Last summer, my mom had what we think is a nervous breakdown. My dad announced to her about 3 years ago, that after 40 years of marriage, he has never believed in the church. My mom is what some might call a church addict. She's struggled with serious depression ever since, although she never let on to what she was going through. She always put on a happy face and tried to ignore the feelings. Last spring, I told her that I didn't believe in mormonism anymore, and would no longer be practicing, nor would I raise my children that way. Again, she put on a happy face and said "Only you know what the best path in life is!" and the discussion was over.
Back to the nervous breakdown. It's a really long story and I won't get into the details, but the nuts and bolts of it is that one day she started speaking really strangely, saying very odd things, and she actually sounded drunk. Her speech was slurred, she wasn't making any sense. Her body was uncontrollabley shaking, and she was hearing voices and seeing spots. After a few calls to her doctor, my dad was advised to take her to the emergency room.
To wind this up, she was put through several tests, given all sorts of medications, and her doctors were baffled. I witnessed everything first hand, and I know she wasn't faking any of it. Ever since then, I've been unconsciously detaching myself from the situation. I want to be there for her, but I don't know how to act or what to say in her presence. She's still not herself, and I'm doubtful that she ever will be herself again. She still says really odd things... for instance, after recently returning from my business trip to NYC, she said "So did you go to Florida, too?" Yeah, because it's a hop, skip, and a jump, right? This is not my mom. My mom is bright and intelligent and independant. She only has little moments that make me remember who she used to be.
Today my mom calls me and says "I found the most adorable Christmas book for the girls! It has two stories, one about how Santa knows what they're doing and loves them and gives them presents, then the other is the same story, but only it's about Jesus! Isn't that great? You still teach them about Jesus, don't you?" I hope you'll understand why I didn't have the heart to tell her no. I guess I'll let her read the girls the book when she gives it to them, then I'll put it on a shelf until it's eventually sent to the DI. (Deseret Industries... local thrift shop for you non Utahn or LDS folk)
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12 comments:
God, that's tough. It sounds like the symptoms of stroke...
That sucks. I'd have told my mom the same thing.
SML
Wow. Your poor mother. I always wonder at the people who know "el secreto" -- that the church is a big game of let's pretend -- but decide (or let themselves be persuaded) that "it does good things" and is a "good family environment" and so go on living it and playing along.
What a load of shit. When 20% (or more) of the Mormon population's mental health depends upon the maintenance of an enormous, painful lie, that in itself ain't benign, let alone its thousands of other harms.
That's got to be tough for you and your father. But I agree with SML. No one can ask much more from you than to be true to them and to yourself as well.
Hope she gets better.
I think you did the right thing. I didn't have the heart to tell my mom not to sign us up for the Ensign or the Friend, not that she would even expect that. Even when I was a semi-TBM I didn't like those magazines.
I guess my girls can rip those up instead of my Cosmos!
SML may be onto something, it sounds like there is something else going on. Hang in there.
Urgh. I'm really sorry, Christy. How's your dad holding up with all of this?
Seems like they should run some more tests - I've never seen a 'nervous breakdown' that had this kind of lasting effects...?
I like the book cuz santa and jesus can both be positioned as fictional characters who teach little kids the difference between naughty 'n nice, but how when you're all grown up, you don't need those fictional characters anymore. ;-)
I'm going to email my dad a link to this post and see what he thinks about it. Because he's a clinical psychologist, so he knows EVERYTHING.
Sorry to hear your mom is still having difficulties. HOpe you're doing OK...
Be well, Christy.
**sending thoughts of white light and peace your way**
I've read your story about your mom elsewhere, but this time I had the same impression as SML . . . it sounds remarkably like a stroke. Whatever it is, I'm sending lots of love your way.
DE,
Don't take the book to DI. You should hold on to it.
Okay, this is what my dad had to say (in case you even want to know, which you probably don't. But whatever) He has two PhDs in psychology, is a clinical psychologist, and has worked in hospitals and in conjunction with MDs for - I don't know, maybe 20, 22 years:
I appreciate your confidence in me but regretfully cannot actually live up to the "EVERYTHING" claim. Sounds like this poor lady had the rug pulled out from under her, so to speak. But I agree with Anonymous that it sounds like a stroke - indeed, sounds much more like a stroke than a purely mental health disorder (but if there is brain damage of course some kind of depression or psychosis could readily co-occur). But sometimes people who feel superduper stressed can get really crazy, due entirely just to the stress, but not slurred speech and shaking (sounds like seizures?) -- these are symptoms of brain damage, not anxiety. Even the hallucinations could have been caused by a stroke. And sometimes extreme anxiety or depression can lead to hallucinations. And sometimes big-shock or big-disappointment can lead to triggering a psychosis that has been long lurking just under the surface. Regardless, she needs to consult a good neurologist (a complete neurological work-up). But no matter what the physical diagnosis turns out to be, she could benefit from some calming medications such as xanax or valium. She should stay away from caffeine
Everyone, thank you for your comments to this post. I'm sorry I haven't responded before now. As you can imagine this entire fiasco has created considerable heartache and emotional drain ever since it happened.
Rebecca, please give your dad my sincere thanks. I really really appreciate that he was willing to take the time to read my post and give his advice, that is invaluable to me.
When my mom first started acting up, we did suspect a stroke, and she did undergo tests to see if that's what happened. From the advice of more than one doctor, there was nothing to indicate that that could be the case.
We're still mostly clueless. She's been on lots of meds inclucing xanax.
*shrugs*
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