That's my girl!

This is a conversation I overheard between my daughters:

Alexa: I'm going to marry Jacob [classmate] when I grow up because I love him!
Emilie: Does Jacob doesn't love Maya [another classmate]?
Alexa: Well Maya wants to marry Jacob, but he's just going to marry me!
Me: Alexa, why do you love Jacob?
Alexa: Because he rocks and I love his voice!
***then Alexa turns to speak directly to her sister***
Alexa: Emilie, I want to see his brain!

Lyrics speak to me!

It's been awhile since I've blogged, and I'm sorry to those of you who check in to see absolutely nuthin'! Thanks for continuing to check in, and PLEASE don't stop!! I've had a lot going on in my personal and professional life and have been quite busy!

I've been listenting to Ben Folds Five tonight, one of my favorite bands ever! Ben Folds is a master at the piano and at the lyrics. I was looking some lyrics up, and I came across the following gem:

"Satan Is My Master"

Satan is my master
He has always been
He tells me what to do
He buys my Metallica records for me
And sometimes I think...

Satan is my master

While we're at it, I would like to announce five new blogs to my blog link list!

Aerin Aerin is a fellow ex-mo mother of twins! I used to believe that twin moms were hand picked by god. Now I just believe twin moms, especially ex-mo twin moms, ought to stick together!

Doug Humphrie's Eight Hour Lunch I had the pure pleasure of meeting Doug in real life last summer at the War on Jello, before I knew he was a blogger. If I had permission from him, I would post a picture of him playing the guitar (hint hint!). I've admired Doug from afar for awhile now, so I'm pleased as punch that he wants to be on my blog list! I hope I get to hear him play on his guitar again soon! HEY DOUG! Shiree got a drumset for her birthday, I sense an ex-mo rock band in the making!

Rip Zip So damn funny, so damn intelligent! A fellow youngest of the family like me, so we can relate in many non-bloggable ways! Also the sister of Belaja (mentioned in previous post) so you know the genetics are in their favor. There are so many aspects of her life that I want.

Thunderchops Crap Floats after posting with him on the DAMU for over a year, I finally had the pure pleasure of meeting him in person in October. He is as genuine and kind as they come, and I love his thoughtful writing style. His wife is equally as great, but she doesn't blog.

Wry Catcher Never have I met a woman that I want to emulate more than her. I've been a fan of hers since I very first met her on the DAMU last summer, and was lucky enough to become really great friends with her, even if it's only cyberly for now. Trust me, you want to read her blog. She has a way of wording things that rivals Dooce. I'm thrilled that she finally has a freakin' blog!

The blogs I read and why I read 'em

Warning: If you don't like gushing, I suggest you turn away now. I thought I would explain why each of these links are on my "Blogs I Read" list. Perhaps you can give some of these the traffic they deserve?

In alphabetical order:

A New Eric Eric is a close personal friend of mine, and one of the reasons why I started blogging in the first place. On his blog he journeys his process of developing into the man he wants to become. His stories are always compelling and well written.

Arizona Expositor At one time a convert to mormonism, now finding his spiritual journey with Judaism.

Belaja I met Belaja on the DAMU now the DAMU nearly two years ago. Belaja has always been a hero of mine. She is a very strong, intelligent, and witty woman who is one of the best writers ever. We bonded over U2 when I found out she attended the famous concert at Sun Devil Stadium in Arizona where parts of Rattle And Hum was filmed, and later she then stole my heart by carrying around a fuck you stick and not being afraid to use it on idiots. Vote for Belaja in 2008!

Darwin's Apostle written by my friend Dr. Ros. Ros is the coolest spaz of a woman who recently completed her PhD and has just started her post doc fellowship at a prestigious university. Damn her aspirations that keep her from blogging more often! (I miss you, Ros! When are we gonna make out?)

Dooce Why wouldn't I read Dooce? First blog I ever started following faithfully. I keep hoping that we're going to meet and she'll realize that I'm the best friend she never had but always wanted. I keep my eyes on the lookout for her when I'm out and about in the city, that's not too stalker-ish, is it?

Equality Time I met Equality over a year ago, also on the DAMU. Equality worships U2 almost as much as I do! His blog is extremely well written and thought provoking. He is a non-believer in mormonism who at this time, chooses to remain a part of the church. I think that if someone were to make positive changes from the inside, he would be the man to do it.

Every Wrong Move AKA Liseysmom. Liseysmom and I used to post on the same LDS parenting message board for years, and found the DAMU and left mormonism at the same time. Two years ago this summer, my husband and I made a trip out to her neck of the woods to do a tour of the east coast. Plus, she and her husband took me to my first strip club! Good times, good times.

Fiddley Gomme AKA Pete Dunn. His blog is full of brutal honesty, charm, and charisma. Pete could quite possibly be the male equivelant of Dooce.

La's Self Discovery Blog La is another close personal friend of mine, and yet another reason why I started blogging. It was easier to stalk her this way. I met La about a year ago, and we hit it off and have been great friends ever since. La's blog chronicles her self discovery, always a great read!

Floating in the Milk also a friend from the DAMU. Her blog talks about her experiences attending church as a non believer but who chooses to stay in to support her husband and family. She is a strong woman with fascinating views and opinions.

From the Ashes even though she lives as far away from me as you can get and still be in the same country, I've had the great pleasure of meeting her twice. We left mormonism at the exact same time and found the DAMU at the exact same time, so it's interesting for me to see our progress. Her blog is among the most well written and thought provoking that I know of. She has a beautiful way of expressing herself in an intelligent, concise manner. Secret fantasy: I would love to share a bottle of wine with her and Dooce and just listen to the conversation that would take place after.

Gluby Gluby is new to the blog world but it feels like he's always been there. He started posting and just fit right in. I love what he has to say and love the commentary he brings to my blog.

Jer Illuminated My husbands blog, why wouldn't I read it? He gives his own account of his exit from mormonism and rants about work.

Just One Of Many AKA Amy. Amy is witty, sassy, and sexy. Plus she started the Bitchin' Bikini Club.

Lemon Blossom AKA Bride of Gluby. She is new to the blogging community, also new in her exit from mormonism. She's starting to take up belly dancing, what's not to love?

Letters From a Broad AKA C.L. Hanson I love love love this blog! This woman has it all- looks, brains, intelligence, AND she gets to live in France. She's got a book coming out that I insist you check out! It's called Exmormon, the novel.

Miranda's Meanderings I've known Miranda cyberly for nearly two years now, also from the DAMU. But not the regular DAMU, but the DAMUU (DisAffected Mormon Underground Underground). Miranda is a stellar example that you can do anything you want to do as long as you put your mind to it. Plus I don't think I've seen her make one grammar mistake, ever.

Post Secret I've got a secret that I can't explain. Who doesn't?


Ramblings of a MattMan Matt's blog talks about the difficulties of being unhappily married to a believing spouse. My heart breaks for the guy, I hope he's able to find happiness soon. His story is captivating.

Ramblings of a SAHM Regina Filangi. She is a true sweetheart, and if we didn't live across the country I'm sure we'd be great friends in real life. Poor girl is having massive computer issues at the moment so she's been an absentee. But I miss her, and not in the relief society kind of way!

Rebecca... and all that Entails HI-LAR-I-OUS!!!!! This girl has more wit in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body. I used to think she hated me, then she started reading my blog and being nice to me so I think she likes me now. At any rate, I love her to pieces and hope to meet her in person soon. She rawks!


Sideon's Sanctuary Sideon is my twin sister trapped in a gay mans body. He is thoughtful and well written, and somehow I feel better knowing that he reads my blog and responds. I've been told before that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body, and I believe that is a grand assessment. If he doesn't come out to Utah soon, I'm tempted to crash his place.

Sister Mary Lisa SML is quite possibly the most popular woman in outer bloggness. She makes great efforts to read and respond to everyones blogs, full of support, kindness, and sincerity. She has a way of writing that really takes you into situations and makes you feel like you were there. Her, in and of herself, has made blogging worthwhile. It's a pleasure to know her!

Sum Wun Not new to blogging but new to me! He is close personal friends with Pete Dunn and I can only imagine how fun it would be to be in the same place at the same time as these two. Plus, his writing can be a little on the erotic side and it kinda turns me on.

Tales of the Phoenix Michelle is another IRL friend of mine. She's a nevermo transplant to Utah, but hangs with the ex-mo's. She is gorgeous, funny, and a fabulous cook! She brought me some of her Boston Creme Cupcakes that were out-of-this-world-to-die-for! She met me at my most unglamorous moment but chooses to be my friend anyway, so I love her! :)

Last, but not least....
This, That, and the Other recently changed to Puddle of Nothing (I'll have to change my linky link!). This is Randy. I met Randy at the DAMU (and the DAMUU) a couple of years ago. He is an attorney in New Orleans that chronicles everything from his autistic sons, the cleanup efforts of Hurricane Katrina, TV and movies, and his exit from mormonism. This guy is a real sweetheart and someone I am very glad to know.

*whew*! If you are not on my blog list but would like to be, let me know!

Hawaiian Shirt Fridays

Please please please tell me that I'm not the only one who detests Hawaiian shirt fridays.



Does anyone work in an office that does NOT participate in this hideous ritual?

Happy birthday (one day late) to my BFF Shiree! She has entered her 30's with style and grace! Tomorrow night we're gonna party like it's her birthday, playboy mansion style. I can't wait!

The opposite of charming

Deep thoughts by Christy:

If you're talking to me, and I'm doing all I can to not look at you, and I'm doing my best to rush the conversation, then you probably have food on your face. I would tell you, but we're not at that level of friendship.

Missed opportunities

One of my reasons for disaffection was the fact that I never had any spectacular spiritual moments. I had moments that seemed spiritual, but even as a true believer in the church, I could never reconcile the fact that I had a certain blessing was because I was mormon. If that were the case, then I may as well thank god for being white and rich (globally speaking).

I started thinking about this because recently, I found my patriarchal blessing re-read it. It was rather generic, relatively speaking. I got it when I was very young, and to be completely honest, I wanted it more as a way to tell my future than anything. I was 14 at the time and I wanted to know if I was going to get married and have kids and live to see the second coming. I could have cared less what my lineage was... of course it was Elijah, I was white and American! I did what every young girl is supposed to do before her blessing... I prayed, I fasted, I read the scriptures, I wanted this to happen! Then my best friend in my ward wanted it too, so she scheduled her appointment for a week after mine. I remember going to my blessing and really trying hard to feel spiritual and impressed, but perhaps I had built it up in my head a little too much? Looking back, it was anticlitmatic. After my friend had her blessing she called me to talk about it. We were best friends so of course we could reveal all to each other! Her blessing was practically the same as mine, verbatim. At the time I thought... "huh. Either we're very close, or the patriarchal blessing is a crock". I wasn't best friends with this girl much longer after that, so there goes my first theory.

This got me to thinking about other moments that were supposed to be spiritual but weren't. Not in any specific order other than what comes to my brain first:

Frankfurt temple dedication. I remember the date, it was August 30 1987. The day before my first day of 7th grade. My parents were invited to the celestial room for the dedication, so my sister and I went with my bishop and his wife to one of the other viewing rooms. I still don't understand why my parents were invited to the celestial room and my bishop wasn't. My mom was the stake relief society president, but this other dude was the bishop! He's since revealed that he's gay and is out of the church, but still... it doesn't make sense. I was excited for this- my first temple dedication! It was going to be amazing and spiritual and... why is that old man in the back of the room clearing his throat constantly? Why do I have to wave this stupid handkerchief? I feel silly! This isn't spiritual! What's wrong with me?

Baptisms for the dead. I had heard urband ledgends of people who did baptisms and had visions of those they were doing work for. Never happened for me. Could it be because I was always more interested in where we were going for dinner afterwards or what boys would be in the same car as me on the way home? I dunno, maybe. Still, I felt like there was something wrong with me.

Taking my own endowments out. It wasn't so bad, not terribly freaky or anything. It was weird seeing my friends and family in those weird outfits, acting like everything was normal. Afterwards I had a disagreement with my husband to be and didn't speak to him for several hours. My dad told me about the blood atonments on the way home. (my dad was a non believer all this time... he was trying to give me hints that I didn't catch on to) It was all just "okay". Nothing groudbreaking or spiritual like I had hoped.

Being sealed in the temple. I haven't a clue what was said. I barely remember who was there. I couldn't wear my own dress because it was too low-cut and not completely white. My husbands cousin invited her friend who was doing a session with her at the temple earlier that morning, I think it was a mission companion or something. That pissed me off.

I did have one moment that was spiritual, and that's it. After being home from the hospital with newborn twins for about 4 hours, my reality set in. I cried. And I cried and I cried. For about 36 hours straight, I cried. I finally told my husband to call around and see who could give me a blessing. It was the day after thanksgiving so I suppose we were lucky to get anyone at all, but we ended up with our bishop and good friend from down the street. Not too shabby. We each had blessings, and talked to them for a bit. After they left, we both felt like a huge burden was lifted. When we were figuring out how we felt about the church, this was the one thing that kept us thinking that maybe we should stay. Then I got to thinking, how stupid is that! Yes we felt something that night, but why would god lift my burden just because I knew to ask for a blessing? If there is a god, then no matter what their faith or how they've been taught to believe, he's going to help them out when they need it. That, and I think it helped us to talk to other people who had been through the new parenting process. That, and the next day my sister brought over some of her leftover prozac which held me over until I could get my own prescription.

I have had some moments where I felt enlightenment and spirituality where it wasn't expected. They are:

My first U2 concert. And the 2 other U2 concerts I went to that year were on par.
Walking in Murren, Switzerland. Wry Catcher knows exactly what I'm talking about here!
Finding meaning in an episode of scrubs. This happens whenever it airs.
Overcoming paralyzing fears. I've come a long way, baby!
Re-connecting with close friends that I haven't spoken to in far too long. There's something about a genuine connection to your past.
Finding out that I had more in common with my siblings than I thought. And realizing that I like them, apart from loving them because I have to.

Just to name a few.

I'm No Superman

Or Superwoman, for that matter.

Did anyone watch Scrubs tonight? As the nature of Scrubs has been, I laughed throughout the episode and was crying by the end. The writers of this show are Pure.Genious. I could probably write a blog post about each and every episode and how it relates to my life. But that would get boring. Still, I'm going to talk about tonights episode.

Spoilers if you haven't seen it and are planning on watching it! Turn away now!

The main plot of tonights episode "My House" revolved around JD and his pregnant girlfriend Kim. Kim has a job offer in another state that would be fantastic for her career, which lasts for 4 months. So does she stay with her boyfriend (who impregnated her), or does she take the opportunity of a lifetime? JD wants her to stay. He loves her, he wants to be with her while she's carrying his child. He can't move with her. However, he can't tell her "Stay! Don't leave me!" so he acts like the supportive boyfriend and encourages her to go, even though it's killing him inside.

I've been in both sides of this scenario, and it's a tough call. You don't want to be the whiney and clingy partner, but you shouldn't be dishonest about your real feelings. Are we still in a day and age where a person needs to play "hard to get" in order to be desireable? Are humans still seeking after the thrill of the hunt? I don't know. I hated these theories when I was on the dating scene. If you can't be genuine with your potential mate, then what's the point? I don't have the answer to these questions. I would like to think I'm 100% genuine with everyone all the time, but I know that's not true. At least it's something that I'm conscientious about and work towards... that's saying something, right?

Ultimately, Kim takes the job, and JD confesses how he really feels about it, but is still supportive. I think this speaks volumes. Neither is sacrificing who they are or how they're feeling, but there is a mutual satisfaction there.

Which leads me to another point, staying true to yourself and maintaining your identity. Now that I think about it, this subject alone could be it's own blog entry, so I'll save that can of worms for another day.

Almost switching gears entirely but still talking about tonights episode of Scrubs, at the very end, we see Carla lying in bed in the maternity ward holding her baby (who was NOT a newborn but closer to 6 months--- whatEVER!) and crying. This is where I felt the tears. I have already written in length about the shock I felt after having newborn twins. I cried for 36 hours straight. I had 3 months of pure hell before I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. 5 years later, life is normal again, but damn... at the time, I thought that was the end of my world, even though I had been given the greatest of "blessings". I love that they're introducing Carla into the world of post-partum depression. I know that they'll do it in true Scrubs style... it will have an amazing sense of honesty without being too much of a downer. In my opinion, life is too short to be serious all the time.

How did this post get so long? Sorry about that. I *heart* Scrubs, if you didn't already know.

Yup, it rules to be me.

A lot of people think I'm silly for living in Utah, especially considering that I'm ex-mormon. I think living in Utah had huge benefits when we left the church. Where there is a higher concentration of mormons, there will be a higher concentration of ex-mormons. Never in my life have I known more genuine, intelligent, not to mention good-looking people. Oh yeah, that's something else I've thought about- I think that only the really good looking and smart people leave the church. At least, it seems like all of the ex-mo's that I know are such.

Wait, what is it about being me that rules? Oh, that's right! So not only do I know all of the really cool local ex-mo's, but I've had the great privilege of meeting several from out of state. Coincidentally, many of them have family here that they visit during the holidays and they need some sanity or reality breaks, a service that I am happy to provide!

Last friday I got to go to dinner with the very lovely Meg Slate (from the DAMU) and her husband Jack. You may remember my gushing over Meg Slate from my recent business trip to New York. We ate fabulous indian food and drank lots of wine, and had incredible conversation. Meg and Jack, thanks for making the time for us! And thanks for the Max Brenner chocolates! I'm doing my best to eat them slowly and savor each bite.

Tonight it was my honor to dine with From The Ashes. This was my second time meeting her, I met her and her husband and son when they visited family in Utah a year ago. I've always felt a special kinship with her because she left the church at the same time I did, and she's been able to express some of my innermost thoughts as they are so inline with hers. Thanks for the dinner invite FTA! We also met with Abner and Mrs. Doon (from the DAMU), they are adorable and fascinating to talk to.

I think it's safe to say that I get to meet the coolest people. They all just come to me. Who's next??

"Do you expect me to get that with my vagina?

Because I'm not that coordinated!"

Said by my friend Shiree, to our friend Chuck.

That's all I'm sayin'....

Happy New Year, everyone!