How to win my heart... or not. Whatever. And other things.

I was on a blogging streak for awhile there, but my life took some unexpected turns this week, which threw blogging and exercising for a loop. Now you know my health update.

I rarely discuss my current dating life, but here goes.

A few weeks ago I posted a blurry pic of me with some guy. He's still around, but I rarely get to see him. He travels extensively for work, plus he's got a busy life of his own. I really like this guy... he's respectful, kind, motivated, into me, intelligent, good looking, we have excellent chemistry... the whole package. If given the chance, I could totally fall for this guy. But I have a hard time reading him. Considering I rarely get to see him, I don't want to make things intense and dramatic when I do. I'm an excellent judge of character-- I feel like he likes to be with me when he can, but he's got a lot of other stuff going on. To keep myself sane, I remain casual, appreciating what I can, when I can. We have never discussed being exclusive, although I don't believe he is seeing anyone else (with what free time?), we're not at that next level.

This is difficult for me because I want to be at that level. I really want a boyfriend. I want someone that I can experience lifes ups and downs with. I want someone who will send me a random text from time to time saying something like "Hey, I'm thinking about your great smile, have a wonderful day!". Someone to bring to family dinners, and have him be proud to introduce me to his family. I want someone who can't get enough of me, but is okay spending some time apart.

Am I asking for too much? I don't think so.

So, I agreed to go out with a new guy last Friday. This guy has been persistant with me, which I dig. He pulled out the big guns and asked me out to the Melting Pot, which I love. We have a lot in common. Plus, he has a good job, lives in a nice house, and drives a nice car. All plusses, right? On our way to the restaurant, he's driving relatively crazy. He's in and out of the carpool lane (apparently the rules don't apply to him), flighty in conversation, always always wears a baseball cap. These things are not so cool to me.

We get to the restaurant, which has a full bar, and he orders Bud Light. Come on. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but I know good beer. Bud Light? Then, he starts off the conversation telling me that he's prejudiced against the asian race. Um, hello?!?!? For real? The fact that you freely talk about it, is #1, and I think the asian culture is awesome, #2. I wasn't sure what to say. He made a few derrogatory comments which I brushed off, changed the conversation, okay. Dinner is over, and we discuss options for after. It was only 8:30, I didn't want to go home. He tells me "I know of this bar that is totally white trash. The clientelle, the band, everything. I don't go there often, but it's close to my house." I agree, and off we go.

At this point, I can tell that he's really into me. Honestly, I get the feeling based on comments and gestures, that he wants to take me home. I'm not so interested. We go to the bar, the bouncer recognizes him, and he's hugging people as we pass. I thought he said he doesn't go there often? Okay... THEN, we get to the bar to order drinks, and he starts talking to these frat guys who are there. What about? I couldn't say. His back was to me and he never bothered to include or introduce me. Luckily I have my iPhone to keep me entertained, so I find a chair and sit. He turns to me, shakes my knee, and says "Sorry!" and orders our drinks. Not so long after, a waitress notices his ball cap, and starts talking to him about it. He doesn't just politely answer, but then continues to engage her in conversation. After she leaves, I say "I was about to write your number down on the napkin and hand it to her."

I know I'm not into this guy at this point, but I still feel like I should be respected. Then he gets up to order more drinks for us, and I see him flirting with some chick at the bar. Okay, no, I'm not into him. But come on, he's on a date. With ME. I'm worth more than that. He comes back to the table, and I say "Did you get her number??" And he says "No, I go up there to order our drinks, and she asks me what I'm having!" So I said "That's when you should say 'I'm having THIS, my date is having THAT." Seriously, he was flirting, not just answering her question. So we sit there in silence, drinking our drinks. Then he says "Do you want to get out of here?" I said yes. He goes to close out his tab, and he's flirting with the same girl. So I walk up to her, with my iPhone in my hand, with his information (home and cell number) on my screen. I say to her "Would you like his number? Here, you have your choice." She was shocked and bewildered and said no, I don't. I tried to get her to take it down, but she wouldn't. I see he's done, so I storm out ahead of him.

No, I'm not into him. But he was downright disrespectful. I've never been treated like this, not ever. Even my worst date ever (when I was 19), was better than this. This is my new worst date ever. On the way back to his place, where my car was parked, he says "If someone talks to me, I'm not going to be rude and ignore them." and I say "There's a difference between politely answering their questions, and engaging them in conversation." I also made it clear that he crossed the line, and I'm a great catch, who is worth more than the treatment he gave me. He said nothing. After several more minutes of silence, I say "You know, I have never been treated like shit, the way you treated me. Thanks for giving me the worst treatment I've EVER received." In which he says "No problem." We pull up to his house, I jump out of his car and into my own, and all this takes place before 10PM.

Had he apologized the next day, I would have given him an ounce of respect. But now, no. Nope. Not ever. I've been spoiled by some really great guys.

Health and blah blah blah

Here it is, my third update, and an entire month into this new "lifestyle" of mine. My goals:

• Park in the farthest parking spot away: Check
• Go on an elevator strike: uh-huh. Well, in the past month, I've taken the elevator 3 times up, one time down. The three times going up were because I was carrying some things that were difficult to balance, and the one time going down, I wanted to gossip with a co-worker who has a roller bag for their laptop.
• Drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day: Most of the time. Not so good on the weekends.
• Take a daily multi-vitamin: Yep!
• Walk or jog on the weekends: Sometimes.
• Go to the gym 5 days a week: Fo' Sho!
• Take up tennis: Not yet. Damn weather and deadlines.

This post isn't going to be my typical, rosey, YAY ME! post. I'm actually feeling quite discouraged today. Here it is, a month into this, and I can't tell any difference in my body. I know, it's only a month. But I was hoping to see *some* results by now. I wasn't expecting a miracle, but I was hoping that my clothes would at least feel a little bit more loose. Not so. I no longer have any pain in my arms and legs when I work out, which makes me think that I need to do something else to shock my system, or kick it up a notch with the weights or reps. I think this is the point where people start to give up on their plans, and I can see why it's a temptation. But I'm not going to, at the very least, my mood and energy levels are up. And I'm certainly not hurting anything by trying.

I'll end this post on an embarrassing note, feel free to laugh. Earlier this week, I managed to get a girl that I work with, to go work out with me. When we were done with the normal routine, we asked the on-site personal trainer for some suggestions on what to do for the back of our thigh's and our butts, without machines. Stuff we can do at home. She showed us how to hold either free-weightsr or a weight bar close to our bodies, slowly bend all the way down and touch our toes, then slowly stand up again. This is supposed to be awesome for that area, and you don't feel like you're really working it, until the next morning.

So we go out in the hall right outside the fitness center (Remember, this is inside the building that I work in, although away from the busy work areas) and the girl I work with asks me "Now what exactly did she tell us to dot?" So I demonstrate, pretending to hold weights in my hands, and bend over to touch my toes. When I was fully bent over, I hear a "Hmmmm" behind me, and I stand up to see a former co-worker of mine, a man. A single man. A single, very attractive (but too young for me) man. With a bright red face I explained to him what I was doing. He laughs and says "Thank you for the demonstration".

It couldn't have been someone that I didn't know and wouldn't recognize if I saw him again, it had to be someone who knows me quite well.

In addition to my weekly healthy check-ins, perhaps I should add weekly embarrassing stories?

Is it so wrong to fall so in love....

with a pair of earrings?

A co-worker of mine went to Las Vegas last weekend, and visited the Criss Angel shop at The Luxor. She saw these earrings and knew that I had to have them. Here is a picture of me wearing them, with the super cool mormon guy who sits across from me pointing at what you should look at:

A bit of a closer up pick of those adorable handcuffs:



*sigh* Thanks Julie!

PS - I'm still accepting Boyfriend Applications!

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

Why not? I've got the forum, I have some readers, perhaps this will bring others out of the woodwork.

"Why not" what?

Oh, that. Yeah. I need a boyfriend. I've got everything else going for me, and I'm a pretty great catch. Let's face it, I make a kick ass girlfriend. I stole the below "Boyfriend Application" from someone else's blog, but she posted hers nearly three years ago, so I'm assuming she already got her boyfriend. If Tish runs across this, I hope she is satisified with helping me, and realizes that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. (Thanks Tish!)

In addition, if you'll look to the upper left hand corner of my blog, click on my profile, you'll see that you can now Email me. I haven't had that before, because my email address contained my first AND last name. However, I got me some smarts, and created a new email address Just For This Blog!! It's true! I know (because I can track it) that there are a lot of people who lurk on my blog but never comment. If you'd like to talk to me about stuff that I post but aren't comfortable doing it in public, and you don't know me so you don't know my email addy, now you can!

I present to you, my boyfriend application.

BOYFRIEND APPLICATION

Name (First, Middle, and Last please!) ______________________________________________

Birthdate __________________ Zodiac Sign __________________________

Occupation ____________________________________________________________________

Long Term Goals: ______________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever been married? Yes No
If yes, why did you divorce? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(If you are still married, please discard this application immediately.)

Name and phone number of your ex-wife ____________________________________________

How often do you see and/or speak to your ex?

• Never. She mysteriously disappeared after our divorce.
• Never. She mysteriously disappeared before our divorce.
• Never. The restraining order prevents it.
• I peer through the windows when she’s not looking.
• All the time.
• We still live together.
• Other ___________________________________________________________________
  
  Do you have children? Yes No
  If no, would you like to have them one day? Yes No
  Have you ever received an intentional knee to the groin? Yes No
  If yes, would you be willing to undergo a medical examination to rule out the possibility of sterility? Yes No
  Names, ages, and genders of your children: __________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
  (If above lines offer insufficient space, you are not eligible for this position.)

Do you have a penis? Yes No (Answering no will not necessarily disqualify you, provided that you can compensate for your inadequacy.)
How do you plan to compensate?___________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
(Feel free to attach photographs and/or diagrams.)

Can your body withstand long nights of sex with little or no sleep? Yes No

Hobbies and Interests: ___________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
Last movie you watched: _________________________________________________________
(If it starred Jackie Chan or Vin Diesel, you are disqualified from this position.)

Favorite TV shows: _____________________________________________________________

Favorite musicians:______________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(If any of their names begin with Ice or Snoop, please dispose of this application immediately.)

Last church visit ____________________ Name of church _____________________________

Do you regularly donate time and/or money to charity? Yes No
If yes, which charitable organizations? ______________________________________________
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________
Last random act of kindness: ______________________________________________________

How large is your porn collection?
Smaller than a breadbox Has its own room in your house
Fits neatly under your bed You rent a storage unit

Do you wear socks during sex? Yes No
If so, do I have permission to choke you with them? Yes No

Do you maintain a blog? Yes No
If yes, URL please! _____________________________________________________________
Do you blog the details of your sexual exploits? Yes No
If no, why not? _________________________________________________________________

Why are you applying for this position? _______________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you are chosen for the position, what will your first order of business be? _______________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I hereby solemnly swear that I have been completely honest and forthright in my answers above. I agree to submit to any and all of the following if deemed appropriate: polygraph tests, blood tests, credit checks, criminal background checks, endurance tests, skills assessments, and reference checks.

Signature ________________________________ Date_________________

PS: I'm totally serious here! Apply within!

Healthy Lifestyle Check-in

My second weekly update.

Still going strong. I didn't get to play tennis last week, either the weather was crappy or we had deadlines to meet. We're going to shoot for this week, I'm totally excited about it.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to compete in either a Boston Marathon or Half Marathon. No, not the real thing. I have 30 days to accomplish the equivelant. It's a competition through my work, and the prizes really are fabulous (two first place prizes will be given, and they are $450 travel vouchers).

When I look at myself in the mirror I can't see any changes, but when I feel my arms, I can feel hardness where there was once flab.

Oh, and the other day, I was examining my under-arm flab (or loose skin, or whatevah), and Alexa says to me "Mommy, you are NOT very skinny" Thank you, sweetheart.

Who rocks my world?

My girls do!









One more with the ghetto horse down the road (whom they adore)!!



Today we had their year-end parent teacher conference. I can't BELIEVE that kindergarten is almost over. Didn't they just start?

I was excited for them to start. However I was not prepared for the emotions I felt as they walked into the door of the school, and away for me. Luckily for them, they had each others hand to hold. Still, they walked away from me, and into the school. They left my influence, for that of another, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Those sleepless nights, countless days watching Elmo, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and Mr. Rogers, were over. They were grown girls, ready to read, write, and learn. Not my babies anymore.

They're doing great. Their teacher said that she never needs to motivate them, they're just always happy to be there and excited to learn. May that always continue!They know all their letters, can count to 100, make friends easily, can skip, but can't dribble a ball or tie a bow. I suppose I should work on those things.

They make it easy and delightful to be their mommy!

I'm Clueless and Lame

Proof that I'm clueless:

Last week I was on a bi-monthly conference call. These conference calls are a major deal-- they last two hours, and involve the most of the bigwigs of my company, regarding supply and demand of our products. I never speak on these calls, but prepare some of the data for them, so am required to stand by incase any questions are asked. My colleague Mike does the speaking, I do the preparations. Generally, I sit at my desk with my headset on, and multi-task.

So, during the call last week, Mike's boss asks to speak to him about 10 minutes before his slides are up. He says to me "I'm sure I'll be back, but can you cover for me if I'm not?" "Sure!" I say. Public speaking is a strength of mine (I have mormonism to thank for that!) and I have no problem getting my name out there for the important people to take note of. However, I've done no preperations other than supplying the data, so I take those next few minutes to glance over the slides and figure out what I'll say.

"Mike, are you ready to present your slides?" I hear the director of the call say.

"Hi, this is Christy. Mike got called away to a last minute meeting, so I'm here to cover his presentation."

Then I hear:
"Oh, you're in shitting for Mike?" from the Director.

"Pardon me?" I'm very bewildered.

"In shitting. You're in shitting for Mike?"

I say "Okay" In a very Phoebe like tone. "If you'll notice in the upper left hand quadrant of slide 23, blah blah blah blah"

I stumble my way through the presentation, and thank GOD, there were no questions at the end. Good thing as I was feeling flustered and blushing. I couldn't believe the director would use vulgar language to me before I speak. Anyone who reads my blog knows I do not fear swear words, but when the powers that be are on the phone??

I take my headset off and go find Mike, and say "Why would D. ask if I was 'in shitting' for you? Is this some kind of inside joke?!?!" Mike grabs his stomach, laughs deeply from within, and says "'In Shitting'?? He must have said 'Pinch Hitting'!"

"What the hell does 'Pinch Hitting' mean?" He explained the baseball terminology to me. I know NOTHING about baseball, I'm absolutely clueless. I went to a game once last year, and it was the longest four hours of my life.

After this happened, I went into the conference room where the director was, and exclaimed "I know NOTHING about baseball!!" and told him what I thought he said, trying to explain my flustered tone.

It's been a joke around the office ever since. Duh me!

Proof that I'm lame:




I confess to my latest guilty pleasure. I watch VH1's Rock of Love on a weekly basis. No, it's not my thing. No, I was never into Poison, never thought that Brett Michaels is hot. But the girl I sit next to at work talked about it all the time, and one day I found myself watching a marathon and finally understanding what she was talking about. Now, I absolutely have to find out what tramp he's going to pick, the one who will continue to rock his world. It's between my favorite, Ambre:



(not such a tramp)

Or Daisy:



Daisy reminds me of Janice, from the Muppets:



So what part of this, and the first picture in this section, makes me lame? Oh yeah, my white-board with words and letters. You see, some radio station has been having a contest where they give 8 letters, you have to unscramble the word, then be the right caller and win free tickets to the Rock of Love tour that is coming RIGHT HERE to SALT LAKE CITY on the day of the final episode, where you get to actually watch the finale with Brett Michaels himself! We're doing all we can to win those tickets. In that picture, you can see my handiwork. I started to the right, ended on the left.

Aren't you embarrassed to even read this blog?

Healthy Lifestyle Check-In

My first weekly update!

So far, everything is going great. I am still highly motivated to continue on. I haven't necessarily seen changes to my body, but definitely my over-all mood and energy have increased. I used to have at least 3 cups of coffee every morning (black, no cream or sugar), and now I only need one, if that. The greatest joy, however, is when people tell me that I've motivated and encouraged them. I'm quite vocal about my changes to those who surround me. It keeps me honest... it's easier to avoid the afternoon diet coke addiction I used to have, when those around me know I've decided to do without.

The changes I made have been very easy to adapt to, as I've introduced them gradually, and with babysteps. I started by taking the stairs, going on an elevator strike. I'm happy to report that I've not stepped foot in the elevator in a month. Even when I walk with people who prefer the elevator, I say "See you up there!" and head off. Then I started drinking a minimum 64 ounces of water a day. This is not hard for me, I actually like the taste of water-- I know some people really struggle with it. Then I began to park as far away from the front door to my building. I work in a huge building with a large parking lot, so this is definitely beneficial. I kind of watch what I eat, I figure a more strict diet will come later. For now, if I want some pizza or chips, I have them. But I think about it before I eat it, and decide if I really want it. But check me out -!- I actually turned down free girlscout cookes! (A feat never before accomplished!) I wasn't in the mood.

I've successfully worked out at the gym 5 days a week, and doing some walking or jogging on the weekends (nothing too strenuous, but it's something). Next week, I'm going to start playing Tennis once a week with a co-worker. I hope to make that part of my regular schedule in my new lifestyle.

These are my baby steps. They've been small, but I'm a heckuva lot higher on the staircase to health than I was a month ago.

Oh- one more thing... the day I declared my elevator strike, my plan was just to do it just for a day. I haven't looked back. I encourage everyone to do just one thing, start small. And report on my blog, if you'd like! :)

You mean to say it's April Fools Day?

Amongst my colleagues, I am notoriously outspoken regarding my utter disdain for a particular big-boxed company who shall remain un-named. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

This morning as I approached my desk, I saw this:



and this:



and this:



I was a good sport about it. I left the decorations up, endured comments such as "hey bag lady!" or "What isle will I find the kleenex?" and even donned the smock for a photo op:



That's right beeyotches, that smock has a name tag with MY NAME on it. It's okay to admit that you're jealous.

I had people from all over the building visit my desk today. Everyone heard of "that desk", and had to see it for themselves. I heard very passionate statements that were both proponent's and opponent's for the corporation.

At the end of the day, as I take the decorations down, I pondered what to do with these plastic bags. I know I'll never use them, and I'm way too eco-conscious to simply throw them away... do I take them back to the nearest establishment to recycle? Nah... too much effort for me. Do I stack them on the culprits desk and let her dispose of them? THE CULPRIT!!!!

Payback is a bitch, baybeee! Her desk, as I left work:





Who's the Boss???



But I'm keeping the smock!!! You can't have it back!