If I ruled the world

I grew up thinking that I was going to become a goddess of my own world, if I lived worthily enough. Every now and then I would think "When I get my own world, I'm going to do things this______ way".

Here are some things that I would do if I ruled my own world.

• Putting shoes on furniture would be an offense punishable by death. (I take my clean furniture seriously)
• Babies would sleep through the night from the get-go.
• Speaking of babies, you would have to fill out the proper paperwork and take certain classes before you're allowed to get pregnant. And pregnancy could be carried by either the man or the woman, whichever is more convenient.
• Orgasms would last longer.
• When you turn 35, you get the option of picking one year of your life to go back and live over, knowing then what you know now. When the year is over, you get a preview of what your life would be like if you did things differently, and then you can choose which of the years you want to keep in your memory bank.
• It would be possible to travel via apparation, floo powder, or portkey.

I reserve the right to add more to this list at a later time.

My last post about the Halloween Party

I've talked about this party way too much, so I'll just post this picture (I found one that I didn't totally hate) and be done with it. Stay tuned for me to post a picture of a bat that my daughter drew at pre-school. It is hi-LAR-ious.

Here I am in costume:


The guy I'm with is just some dude that I'm married to. Ha, kidding. He was amazing as Brandon Flowers.

Lessons learned from this years Halloween Party

• Apparently wearing a bunny tail pinned on your ass is equivalent to an open invitation for ALL to grab it. (not that I'm complaining. I think I'm going to start wearing a bunny tail every day, from now on)
• No matter how much tequila is brought to a party, it will all be gone by the time the night is over.
• Men will not eat cake that is shaped like a penis, no matter how good it tastes.
• Having a co-worker show up unexpectedly is a major buzz kill. Especially when you work on projects together in the same small department, and you're dressed like a playboy bunny.
• If you ever get a chance to sleep with Eric, I highly recommend it.
• Thunderchops and his wife are both extremely adorable and sweet. I wanted to take them home with me.
• My husband can pull off the Brandon Flowers look very well.
• Some people love their DDR, no matter what else may be going on in the same room.
• Even if you send out the rules beforehand, you still can't get people to play or understand "Murder in the Dark" when they're drunk.

Miraculously, I don't have a hangover today, even after just 2 hours of sleep. Now I need to start thinking about what I'm going to be next year.....

The best weekend ever

I'm kind of stealing this idea from "from the ashes", but I really was thinking about blogging about this before. Even though I already posted today, I figured I better get this down while I'm thinking about it.

Garments. I wore them faithfully for 7 years, with the exception of swimming, bathing, sex, etc. Looking back, I admit to looking down on others when it was obvious they weren't wearing their G's, when I knew they should. Blech, I hate thinking about that.

It was just after my 7th wedding anniversary that I had my epiphany about the church, and my husband soon followed. I live and work among many church goers, so I kept wearing my garments to keep up with appearances for a couple of months. One night I was working late, and found out that there were U2 tickets available for a concert in Anaheim the next week. Very spur of the moment, I called and got the OK from my husband, bought the tickets, booked the flight and hotel, and made babysitting arrangements.

Several things went wrong this weekend. Our bus driver couldn't find out hotel, so he dropped us off at a random location and pointed us in the wrong direction, and we had to walk forever with our bags. We ate at the worst restaurant and ordered our very first alcoholic beverages (even though I was in California, I still looked around to see if anyone noticed). The drinks were terrible. The food was terrible. To give you an idea how bad-- my lunch came with with a basket of rolls, which were nothing more than toasted hamburger buns. We had no transportation (other the the busses to/from the airport) and had to walk everywhere we went.

When we were getting ready to go to the concert, I decided that my shirt would probably look better if I didn't have bulky garments on underneath, so on the floor they went. I felt naughty, but in a very good way. During the performance of "Beautiful Day", there was a moment after Bono sang "After the flood, all the colors came out...." and the entire arena was lit up with different colored lights. I stood there feeling the most euphoric I've ever felt, not being medicated. That moment was more spiritual than any time I had ever been to the temple or sat in sacrament meeting. In that moment, my entire world and outlook shifted. The next day my husband and I talked about it, and he had the same feelings at the same time. It was unreal, and we just knew that from that moment forward, everything was headed up.

We spent the next day at Disney and flew home that night. We were exhausted, but excited about life. To top off our weekend of sin, my hubsand got his first ever Starbucks at the airport.

A year and a half later, the garments have completely disappeared from our household. I considered keeping one pair just to remember, but decided it wasn't worth it. We've had a lot more alcoholic beverages. We've consumed gallons of coffee. We saw U2 two more times in 2005. Things have never been better.

But most importantly, the garments are GONE.

Murder in the Dark

Tomorrow night is the big night! I have been looking forward to tomorrow night for the past year. This is the second annual ex-mo Halloween party, and I hope this tradition continues forever.

Last year, the host of the party tried to explain how to play a simple game of Murder in the Dark. I'm pretty sure this is a game we all played in high school. But, get 30 drunk people in one room, try to give them extremely simple rules... and it just aint happening. This year, the host didn't want to run into the same problem, so he decided to email the rules with some of his own creative additions, before the party. I won't put all the rules here, but here's just a sampling of the brilliance that is Brandon:

METHODS OF MURDER

Kiss of Judas/Black Widow – Instant and silent death from poisonous lip-gloss. Signified by a light kiss upon the victim’s cheek. Tips: Murderer – Ensnare them with your charm. Victim - Is he/she moving in for a kiss or for the kill? Maybe dying is worth it.

The Strangler – Quick and silent death from strangulation. Gently place hands around victim’s throat. Tips: Murderer – If proficient in your craft, a quick and silent weapon. Victim - If those hands reach your throat it’s over, however, do you know Kung Fu?

Moonlight on Regatta/Hairy Crack Monster (MEN ONLY/DOUBLE POINTS) – Mass death from shock and horror. Moon your intended victims with the power of a full moon as a half assed job will only belie your identity while bringing your killing spree to an end. Tips: Murderer – Do you have what it takes to be a mass murderer? Fast and efficient where large groups congregate, but the screams will surely bring the Judge & Jury running with little time to cover your tracks. Fortunately every witness who saw your ass is dead. Victims – You know you saw it so no cheating, take it like a man and die while screaming like the frightened child you are. (NOTE: May substitute bending over and grabbing your ankles with your fully clothed ass high in the air for standard points.)

Bountiful Bosom/Starlight Starbright I’ve Been Translated Tonight (WOMEN ONLY/DOUBLE POINTS) – Delivers the ultimate one-two punch to mass victims, a holy anointing to be sure. Flash your chest to your intended victims and be sure to hold it long enough to take effect, you don’t want to hear anyone complaining they didn’t see and therefore they’re not dead. Tips: Murderer - Do you have what it takes to be a mass murderer? Fast and efficient where large groups congregate, but the screams will surely bring the Judge & Jury running with little time to cover your tracks. Be careful of those that go towards the light. Victims – Shout praises, talk in tongues, etcetera as you give up the ghost. (NOTE: May substitute a fully clothed Motorboat… okay, okay, I’ll think of something.)

Patriarchal Grip/Or Sure Sign You’re in a Cult – Seduce someone into a cult follower. Slip them the hand and they’re yours to unleash on the flock. Each receive ½ points for every victim of their own. Tips: Will they blow your cover? You lose half your points if they’re fingered as the murderer or accomplice.

Yeah. I can't wait.

In a Little While

I was lurking on a message board I used to post on... and to those of you nodding, shut up! Yes, I still lurk sometimes. You know how it goes, you can take the girl out of the Cherry, but you can't take the... oh wait, that's going to sound like something that it's not. (and to my friends from there who lurk here, hi! I miss you too! You really should blog with me!) Anyway, much to my surprise and delight, they resurrected my birthday thread from last March, just because Ros is a spazz. At around that time, my husband was asking for sketch ideas, and I told him I wanted him to draw a picture of me sandwiched between Bono and Brandon Flowers. I wanted to show off his talent, even if it's not quite the sandwich effect that I had in mind.


Please note that 7 months after the fact, it is still unfinished... but I think I want to keep it that way.

Whose Daughter?

I first saw this poem back when I was brand new to The View From The foyer. I believe it was posted by the husband of "From The Ashes". I love this poem!

Whose Daughter?

If I can't have her
Every morning every day
My head aches.

I take her at breakfast
And after breakfast.
I want her at lunch
And after lunch.
I need her at dinner
And after dinner.

She slides through my lips
And licks my tongue.
She comes in my mouth
And I'm a man
Down to my core.

Burning incense,
I take her leisurely
On my sheepskin at home.
If I need her really bad,
Any bar we're in will do,
And I take her standing up.

Whose daughter would do this,
Kiss after kiss after kiss
All day and all night long?
Is such behavior wrong?
Look in your pot on the fire.
I'll tell you her name--coffee.

-Reesom Haile, poet laureate of Eritrea
Translated by Charles Cantalupo

Domestic Goddess, I am not...

This is old news to some of my friends out there, but I'm still looking for ideas so you'll just have to read this again. And respond. (Ros, I'm especially looking at you).

I have been pretty spoiled in my life, up to this point. I've not had to cook much. I was the youngest of 5, so there was always someone older than me to cook. In high school, I opted for speech and debate classes instead of home ec (I never fit the molly mormon mold). My husband's schedule, up to this point, has always allowed for him to do the cooking. He recently took a job offer that he couldn't refuse, which has been great in most aspects, except he's home too late to cook now, and it is all up to me.

The thing is, I find that I actually do enjoy cooking, and I'm pretty good at it. I love trying new recipes, and am always seeking out new ideas. So here's my criteria: I want recipes that are quite healthy, yet full of flavor. I really do make a pretty good effort to eat healthy, so Fizzion, if you're reading this, while I've loved your contributions in the past, no more macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs, okay?? I prefer them to be relatively simple, but I don't mind getting more complex. I eat and will prepare all foods except for pork. Sorry, I just can't bring myself to eat pigs. Oh, and I don't do well with anything cream based (I'm lactose intolerant). But everything else is a go.

Anybody willing to share recipes?? I'll share some too!

My dreams

I have very odd, vivid dreams. It's a known joke around my office that when I approach someone and say "I had this dream last night..." they sit back and wait for the strange trips that are Christy dreams. I don't really believe that all dreams have deeper meaning, but I still think we can learn from them or try to make sense out of them.

Last night I had a dream that I was on my upcoming business trip. It was our last day there, and we were going to an amusement park prior to flying out. We only had time for one ride, so I looked at the map and picked out the biggest, scariest roller coaster that they had. The line wasn't really a line, but it was more like a waiting room with benches to sit on. So I was sitting on a bench waiting for my ride, and suddenly there were other co-workers there (who are not going on this trip). We were talking about how scared we were for this ride, and discussed why we chose it. This roller coaster didn't have your typical train with seats that you're buckled in to, but they were boats lead by pirates and there were no seatbelts. The boats swished sideways while you were going on the track head on.

Every time the boats came in to drop passengers off and pick new passengers up, the pirates looked over at the waiting area with the most daunting looks, and really odd, eerie music played. I was so scared, I couldn't even look at the pirates when they came by.

Finally it was my turn to ride, and I got into the boat with about 4 other people. We were headed up a track, and about to go down the first big hill. I was preparing to close my eyes and scream, but I decided to keep them open and watch what was going on. I ended up having a really fun, exhilarating ride. When it was over I was so glad that I did it, and stared my fear in the face instead of closing my eyes and screaming until it was over.

I'm not sure what this means, but I'm choosing for it to mean that my fear of traveling, or any of my other silly fears, are unfounded. Except now I have a new fear of pirates.

Can't see (Useless)

I loves me some Oingo Boingo

We were both cast forth from the same pale hand
And we both moved freely in the shadowlands
And we both were sculpted by the same cold wind
And we both had armor that was made of tin
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And I tried to speak, but it was useless
And I felt so bad and I didn't know why
And it didn't get better as time went by
I was there for you, but you turned away
And I tried to find you, but you turned away
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And I tried to speak, but was useless
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And you're so close, but I can't see you
And you're right there, but I can't see you
And I feel so dumb and I didn't know what to do
You were right there but I can't see you
And I realize that it's useless
And I want to fight, but it's useless
And I know you're there, but it's useless
And you're everywhere, but it's useless
And I tried to say it, but my tongue got tied
And I tried to say it, but I was numb inside
And I can't see you anymore
And my peace of mind has gone through the door
And I realize that it's useless
And I thought I was right, but it was useless
And I know you're there, but it's useless
And you're everywhere, but it's useless
And I can't see now in front of my nose
And I know you're there, and I know you're close
And you're fading away - now you disappear
And I try to focus, but I can't see clear
And I don't know why I feel this way
And I can't control myself anyway
And I don't know why I feel this way
And I can't control myself anyway
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I can't see... now in front of my face.

Since the cat is out of the bag...

I'm pretty sure that La and Eric are the only ones who are going to be at the Halloween party that I'm going to, who read my blog. All of my other friends fear blogs, I don't get it. Anyway, here is a hint as to what my costume will be.


I made this cake for a talent party I went to last year. *sigh* I don't know what I got myself into.

Happy Diwali

Today's post is just going to be some random observations and thoughts that are in my head.

I have a colleague in India sent who me a Happy Diwali email today. The Diwali illuminations with lighted diyas bring the supernatural brightness and joy with the hope of finding light in darkness, achieving knowledge where there is ignorance, and spreading love amidst hatred. Diwali is also known as the Festival of Lights. Light is significant in Hinduism because it signifies goodness. So, during the Festival of Lights, 'deeps', or oil lamps, are burned throughout the day and into the night to ward off darkness and evil. I thought that was fascinating.

I have a co-worker who just found out that her 6 year old son has cancer... AGAIN. The poor boy was diagnosed with brain cancer at the beginning of this year. He had surgery to remove the mass, and two subsequent surgeries to remove scar tissue that was triggering siezures. He went through three months of Chemo in February-April, and was given the free and clear, with only about a 10% chance of it returning. He started getting sick again about a month ago, and with more tests, they found out that the cancer has returned. The Dr's are saying that because it's the second round, it's going to be stronger and have to be fought with more aggression. The last round of chemo about killed him, my co-worker has no idea what this is going to do to him. I hate cancer. I especially hate it when kids get cancer. If god exists, then he/she/it really sucks.

My Halloween costume arrived in the mail yesterday. I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to wear it. I'm not going to say what it is because I was sworn to secrecy and some people who read this blog are going to the same party. Let's just say it was a very bad idea to agree to dress as the same thing as my friend. She is going to look HOT. I, on the other hand, am NOT. I think I'll end up wearing an overcoat the whole evening.

I think I'm coming down with a cold. I have a tickle in the back of my throat and my body is starting to ache. Have you ever had your skin hurt? That's how it feels. This isn't supposed to happen, I take vitamin C religiously.

I don't want this to end on a downer. So, happy Diwali! I think I'll get food from the Bombay House to celebrate.

It's the little things

I was thinking about my day and all the things I accomplished. Work-wise, not much, so I'm a little down on myself for that. but but but! I did manage to do some other stuff! such as...

• I woke up a few minutes late but still made it to work on time.
• I ate grapefruit for breakfast, with no sugar.
• I walked past the box of free donuts a co-worker brought in today, at least six times. I didn't partake of any.
• I drank 64 ounces of water (oh, and black coffee first thing), no soda.
• I finalized and booked my travel plans for next month (anyone with experience booking corporate travel knows what a pain.in.the.ass it is)
• I convinced a vendor to take me to dinner and a show in Manhattan the night I arrive. I rule at the sweet talk!

meh, it's not much, but it's something. Now the question is, will I continue with my health trend for the day and actually work out tonight? Not bloody likely. I'm thinking about it though, and that's got to count for something, right?

Things that Must Go

Or as Sister Mary Lisa refers to it, list of random irritations. The radio station that I listen to in the mornings has a weekly presentation of things that must go. Little things (sometimes bigger things) that people do that are annoying. It's a public service, actually, because otherwise you might never know that your habits are driving other people crazy. So here is my first installment of things that must go.

Oh, and I'll never list anything traffic related. Traffic always sucks, and let's face it, no one will ever be as great of a driver as I am (isn't this how everyone feels?).

1. Bubble skirts. Now I'm a trendy person, and I shop often enough that I keep up with the latest styles and fashions, though not necessarily on purpose. Over the summer I received the fall catalogue from Victoria's Secret, and I noticed the bubble skirts. This reminded me of fashions from the late 80's. People-- I'm sorry, but bubble skirts are not flattering on any figure unless you are thin as a stick. I see these skirts popping up all over the building I work in. Just say no to bubble skirts! (then again, I'll never say never. I remember in high school I swore I would never wear pants that flare at the ankle and pegged the cuffs of my pants every morning...)

2. The use of "LOL". I know I'm offending a huge mass of people at this point. Everyone uses LOL. I used to use it constantly. But to me, it seems insincere about 90% of the time, and is almost a form of passive aggressive verbage.

3. Scheduling meetings for people when they're out of the office. I took 2 days off of work, and I come in to the office today and have meetings blocked on my calendar from 9am until 4pm. So much for trying to catch up with my emails and lurk on my blogs.

4. Cramps, because dammit, I'm suffering today. Although I suppose it's better than the alternative.

Okay, 4 is enough for now. I'm done.

Caption this!

La emailed pictures from the night of the Killers Concert. Here we are at the restaurant we went to for dinner (that's La's grey elbow on the right side of the pic). I wish I knew what I was looking at with such intrigue, and why Erica is looking at me and laughing, but I think I had a whole beer at this point.

Why yes, I do glow in the dark.

I've been tagged!

Liseysmom tagged me. Here goes!

3 smells that I love:
· any Calvin Klein scent on a man
· rain
· my moms pot roast... also my favorite food!

3 smells that I hate:
· apples and cinnamon (I love apples an cinnamon in and of themselves, just not as candle or deodorizing scents)
· greasy foods
· my cats breath when she yawns

3 jobs that I have had in my life:
· rides operator at Lagoon (I was 16, give me a break!)
· office manager at a gift shop
· Business Analyst

3 movies that I could watch over and over:
· Moulin Rouge
· Love Actually
· Any Christopher Guest movie

3 fond memories:
· The monthly trips to Berlin that I took from ages 7-13
· Getting a job offer that had really high competition
· Finding out that my newborn twins had curly blonde hair

3 jobs I would love to have:
· Movie critic
· Wine and Food Taster
· Broadway star

3 places I have lived:
· Bountiful, UT
· Germany
· Salt Lake City, UT

3 things I like to do:
· sing (although I suck!)
· watch movies
· drink with friends

3 of my favorite foods:
· Sushi
· Indian (especially Chicken Makhani... yummy!)
· Steak- medium rare

3 places I would like to be right now:
· Switzerland (Hi Wry!)
· London (my favorite city on the earth)
· Seattle

3 websites I visit daily:
· email accounts
· news sites (I'm a news junkie, trying to quit)
· blog friends

3 things that make me cry:
· any news story involving children
· having my heart broken
· Insomnia (it gets frustrating at times)

3 friends that I am tagging:
· Eric (I saw that SML already tagged La!)
· Arizona Expositor (he's visited my blog a few times recently)
· Wry Catcher (she needs to start a Wry Catcher blog because I worship her)

When you Rock and Roll with me, there's nowhere else I'd rather be

Brandon Flowers, how do I love thee? I want to marry him and have like a thousand of his babies.

Last night was the long awaited and much anticipated Killers concert! I wish I could say it was all I hoped and dreamed it would be, but not in every aspect. The venue sucked. To get a view of the stage, you had to be on the floor in the mosh pit (and let's face it, I'm too OLD for that!) or duke it out with people on the upper level for a spot along the railing. We did find a place in the back corner, but we had a ton of people in our group, so we took turns viewing the stage most of the night. I had a better view of him when he joined Bono on stage at the U2 concert in Las Vegas last year... and we were in the cheap seats!

Other than this minor inconvenience, the concert was fan-TAB-ulous! Brandon has amazing stage presence. I've been to a lot of concerts in my time, and not everyone has the ability to put on a show and entertain the audience the way that he does. They sang every song I wanted to hear... which I guess is an advantage seeing a band with only 2 albums produced.

Of course, the highlight of my night was when La and Eric suprised us at dinner and got tickets to the show! Thanks you guys, having you there made it much more fun!

Proof that I am the worlds coolest wife

I recently bought this T-shirt for my husband:

The girl behind the counter at Express told me that this shirt sells out as fast as they can get them in. Other than herself, I'm the only woman she knows of who bought this shirt for their significant other. I rule!

Bunco

Tonight was my Bunco night. Ordinarily, living in SLC, you would think Bunco would be quite lame. But not with this group of women. Somehow, we managed to find 12 women in SLC who are either ex-mo's or nevermo's. I have no idea how that is possible, and it certainly wasn't planned that way. I guess it goes to show that SLC isn't as "mormony" as some would think. It was 12 women, drinking adult beverages and talking about breasts and vaginas. It's good times, I tell you!

Anway, tonight was fun because I was standing at the bar (oh yes, my friend in SLC has a bar in her basement-- when will the madness end??) talking on my phone, when in walks another woman. We stood there and looked at each other for about 30 seconds and simultaneously said "Don't I know you?" Turns out we went to high school together, and were in the same seminary class for 2 years. Both of us were such good girls back then, I distinctly remember some of the testimonies she bore. But, we didn't talk about church or mention the "mormon" word once. We were just normal, relaxed, and enjoyed our rum and cokes while catching up on the gossip of common friends.

I won the booby prize, which meant I was the biggest loser of the night. I seem to win that prize often. Leave it to me to always lose at a game that requires absolutely no skill or thought. That, in and of itself, takes skillz.

Damn you, saké!

So I was asking my husband what my next blog post should be about. His contribution is as follows:

Sex with women (don't most men think about this?)
YOU having sex with women (I've not had sex with a woman, just his fantasy... and.... nevermind)
Work! Oh wait, you don't want to get dooced. (yeah, work sucks. I'm a corporate whore, what can I say? I want to keep my job)
Skirts and boots (my outfit today)
Rock and Roll! Chicken Payback (see this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN48kxZut98 for that)
Damn you saké You betrayed me! (he's had 3 glasses of saké tonight)

And so it goes. I've not got much to add today. Work is kicking my ass. I'm addicted to blogging, and those I meet through blogging.

Cheers!