about it.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to compete in either a Boston Marathon or Half Marathon. No, not the real thing. I have 30 days to accomplish the equivelant. It's a competition through my work, and the prizes really are fabulous (two first place prizes will be given, and they are $450 travel vouchers).

When I look at myself in the mirror I can't see any changes, but when I feel my arms, I can feel hardness where there was once flab.

Oh, and the other day, I was examining my under-arm flab (or loose skin, or whatevah), and Alexa says to me "Mommy, you are NOT very skinny" Thank you, sweetheart.

Who rocks my world?

My girls do!









One more with the ghetto horse down the road (whom they adore)!!



Today we had their year-end parent teacher conference. I can't BELIEVE that kindergarten is almost over. Didn't they just start?

I was excited for them to start. However I was not prepared for the emotions I felt as they walked into the door of the school, and away for me. Luckily for them, they had each others hand to hold. Still, they walked away from me, and into the school. They left my influence, for that of another, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Those sleepless nights, countless days watching Elmo, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and Mr. Rogers, were over. They were grown girls, ready to read, write, and learn. Not my babies anymore.

They're doing great. Their teacher said that she never needs to motivate them, they're just always happy to be there and excited to learn. May that always continue!They know all their letters, can count to 100, make friends easily, can skip, but can't dribble a ball or tie a bow. I suppose I should work on those things.

They make it easy and delightful to be their mommy!