Examining past relationships Part II

Thanks everyone for your great feedback on your last post! Writing it was therapeutic for me. It's not been painful at all... YET! In fact, I'm wondering how far I'll let myself write about. You see, I've been split with Jeremy since the first part of the year, and he's also a blogger. I will talk to him and see how he feels about it, but I know he knows I will be respectful and careful, only telling MY side of the story. Also, I've dated quite a bit since the demise of our marriage, and some of those men know about this blog (due to creative googling or me sharing the address), so I'm not sure if I want to write about those relationships or not. I want this blog to be drama free. We'll see how far I get!

Before I continue, there was one Jr. High relationship that I neglected to write about. And how could I!?!? This was my first *REAL* kiss! His name was Julian Mendozza. He was in my 7th grade English class, but I never noticed him. This was in Germany, and the Jr. High had 4 dances a year, all at night for 3 hours each: Halloween, Christmas, Valentines, and spring/end of year. The Halloween dance was my first major dance, and I was having so much fun! I finally made it into the popular crowd (eyes rolling here), and lots of boys were asking me to dance that night. For the most part I was too shy to accept, so I turned them down. By the end of the night I had a ton of adreniline running through me, and I had to stay until the very end because my mom was the student council advisor (yeah, lucky me!! not.), so most of the kids had gone home during the last 20 minutes. At one point I found myself dancing with Julian. I recognized him, but didn't know him. He was wearing a witches hat, and while we were dancing, I kept taking it off and tossing it like a frisbee. We were being playful, cute, like the 12 year olds we were. When the dance was over and lights turned on, we sat on the bleachers. He asked me if I would go with him, and I immediately said "No!" and got up and walked away. My parents were RIGHT THERE! Later I was chastised by friends, who told me that Julian was the sweetest guy who would never hurt a flee. The next monday at school, I walked right up to him on the school grounds and said "I made a mistake when I said no to you on Friday night. Is it too late for me to change my mind?" He had a big toothy grin and said "Not at all!" and we hugged, our friends clapped, Jr. High romance at its finest.

That week, I was staying at my best friends building, who lived right across the street from his building (Air Force Base housing here!). So we walked home from school together. He saw my friend and I carrying laundry down to the basement through the windows in the stairwell, so he and his friend came over to hang out with us. I told him I must have looked like a dork carrying laundry down and he shook his head and said "No, you looked FINE." *sigh*. The next morning we walked to school together, then home together that afternoon. A bunch of kids from the neighborhood got together that night to hang out and shoot the breeze before bedtime, and my best friend Mandy (the girl who french kissed her boyfriend on the playground in 5th grade, noted in previous post) said "Tonight is the night you two will kiss!" She whispered that into Julian's ear, grabbed all the other kids hanging out with us, and disappeared into the stairwell. Julian and I stared at each other, as nervous as we could be. We kept looking away, looking at each other, the ground, blushing giggling. Goodness gracious, I was TWELVE YEARS OLD. Then at one moment, our eyes met, we each took a step closer. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close and planted a wet one on me. After that we stepped back, and he ran home across the street. The kids came out of the stairwell laughing, clapping. I went to bed, dreaming of that kiss.

The next day at school, he and I were shy around each other. We walked home again, keeping our distance. The next morning, I broke up with him. I wasn't ready for such a step. But, was it that, or did I get what I want and then leave? I dunno. I never missed him. He turned into a bit of a hoodlum after that. I found him attractive in the "bad boy" sort of way, but because he was not mormon and I was so, so mormon, I wouldn't consider that.

WAIT! One other Jr. High relationship I haven't written about! Andy Welch. I loved him. Looking back, he was my first true love. I knew him since 5th grade, but one day in 7th grade I looked at him and though "Wow.!" I loved him from the middle of November until... well that love didn't end, and was unrequited. I tried to get over him but he knew I had these feelings. At one point he had a little crush on me and wanted to dance with me at the Valentines dance, but I had plans with my family and dad's office to go Skiing in Innsbruck, Austria that weekend. I did have priorities. He couldn't ask me to dance with him, and ended up re-connecting with an old girlfriend of his, Jill Safkin. I had it for him that entire year. To me, he was perfect. I will always consider him the first boy I fell in love with. I know it was 7th grade, but I also know the feeling of love. That was it. I have no clue what happened to him after I left.

On to High School: I moved back to Bountiful just before my senior year of high school. I moved into a ward where I was the only girl my age. Everyone was either 2 years older than me, or 1 year younger. Instead of having me regress, they were nice and allowed me to join the laurels before I was of age, because those girls were in high school and would take care of me. When I first moved into the ward, a woman told me that she had a son my age (the only boy our age in the ward), but he was in Europe on some sort of field trip. Huh, ok, whatever. The sunday before the first day of school, he arrived. Stephen Flynn. W.O.W. Stephen was everything I liked in a boy. He was tall. Had sloppy hair but NOT A MULLET (this was 1990, after all). He had round glasses. He was my age. He.was.PERFECT. I could not stop staring. I was sitting on the stand because my family had to speak and introduce themselves since we were new in the ward. I stared at him the entire time. When I was speaking, I saw him sit up straight and listen to me. All I could think was, "I'm going to marry him". I just knew I would. We weren't introduced that day. The next day, first day of high school, I saw him scaling the stairs, and he was wearing a Smiths t-shirt. Could he be anymore perfect??

Nothing more happened with him until we started rehearsing for the road show and had to spend several saturdays and cast parties together. I was smitten, in a way I never knew possible. Stephen and I started this amazing friendship. We got together all the time and hung out at all the high school stomps, games, and church dances together. First time he asked me to slow dance was during "Somebody", by Depeche Mode. Second time was "Unchained Melody". I was sure the feelings were returned. We gave each other christmas presents, spent New Years Eve together, hung out at school, talked on the phone every night-- didn't this mean we were an item? He turned 16 right before the Jr. Prom, and told me how he so looked forward to that being his first date. I wasn't turning 16 until a month after that, but made it clear to him that my mom would still let me go to a school sponsored dance. I hoped he would ask me. I expected him to ask me. Then, I found out through my best friend Emilie (Yes, the girl I named my Emilie after) who was good friends with his younger brother, that he had asked Sharon Goodrich, one of THE most popular girls at school. And, she said yes. Ugh. Heartbreak. Crushed. Devistated.

The rest of my sophomore year, I felt like I lived in the shadow of Sharon. She was cute, pretty, and popular. I was a new girl (kind of. I grew up there and had just moved back. Sharon was actually my best friend in 1st grade), and not one to be desired. I kept my distance from Stephen the rest of the year, although I did try once to reclaim our friendship, by asking him to my first girls choice dance. We had fun, nothing happened, yadda yadda. During that summer, Stephen confonted me about how knows we were such great friends then I lost it when he asked someone else to the dance. He still wanted to be my friend. So we were very platonic friends after that, not talking about much else.

I can see that this is going to take more than one post, and this one is long enough. I'll continue the saga of Stephen in my next post. Suffice it to say, I carried a torch for him for many, many years. I hope he googles his name someday and reads all this.