Happy 2008!

Happy New Year!

I feel like what Ihave to say is so un-importantat and cliche, why bother? Then again, most of my stuff is.

My oldest sisters family has been in town this weekend, which I love. She and I have 13 years between us, but have always been very close. Her kids were my "babies" until I had my own. Her daughter, who is 14, is a soulmate of mine. Sounds weird, I know, but we've had an intense connection ever since the day I met her, when she was 6 months old. We have eerie similiarities. She is growing up to be a beautiful girl on the inside and out, I'm so proud to call her my niece! I see them once a year if I'm lucky, twice a year if I'm blessed, but sometimes only every couple of years. Their visit has been the bright spot of my holiday season!

With the new year in front of me, I hear and read the resolutions of others. I don't make my own resolutions... why bother? If something is good for me on January 1st, then it's equally as good for me on December 29th, knowwhatImean? On this day I reflect on the year that's behind me, and wow, what a roller coaster I've been on. I hope that 2008 will bring me more stability. For a long time I've been working on the efforts to forgive myself and others. The objective is to let go of grudges and not take the actions of others personally.

My friend "Patsy" sent me a text message a couple of days ago, letting me know that one of our college roommates just died from oral cancer. I wasn't close to this particular roommate, we never kept in touch after going our separate ways, but I'm still shocked and saddened that a young life, with so much to live for, was taken too soon. Fuck cancer. I'm sure you recall- Patsy is my dear friend who recently lost her most amazing husband to metastatic melanoma.

One last update-- I made the decision to go back on my antidepressants. I thought I was doing fine. I completed a long and slow weaning process, and found out that I'm truly not fine. I was not satisfied with my reactions to many, many things, not one thing in particular. I'm not ashamed that I need the medication; rather, I'm thrilled that they're there for me. I'm also very proud of myself for knowing myself well enough to know when I'm irrational for a long period of time, and taking the steps to remedy that. Tooting my own horn here, I know: I think it's quite brave of me to acknowledge this and do something about it. I contribute that to years and years of conditioning.

I raise a glass to 2008! May it bring happiness, hope and health, to you and those you love dearly.

Cheers!

~XY