Murder in the Dark

Tomorrow night is the big night! I have been looking forward to tomorrow night for the past year. This is the second annual ex-mo Halloween party, and I hope this tradition continues forever.

Last year, the host of the party tried to explain how to play a simple game of Murder in the Dark. I'm pretty sure this is a game we all played in high school. But, get 30 drunk people in one room, try to give them extremely simple rules... and it just aint happening. This year, the host didn't want to run into the same problem, so he decided to email the rules with some of his own creative additions, before the party. I won't put all the rules here, but here's just a sampling of the brilliance that is Brandon:

METHODS OF MURDER

Kiss of Judas/Black Widow – Instant and silent death from poisonous lip-gloss. Signified by a light kiss upon the victim’s cheek. Tips: Murderer – Ensnare them with your charm. Victim - Is he/she moving in for a kiss or for the kill? Maybe dying is worth it.

The Strangler – Quick and silent death from strangulation. Gently place hands around victim’s throat. Tips: Murderer – If proficient in your craft, a quick and silent weapon. Victim - If those hands reach your throat it’s over, however, do you know Kung Fu?

Moonlight on Regatta/Hairy Crack Monster (MEN ONLY/DOUBLE POINTS) – Mass death from shock and horror. Moon your intended victims with the power of a full moon as a half assed job will only belie your identity while bringing your killing spree to an end. Tips: Murderer – Do you have what it takes to be a mass murderer? Fast and efficient where large groups congregate, but the screams will surely bring the Judge & Jury running with little time to cover your tracks. Fortunately every witness who saw your ass is dead. Victims – You know you saw it so no cheating, take it like a man and die while screaming like the frightened child you are. (NOTE: May substitute bending over and grabbing your ankles with your fully clothed ass high in the air for standard points.)

Bountiful Bosom/Starlight Starbright I’ve Been Translated Tonight (WOMEN ONLY/DOUBLE POINTS) – Delivers the ultimate one-two punch to mass victims, a holy anointing to be sure. Flash your chest to your intended victims and be sure to hold it long enough to take effect, you don’t want to hear anyone complaining they didn’t see and therefore they’re not dead. Tips: Murderer - Do you have what it takes to be a mass murderer? Fast and efficient where large groups congregate, but the screams will surely bring the Judge & Jury running with little time to cover your tracks. Be careful of those that go towards the light. Victims – Shout praises, talk in tongues, etcetera as you give up the ghost. (NOTE: May substitute a fully clothed Motorboat… okay, okay, I’ll think of something.)

Patriarchal Grip/Or Sure Sign You’re in a Cult – Seduce someone into a cult follower. Slip them the hand and they’re yours to unleash on the flock. Each receive ½ points for every victim of their own. Tips: Will they blow your cover? You lose half your points if they’re fingered as the murderer or accomplice.

Yeah. I can't wait.