"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Listen to the song HERE
Transcribed by Paul Ashley and Lisa Jenkins
[On the satellite:]
JOEL: I think it's kind of, uh, hot to be wearing these scarves in here.
TOM: Oh, yeah.
CROW: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf. Catch your death!
JOEL: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in, uh, high school that used to sell the most candy bars for the marching band.
TOM: Yeah, and you'd be president of the swing choir, too.
CROW: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.
TOM: What a kiss-up, this guy.
CROW: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.
JOEL: You wrote a Christmas song?
CROW: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!
TOM: Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"
CROW: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Roadhouse.
TOM: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have to do with CHRISTMAS?!
CROW: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, okay?
TOM: Oh, geeez.
JOEL: Hey, c'mon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment and we can give it a shot. C'mon.
CROW: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat major--
TOM: Good.
CROW: Uh, Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? Uh, your part's written out. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas", by Crow T. Robot.
JOEL: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
CROW: Right. Hit it, Cambot!
TOM: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.
CROW: I'm sorry.
TOM: Pick it up.
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
CROW: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.
TOM: Not bad!
JOEL: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
'BOTS: We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing.
TOM: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
CROW: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!
JOEL: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it. Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.
CROW: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in Christmas?
JOEL: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.
TOM: Well, yeah!
CROW: Well, then grab hold o' your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!
TOM: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.
CROW: Thank you.
TOM: I like that.
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.
CROW: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
JOEL: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
'BOTS: I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,
ALL: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them aaallllllllll!"
TOM: La la la laa ha HAAA!
CROW: How long before it becomes a standard?
JOEL: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon.
CROW: Waaaaah!
TOM: We'll be right back. Oooh. Save a leg for me! Heh heh heh.
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6 comments:
I had a hilarious interaction with a Russian guy in Moscow who was quite the Patrick Swayze fan. SO cracked me up.
Loved your getting older post too. I hear you. On all of it.
Who doesn't love Swayze, really?
I know my holiday season hasn't truly started until I've heard this song, it's a Christmas tradition now!
Ha ha ha...very very funny! My favorite party was:
"Now, how long until it becomes a standard?"
....Oh! ...and also....
This can be the Haziest, Laziest, Swaziest of them aaaaallllll!!!!
That was my other favorite part!
I have permanent hearing loss from this song.
First, my ears burst into flames, and then second, when I put my head under the mattress to put the fire out and practically squished my brain through my eardrums.
Better than have Swayze seared into my retinas, I guess. Granted, he was attractive once upon a time in a "be naked and sexy but don't say anything" kind of way.
Wry- Too funny about the Russian dude! It's interesting to see what other cultures think of famous (or infamous) Americans.
Jer- I'm so glad I'm with someone who can appreciate the wonders of a Patrick Swayze Christmas!
Shiree! My only BFF who posts on my blog! :) (especially since Laura is NEVER online anymore!) Thanks for listening to this and humoring me. I know you love now, and thanks! :)
Sideon- I'm so sorry that your ears hurt! But really, can't you admit that it was a *little* funny? The radio station that I listen to (X-96) has been playing this for years. I'm just thrilled to find an MP3 so that I can listen anytime I want!
Cheers to all!
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