I get by with a little Help from my friends

I like to think of myself as self sufficient.  Emotionally.  Intellectually.  Physically.  Monetarily.  (amazing, I think all of these elements are key to a good relationship, as well!)  I defend this right to be self sufficient, at many costs.  I hide my thoughts and feelings in order to protect myself and those around me.  In the process, I only damage myself.

Case in point:  Late last month, my dad noticed that my tires were balding, and told me that I should get new tires.  I groaned at him (come on, this was right when my daughters had their birthday, and xmas was fast approaching.  Who has money for something that will make them more safe with all this snow we've been having?  Not me!!).  At that point he said, "Tell me if you need some help!"

I didn't tell him.  I ignored it.  With pure damn luck (and a brother in the business), I got new tires, and they've handled the snow with beauty and grace!  Forgive me for the sappiness-- we've had a lot of snow lately.  If I had just told my dad that I needed help sooner, I would have gotten what I need, when I needed it.  I can't believe how lucky I am that my brother was in the mood to do a good deed.

Reminds me of the time after I had my twins.  My husband at the time only had a few days off of work to help out.  After that, I had nothing.  I was too proud to ask for any.  I had some co-workers, and one or two neighbors, say "if you need anything, let me know!!".  Of course, what was I going to do?  Call them an admit a weakness?  That I couldn't supply everything that myself, and my daughters needed?  Hell no!  I can do this!  I don't need no stinkin' help!

And I took no help.  I didn't ask for help.  I was Too Proud.

Why do I do this to myself?

I've had some tough times recently.  A friend was telling me about someone he knows with a certain insecurity, and in order to hide it, they shine it to the public and make it seem like their strongpoint.  At that point I realized, that proclaiming my independence, that really, truly, and TOTALLY, I am not self sufficient.

I Need people.  I rely on them.  I want to be around them.  I want the human touch, understanding, and love.  For so long, I've considered this a weakness.  But take a look around the animal kingdom-  the families stick together.  In Africa, the tribes stick together.  In this day and age, our close friends ARE our extended family.  Why shouldn't we rely on each other, cling to each other, help each other?

The shit we face is too much to take alone.

Thanks to everyone who has been there for me, who has helped me and continues to help me through the tough times.  I need you!  I know I'm a lot of work, but please know that my appreciation and admiration is genuine, and will be returned.

I hope the holidays are going great for all!  I, for one, can not wait until January 3rd when everything resumes to normal.

~XY