A friend of mine who reads my blog but NEVER BOTHERS TO POST asked me how I chose the topics that I blog about. Truth be told, I blog when inspiration hits. Blogging can't be forced. If it is, then I think it will suck. Anyway, I'm not one to to name names, but my friend can be seen in This picture and This one.
I've been off of work since the Friday before Christmas. Friday wasn't so bad, my girls went to their babysitter and I was able to have some completely selfish fun. By saturday I had FINALLY finished Christmas shopping for them, and by Sunday, I was relaxed, despite the fact that my husband had to work and it was just me and the girls at home. On Monday, we had a good Christmas. We visited my in-laws and my parents, the girls were spoiled beyond belief, and we got their new beds with new bedding that Santa brought them all set up.
The truth of the matter is, I don't think I could cut it as a stay at home mom. Selfishly, I love the time I spend at work. I love being "Christy" and not mother and wife. I love making decisions and knowing that what I do and say makes a difference in how things are done. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. It's an overwhelming, daunting task to know that what I do and say will probably end up being talked about on a therapists couch, one day. I try my hardest, but I know that eventually, they'll regret everything that I've done for them. I'll just do my best to get them the help that they need and not take it personally. No parent is perfect.
At that note, I'm dreading going back to work. Until a couple of months ago, I was the only person who did my job. With this knowledge, I had a hard time taking time off knowing I was going to have to go back and it would all still be there for me to do. Last fall, my boss allowed me to hire someone to do the busy work so that I could focus on other things. She's been amazing and has caught on extremely well. But I'm still afraid to go back. It's only wednesday and I already have butterflies over what is waiting for me at my desk.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I don't think you are selfish for liking to spend time at work. A happy, fulfilled mom is ALWAYS a better mom. Your girls will be fine. I think we are all scared that the choices we make will screw up our kids.
I worry about that all the time too. I think no matter what you do, there are still going to be bad decisions made. I think every parent makes the wrong decisions sometimes. It comes with the territory. But your girls will turn out just fine, I'm sure.
As far as the work thing goes...I secretly miss it sometimes. Getting things done on a daily basis...totally get that. Plus the "you" time is awesome.
Yeah, I can relate. The hard part of working and taking time off is the hell week right before vacation, and the hell week right after. It almost, almost makes vacation not worth it.
:)
Hey, I know what friend you're talking about!!! I don't think she should worry though...I don't think anyone else will figure it out....(because you can see me in both those pictures....even if the second one just shows my shirt)
So anyway, yes, I agree....you're a very great mom...I have seen it with my own eyes. But I do know how it is to worry about what they'll turn out like. Who was it that said they have a therapist fund going for their kids? I think that's a great idea! Like what kid isn't going to come up with something wrong with their childhood?
Only once, I've heard someone say that they had a great childhood..and I wanted to kick their ass. So kids will either make up some bull crap about how growing up sucked...or they'll get their asses kicked! That's what I think.
OK, OK, you got me to post. So, you don't name names you only post pictures?
Just so everybody knows, the reason I don't post is because I've got five kids and I've gone back to school full-time. I'm already addicted to reading Christy's blog because I LOVE her so much. But I've been afraid if I post then I'll be even more addicted and spend way too much time here.
But I'm here now Christy. I hope you don't live to regret this.
Oh... you can force blogging. I mean, have you read the drivel I've been forcing lately?
Hey Christy, great pics, you are all nice looking people. I tend to put work out of my mind on holidays. I am surprised I know where to drive my car when I get back.
I always worry that they'll decide they don't need me, or that they'll replace me while I'm away. Hey, that chick is more trouble than she's worth, let's do without her. Sigh.
Happy New Year!!
You know, women who do the self-denial thing all their lives always end up intensely unhappy about it at some stage. I've seen those forty-five-year-old women in the night college classes, looking like they are finally getting some mental stimulation and joy for the first time since they failed (passed?) the pregnancy test.
No, in my opinion, women should never be cooped up like chickens. Hell, it's sad someone has to say that -- NO one should be -- but too many people worship at the altar of the self-denying, workhorse domestic servant. That whole thing about finding fulfillment in domesticity. Cocksuckers. (Ahem.)
I had to almost force LB to get out of the house and take classes and not just be the Mormie good girl. She really wanted to be a Molly. But she's been really happy about it and shudders about imagining what it would be like if she had just done childraising and church. Plus, we're going through some awesome new developments (no hint or anything, but be sure and read our blogs and drop a comment or three).
Anyway, I know exactly what you mean about knowing your children will resent you. I am of the firm conviction that I will NEVER make the same horrible mistakes my parents made with me. I will make completely DIFFERENT horrible mistakes, and I am sure my children will resent me deeply for them.
You can't be more or less than human (okay, well, knowing church history is enough to conclude that people can be less than human), and you can never hit every target you shoot at. You have to live both yourself and for others. And I think that's an important lesson for children -- to learn to respect that their parents are more than just parents. But I think finding their parents' sex toys is too much.
Hey Christy, long time! Nice blog. My sister has a link to it on her page. Who knew? We're in Seattle now. Hope you guys and your cute little girls are staying out of boring trouble and are in the thick of exciting trouble. You know?
Spencer
Hey everyone, thanks for your comments! I made it back to work but have been extremely busy! Hence my lack of personal responses here.
Spencer!! It's great to see you and CONGRATS to the father to be! I hope you and your darling wife and doing well-- you two are going to be the BEST parents ever, I just know it!
Oh, and Erica, I would never regret having you visit my blog! :)
Post a Comment