The People

"In a sky full of people, only some learn to fly. Isn't that Crazy" ~Seal

I want to write about some of the people that I met at the crazy place. None of their names are the actual names. These characters will likely come up in future blog posts. The following post was written for purely selfsih reasons, I don't expect anyone to really pay attention to it. I just didn't want to forget these details.

The first person I met was John. He is the man who came up to me my first night and told me that I was going to be okay. The next morning I was sitting on the couch in the dining area, and he sat next to me. He asked me if I was a cutter. I asked him if I looked like a cutter, and he said yes. I told him no, and told him what happened. He told me that he drove his car into a concrete wall on the freeway going 115 MPH. The airbags saved his life, and broke his ribs. John and I clicked immediately, he became one of my favorite people. He never got to move up to my unit but was given cafeteria priveleges, so I got to see him every day. Every time he saw me, he told me I looked 100 times better than I did the day before. Later he told me that my first night there I was so roughed up, I looked like a wrestler. We joked about that ever since.

After I moved into the adult unit, I met TJ. TJ seemed like a typical boyscout, and for some reason I felt safer having him there. He became my hero after he gave me one of his disposable razors so I didn't have to be an amazon woman anymore. (we were trusted with razors in the shower, but had to give them back). TJ also told me I looked better every time I saw him. One night we had a fire alarm go off at 3AM, and he was running up and down the halls banging on everyones door making sure they were awake (fals alarm). He was there for two weeks, and I never knew why.

Stuart. I could write poetry about Stuart. Possibly the most beautiful soul I have ever met. He is active LDS, has an adorable wife and baby son. He was very sad. For absolutely no reason. He said he's always suffered with depression. He was there for electric shock treatment. My first day there, I was napping in my room, and heard music down the hall. I thought it was the radio, so I went to see what was up. It was Stuart playing his guitar and singing "The World I Know" by Collective Soul. When he was done I asked him if he took requests, but unfortunately he didn't know anything by U2. He introduced himself to me, and after that, for some reason was comfortable with me. I found out later that he was excruciatingly shy and didn't introduce himself to anyone. He sat by me at group therapy sessions and at mealtimes. He played his guitar for us every night, it was a major mood boost. He was discharged the day before I was, and he was terrified to go home and face his reality. Such talent in this beautiful soul, such kindness. So much sadness. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I will always have a part of Stuart in my heart.

Sammie, my roommate. She is a southern belle that swears like a sailor, we got along great. She had some of the funniest sayings and was hilarious without trying. Sammie has lived alone most of her life. Her family lives across the country, and she has two cats for companions. She OD'd on over the counter pills with whiskey, because tired of her sad, lonely, and also overwhelming life. Going to this place was heaven for her. She was constantly surrounded by people who understood her, talked to her, and laughed with her. This was like a vacation at a restort for her. At night time, she would talk and talk and talk my ear off. One time I got up to go to the bathroom and closed the door. She kept talking to me. I shouted through the door "Sammie, I don't mean to be rude, but I have a shy bladder and can't talk and pee at the same time." And she said "oh, ok." then continued talking. *sigh* My last night there I tried going to bed after she was already asleep, but as soon as I entered the room, she started talking. No sleep for Christy.

Evan, former high school jock in his mid 20's. Alcoholic, drug addict, depressive. Very attractive guy, but was mostly stand-offish. However, once in awhile he would completely blow me away by sharing some deep, personal secrets. He had a great soul, just didn't want it to be widely known. He is staying there to detox, then entering a 30 day program to help him overcome his addictions. I admire him for having the strength to seek help at such a young age. He has a lot of bravery and I cross my fingers that he will make it.

Danny is 22, formerly in the Navy. Tall, thin, shoulder length curly dark hair with shine to make any girl green with envy. He also had tattoo's all over his body. I like to call him "Drama Queen". Every group session, we would brace ourselves for Danny to talk because he would go on and on and tell the same stories every time. He loved being the center of attention, loved being dramatic, loved the drugs he was getting (valium) to help him overcome anxiety and depression. He was a good guy, we had some good conversations. I don't know how he'll handle life in the real world, I'm afraid he'll go back to his old ways. He thought I was his age. Heh.

Hannah is also 22, she had been in the facility for two weeks, was still there when I left. This poor girl has experienced more pain and anguish in her life than anyone should ever have to in a million years. She watched her father kill her little brother when she was 4 and her brother was 18 months. He went to prison for 7 years then her mom welcomed him back home. She married her high school sweetheart when she was 18, he passed away in his sleep when they were 20. She has a quietly optimistic attitude. She was real.

Janet is a BYU student about to graduate, married in the temple with two kids, and is addicted to pain pills. She left the same day I did and is headed to a wilderness program in southern Utah for 35 days to overcome her addiction. She and I connected right away. After I was finally granted access to walk around without an escort, she and I went for a walk together. She told me "Christy, I just wanted to share something with you. Whenever people get up in sacrament meeting and say 'I know the church is true', I think that I just want to get up there and say 'the gospel of the church is true, but the people are not'". I just smiled and nodded, it wasn't the time to blow up and say "I didn't leave because I was offended! It was the history!".

Zane is a cool punk kid, and was kicked out of 3 universities for dealing drugs such as heroine, cocaine, and meth out of his dorm rooms. He dressed ultra hip and had gauges in his ears, with black spikey hair streaked with bright colors. This was his second attempt at detoxing. When his meds weren't kicking his ass and forcing him to sleep, he was funny, articulate, and intelligent. He is also the instigator of "The Banana Incident" that will deserve its own blog entry in the future. The night before I left, his friends called him and had relapsed. They said "Zane, you've relapsed before, you can relapse again! Fake it and get out of there and come do meth with us!" This devistated Zane and the doctors decided not to release him until he finds other methods of support when he leaves. When I left he gave me a big hug and wrote his number down and said "You better call me!".

Bob was a big brother/father figure to me. He is a rugged truck driver with a rough exterior but has the softest, most tender insides. He and I joked around a lot and had a lot of laughs together. Not once but twice he tried to force me to watch "Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy"... ugh! He's been unhappily married for 20 years, really wants a divorce, but has two daughters that he doesn't want to disappoint. One of his daughters was raped on easter two years ago, and he has a lot of residual anger from that. This recent easter, it all became too much for him, so he put a gun to his head and tried to pull the trigger, but it didn't go off. So then he took some anti anxiety meds with some whiskey. My last night there he banged on my bedroom door after I was asleep and said "GOODNIGHT!", reminding me of a pesky older brother.

The last person I'll write about is Scott. Scott is a former police officer for one of SLC's toughest neighborhoods. He was very attractive, in extremely great physical condition. His wife looked like a barbie doll and he had four above average looking children. You would never expect to see someone like him suffer with such severe depression. Scott was shot in the line of duty a few years ago, and had to medically retire. He told me that there is so much going on in our communities that doesn't make the 6 or 10 o'clock news.

There were many others. A retired school teacher. And alcoholic single mother. An alcoholic stay at home mom of four children. A beauty queen who suffers from narcotics addiction. A woman whose husband was leaving her after his 16th affair. The day before I left, two women detoxing from meth were admitted. I've never seen anyone detox before, it was quite the reality check. I never want to forget those images.

So many different people, so many different paths in life. Somehow, we all ended up at the same place at the same time, and had no masks to hide behind. Depression and addiction does not discriminate.

"Imagine all the people living for today" ~John Lennon