There are people who come in to your life, that I consider to be "Once in a Lifetime Friends". These are the people that you know you are lucky to know. The friends who love you no matter what, and that you love, no matter what. Friends that you may go years between speaking to, but when you do, you pick up right where you left off. Friends that you look at in awe, because you know just how lucky you are to know them. What's even more amazing, is that they want to be friends with you, too!
I've been so lucky to have such a friend. I've posted about her before, she's known on the Degenerate Elite as Patsy. She's always been supportive of my blog and leaves her great personality spattered throughout the comments.
Patsy is the most funky and fun person I know. She is the epitome of ultra hip, even without trying to be. She's always been, in my mind, the type of person who is the best at whatever she does. Whether it's cleaning her house, painting a portrait, drawing a charcoal ape, flirting with boys, baking a chocolate cake from scratch, singing, doing her hair and makeup, doing friends hair and makeup, swimming the butterfly stroke, playing the flute, drawing charicatures of just about anything, or harvesting the bones out of a corpse. Yes, that too. Her talents reach far and wide. And truly, she is the best at whatever it is. The spectacularly amazing part about this, is that she's so damn humble about it. She doesn't think she's the best, she just is.
Patsy listens to me without judgement. She has allowed me to return that favor by confiding in me as well. She has always offered an understanding and open heart, and has a way to find the humor in any situation. I've seen her face the harshest of lifes realities, and she handles everything with incredible dignity and grace. She is, without question, someone that I am damn lucky to know. It's crazy for me to remember a time that I avoided her presence (stupid high school drama!)
Patsy is facing the toughest challenge of her life right now. Her darling husband, her best friend and her soul mate, has been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of mestatic melanoma. His doctors have given him two months, but every day it seems to get a little more scary for them.
I was just at Patsy's house last month. I spoke to her husband, and held their 7 month old baby. This baby is the first baby that I've ever held that has given me those baby hunger pains. She is so sweet, and so loved. Patsy and her husband went through their own personal hells (he has fought cancer before, and was just told that he beat it. She went through a horrible divorce), and found each other 5 1/2 years ago. They are so in love, so happy, and have built a wonderful life together and finally had their dreams come true of having a beautiful daughter. Then they get this devistating blow.
This is where I need my blog friends and readers... if any of you have any experiences with this kind of cancer, let me know and I'll give you the link to their blog where you can offer support and/or encouragement. If you'd like to see their blog and I know you, send me an email and I'll give you the link. Otherwise, please, whatever it is you do to have miracles performed, can you please keep this family as part of your practice? If you meditate, pray, positive thoughts, vibes, whatever... please keep my friends in your hearts.
All of my love to Patsy and her family.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Oh wow. I know this is not the answer anyone wants to hear. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Two people very close to me in my family have died of metastatic melanoma - and it is indeed practically incurable and extremely aggressive. God, I'm just so sorry. I will hope for a miracle - I will indeed hope that they find a way to treat melanoma that has metastasized. Once it's spread at all past the original site, there's roughly nothing they can do. It's terrifying. (And it's why I never go in the sun anymore.)
Patsy, yes, keep hope alive, that there can be some miracle. And prepare yourself also for the lack of one. You'll get through this, I promise you, yet rough times are ahead. It is very hard to care for someone in late-stage cancer, so go easy on yourself. Get the help you'll need. A good hospice caregiver can make all the difference in your life over the next months (not exaggerating at all. Hey Christy, PM Nurse in Black from NOM/FLAK, she is a hospice nurse, and she's clearly a very good one - she could give some great input and advice, I just know it). And rely on your friends and family. And hang on to that beautiful girl of yours. She needs you.
Hug and talk to your husband all you can. Store up what you can. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so blunt when encouragement is what was asked, but I can only be honest. Help him talk to his daughter for the future, so she'll know him. Store up what you can of him. Be his best friend through what will be the hardest thing either of you will ever do.
I'm so sorry. I send love and hugs, and know they are useless. I'm totally sobbing while I write this. I am so sorry.
Christy, take good care of your friend. I will understand if you want to edit or delete this.
-Di
What a sad turn of life for them. And you.
My thoughts are to get him on Hospice asap, as they may be able to help Patsy find some footing in this, and give her some local resources to utilize for grief counseling, rights of the child to receive SS benefits, etc.
On a more personal note however, I would ask them to get out their video camera and make some movies for the baby to view of her daddy.
Have each short film be from Daddy to Daughter with his advice for milestones in her life. Dating is a big one, and he might give her some very lasting advise on how to steer clear of jerk men.....another film for her 16th or 13th birthday...another for her wedding day....and of course, one on her 21st....with advise on becoming a woman (from daddy's view) and that he will always be with her in spirit and be her guardian angel.
These films, or letters don't have to be lengthy.....he can also attach a charm to each film, to be slowly added to a bracelet from him to her.
My father is gone 20 years now....and I would kill to have his advice in my life again.
One other aspect of hospice care is that towards the end, the pain of cancer can become very unbearable. Hospice is able to give much larger doses of pain relief...often with side effects which include prolonged sleep....but by the end, most patients are begging to be unaware through it. Regular doctors are on the "save a life" mode and few will give the doses at the strength needed to relieve pain.
If you will please PM me on NOM, I can give you some links (thanks to Froggie) and talk more privately with you.
I am so very sorry for Patsy and her family. I have MM cancer which is in remission, but I totally expect it to be my final swan song....and I dread the day I get the word it's back.
My first advice is towards the baby. Daddy needs to leave her some guiding influence and an anchor to help her navigate this harsh world.
I hope he has the strenth to do so. The time runs out all too quickly, and can take a turn very suddenly.
Send me a PM...we can exchange private emails and communicate easier.
Blessings, Nurse in Black
Wow, NiB - thanks for that. My dad's been gone for seven years, and I feel the same way you do. The Hospice, though, could not have been a better thing for us. Thank you for that.
I didn't know you had MM too. I hope yours stays in remission. I will likely be in that boat one of these days myself, as I have it on both sides of my family.
Christy, I really hope this helps. Once you realise things are headed a certain direction, I think the practical things of how to leave meaningful insights into daddy's heart and mind for his daughter, and then how to manage pain/awareness are hugely, hugely helpful.
Hugs again to you and Patsy and her family.
- D
Christy,
this post brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful tribute to your friend and what an incredibly difficult thing for this young family to experience. My heart and thoughts go out to you and them.
peace
Christy.
I couldn't sleep tonight in the hospital room, so I decided to check your blog for the first time in weeks.
I don't know what to say. I love you so much, and I'm so grateful to have you as a timeless friend.
Thank you for the help, and for inspiring your friends to help me out. I will get Bryce some charms for Dani.
Christy, Patsy,
Here is an article I ran across on discovermagazine.com (science and Technology is a weekness of mine...I know, the nerd side of me).
This is by no means meant to create false hope, but when it comes to life and death, I'll take 1-60,000 odds any day over zero. Anyway, its an interesting article...I wish I could offer more help.
Great article, BR - I'm glad you posted the link. I was really disappointed when my dad opted to do no treatment at all - even though his MM prognosis was very bad, I always thought there was SOME chance, however slim. It's nice to read a story like that with some science and human power of will and hope behind it - not a cheesy 'miracle' of healing by some god who arbitrarily heals a few people when he damn well feels like it.
On a related note, we just nursed our cat back from death's door. The vet gave her a 5% chance of surviving the next two days. DH was determined that that 5% would be all he needed, and he freaking willed that cat to live. She's running around the house now as we speak. The vet later told us that the 5% was just meant to make us feel better - she had wanted to put the cat down right then and there to spare us the trauma of watching her die over the next day or so. Life is strange.
Hugs again to Patsy and family - hope you are doing okay, and that you don't feel too overwhelmed to enjoy some day-to-day time and experiences.
I'm sending some serious good vibes and strength from Montana to Patsy and her husband. What a horrible nightmare.
I thought NiB's advice was wonderful about videos. That can be a beautiful gift even if he beats this awful MM.
Post a Comment