I got inked!

I got this tattoo last month, and am finally getting around to blogging about it now:

I LOVE it! I've wanted a tattoo for years, but never knew what I would want to live with, forever. Then I realized that I wanted an ankle bracelet with a heart shaped charm that had and "A" and an "E" in it (for my daughters!). Inspiration struck, and through several twists of fate, I was lucky enough to end up with Steve from Anchor Ink, downtown SLC.

Steve owns the company, and knew exactly what I wanted: Something feminine, badass, and meaningful, all the same time. I gave him my ideas, and he ended up with this. I love it, and know I will, forever!

Can't think of a title for this one

There are people who come in to your life, that I consider to be "Once in a Lifetime Friends". These are the people that you know you are lucky to know. The friends who love you no matter what, and that you love, no matter what. Friends that you may go years between speaking to, but when you do, you pick up right where you left off. Friends that you look at in awe, because you know just how lucky you are to know them. What's even more amazing, is that they want to be friends with you, too!

I've been so lucky to have such a friend. I've posted about her before, she's known on the Degenerate Elite as Patsy. She's always been supportive of my blog and leaves her great personality spattered throughout the comments.

Patsy is the most funky and fun person I know. She is the epitome of ultra hip, even without trying to be. She's always been, in my mind, the type of person who is the best at whatever she does. Whether it's cleaning her house, painting a portrait, drawing a charcoal ape, flirting with boys, baking a chocolate cake from scratch, singing, doing her hair and makeup, doing friends hair and makeup, swimming the butterfly stroke, playing the flute, drawing charicatures of just about anything, or harvesting the bones out of a corpse. Yes, that too. Her talents reach far and wide. And truly, she is the best at whatever it is. The spectacularly amazing part about this, is that she's so damn humble about it. She doesn't think she's the best, she just is.

Patsy listens to me without judgement. She has allowed me to return that favor by confiding in me as well. She has always offered an understanding and open heart, and has a way to find the humor in any situation. I've seen her face the harshest of lifes realities, and she handles everything with incredible dignity and grace. She is, without question, someone that I am damn lucky to know. It's crazy for me to remember a time that I avoided her presence (stupid high school drama!)

Patsy is facing the toughest challenge of her life right now. Her darling husband, her best friend and her soul mate, has been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of mestatic melanoma. His doctors have given him two months, but every day it seems to get a little more scary for them.

I was just at Patsy's house last month. I spoke to her husband, and held their 7 month old baby. This baby is the first baby that I've ever held that has given me those baby hunger pains. She is so sweet, and so loved. Patsy and her husband went through their own personal hells (he has fought cancer before, and was just told that he beat it. She went through a horrible divorce), and found each other 5 1/2 years ago. They are so in love, so happy, and have built a wonderful life together and finally had their dreams come true of having a beautiful daughter. Then they get this devistating blow.

This is where I need my blog friends and readers... if any of you have any experiences with this kind of cancer, let me know and I'll give you the link to their blog where you can offer support and/or encouragement. If you'd like to see their blog and I know you, send me an email and I'll give you the link. Otherwise, please, whatever it is you do to have miracles performed, can you please keep this family as part of your practice? If you meditate, pray, positive thoughts, vibes, whatever... please keep my friends in your hearts.

All of my love to Patsy and her family.

The Great and Dreadful Day

For nearly 6 years I've been looking forward to this day. I remember hearing and seeing other moms talk about how this day brought them heartache and sadness, and I thought they were silly. There has to be everything in the world to look forward to on this day. This day marks the entry into freedom, growth, space, and overall happiness. Those other moms were just saying it made them sad, to make them feel like a better mom.

Then, it happened to me. What is it, you ask? Today, I began the process of registering my daughters.... for Kindergarten.

*sigh*

For the most part, I am happy and not sad. I've always been a working mom and have had guilt over the fact that I'm not at home with them each and every day. On the other hand, I selfishly love my independance and freedom while I work, and love being "Christy" for 8 hours every day. However, there is not a minute that passes, where I don't think about my blonde haired, blue eyed beauties. One of my daughters, Alexa, asked me once what I do when I get sad and miss them. I told her that I have pictures of them all over my walls at work, so when I get sad I can just look at them, think about how cute they are and how much I love them, and get happy. Then, she asked me to give her a picture of me so that she can do the same thing.

These two girls have been the loves of my life. There are times that I get frustrated and lose my patience to embarrassing levels, but I've never know more beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, and caring individuals. I have seen them stand up for each other "No mom, you are NOT taking her to the doctor to get shots. Take me!" , "It's okay if Alexa gets the last pair of spiderman socks today. I want to see her look cool!" (yes, they love spiderman and love their spiderman socks) , "Emilie, I love how you look when you're running in your sandals and wear capri's". These two angels are best little friends, friendly to others, sensitive, and inclusive. I couldn't ask to know, let alone raise, two better human beings. I am so lucky.

Just today, Emilie told me that she loves me to death and can't even stop hugging me. Alexa told me that she wishes she had a really big bum so that everyone can smell it. We all laughed, giggled, and snuggled.

In two weeks, they will start kindergarten. My perfect girls. They're not going to be the smartest in their class, they're going to be perfectly in the middle. They're going to make lots of new friends and dazzle their teacher(s). There is no doubt that for the rest of their life, they're going to be known as "The Twins". They'll have noteriety and popularity without trying, but I think they'll set a good example of how to be. I didn't ask for twins, I didn't hope for twins, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I just can't believe how fast time has flown. In another 6 years, they'll almost be 12. Unfathomable. I love my sweethearts more than life itself. I'm so lucky!

Still, selfishly, I am looking forward to kindergarten. Mostly, I can't wait to see how their minds grow!

Vegas Baby, yeah!

I'm off for a weekend of sin and debauchery. I would return and report, but you know how it goes.... what happens in Las Vegas, STAYS in Las Vegas!

Huh.

Last night I made a very long, overly detailed post about part IV of my relationship examination process. I posted it, shut down my computer, and got ready for bed. By the time I was done with my routine, I realized that I didn't like the vulnerable and exposed feeling I had. I didn't realize that publicly talking about my past relationships would bother me, but this time it did. Perhaps it spotlighted my faults in an all too real manner. Perhaps I realized that I haven't changed as much as I thought I have. Perhaps I'm pissed that all of the pain I experienced still hurts a little.

At any rate, I'm not able to talk about it anymore. The post was up for about a half hour, I think a few people already saw it.

This weekend I experienced....

Dirt roads, childrens laughter, deer, four wheelers, relaxation, horses, trees, road trip, Idaho, hugs and kisses, excited faces on my daughters, dust, new friends, a hot shower on a tired and dirty body, isolation, views disrupted by other gorgeous views, bunnies, Gewerztraminer wine, cows, goofy grins, my daughters living their dream of being up close and personal with beautiful horses, wind on my face, Idaho strength beer, wildflowers, badgers, sweet and calm ranch dogs, old friends, chili and cheese potatoes, horseback riding, afternoon naps, air conditioning, a few read pages in the final Harry Potter, being awoken in the middle of the night by sweet dreams, good conversations, spontaneous moments.

I think I have experienced heaven.

10 Weird or Different Experiences

The lovely JulieAnn has tagged me to post 10 weird weird or different experiences about me. I have posted some strange things about myself in the past. I'll try to come up with 10 more!



1. When I was 7 or 8, I slid down the twisted banister of the house I was living in (in Germany), and my foot got caught between the slats. I fell straight backwards, and hit my head on the ground, hard. I passed out. My oldest sister found me, took me into the living room, and I swear between that time, I had a life after death experience. I saw the bright white lights, and turned around and walked back. I was confused as hell when I woke up.



2. I used to make myself pass out all the time, when I was in Jr. high. I learned how in 4th grade by accident, when doing what I could to make my face really red. It later became a recreation. Luckily my mom saw what was happening and got me some professional help.



3. I believe that in my previous life, I was a broadway diva who was very mean to people. As a punishment, I was put in this life with absolutely no talent but total desire.



4. I said it in the last post but I'll say it again, because it's that weird. My memory is insane. I scare people, and embarrass myself.



5. I take a certain medicine at night (Trazadone) to help me sleep. In turn, it gives me very vivid, realistic dreams. To the point that I've had to ask people if I dreamed about a conversation we had, or if it really happened.



6. I think I had my first orgasm at age 8, sliding up and down on a wooden pole of playground equipment at my school in Germany.



7. Speaking of Germany, I used to live across the street from some "Gypsy's", meaning a family from Yugoslavia. It was an old woman and her mentally challenged, adult son. I used to think that they were going to kidnap me, so whenever had to go past their house, I ran. Then I used to pop my head out of my roof top window and spy on them. The most sinister thing they did was hang their laundry and try to sell my mom a rug.



8. While at an ex-mo picnic on sunday, I ran into a girl that I've known since pre-K, in Bountiful. I moved away, but moved back to Bountiful in time for High School. Our groups of friends were friends, but different cliques. I remembered that in kindergarten or 1st grade, I slammed her finger in the bathroom stall door. I used that stall every time ever since, out of guilt. There was a little bit of blood left on the door, so it was easy to remember. She showed me the scar that she still has on her finger, since that incident, but forgot it was me who inflicted the damage.



9. After I click on "Publish Post", I know I'll come up with a million weird situations that I've had, even though I'm struggling to think of them right now.



10. My dreams have been known to be prophetic. Whether it's being in a room of someones house I didn't know existed, a conversation that takes place the next day. I'm not talking about deja vu, this is different. I have a dream, think about it the next morning, then the person I dreamed about will come up to talk to me and I already know exactly how the conversation is going to go.

*Sigh*

It's been forever since I have posted. I'm so sorry for those of you waiting for an update. I have so much to say, but so little time to say it. For the next little while, I don't have internet access at work. That sucks.

Today I feel that I have to post about something incredible, something miraculous, something amazing.

Are you ready for it?

Today. I met none other than. The one. The only. The famous. WRY CATCHER!!!!

I went to an ex-mo picnic in Lindon today. Most of my friends were there, all of our kids ran around and had tons of fun. yadda yadda yadda.

I MET WRY CATCHER!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

Okay, you asked for it. Part III in the examination

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah. End of Sophomore year with Stephen Flynn.



OOOOH, one part about my soph year that had an impact on me. Valentines day, I was sitting in my Drivers Ed class when the office aide walked in with a balloon, rose, and a card, and said "This is a delivery for Christy blahblahblah". I was shocked, because things like this never happen to me. It was a balloon that said "I Love You" and a red rose and a card that said on the outside "At first I thought I wanted you for one of my friends" And the inside said "Then I thought, to hell with my friend, I want you for myself! Happy Valentines day! From ?" They had actually written a question mark. I never did find out who that was from, despite relentless attempts and bribery. grrrr.



Beginning of Jr. Year, Stephen and I had worked out our friendship, and things were going well. He started dating one of my friends, and while I was a little envious, I liked them both and was happy for them. I moved on myself, liking and dating other people, even though Stephen could have snapped his fingers and I would have been his, at any moment. Jr. year was rather boring. We were great friends, but both being active, involved 16 and 17 year olds. We had common friends, classes, interests. I developed a crush in the middle of that school year on a boy named Matt Tolman. He was the first guy I wrote a note to confessing my interest. His response, to my best friend, was "That note was well written". There's a little more to that story, to be explained later.



That summer, The Cure was coming to town on their Wish Tour ("Friday I'm in Love"). Stephen was first in line, waiting over night. I went with our friends to say hi and take some snacks, and I said to Stephen "So you're taking me to the concert, right? I can't wait for our concert, we're going to have so much fun. The night of the cure concert, we should all get together to goth it up first", etc. Stephen finally said "You know what? Okay. I'll take you. I want to take someone I know will appreciate and enjoy it." and that was it. I was THRILLED. The concert came mid-summer, we went and had a great time! Then my mom scored some most excellent seats to the broadway tour of Les Mis. At this point, Stephen and I were hanging out every day, with our friends, or alone, and just having a great summer. Naturally, I invited him. He refused. I didn't get it. I knew he loved Les Mis as much as I did. All he would say is, "no". Our friends were equally perpelexed, asking him what was up? One night, when we were at a friends house, he was leaning against the hood of his car, and asked me to come talk to him. "The reason why I said no to going to Les Mis with you, is because I've already gone this summer, and have taken another girl. Emily Christensen." She was the girl at my school who was voted with the best smile. Plus, her parents were loaded. "But," he continued, "If you'll still have me, I would be much obliged to attend with you." "Okay," I said. "Sounds like a plan." The next day I saw him at a city carnival, walked up to him, and said "Nevermind, my mom already sold that ticket to someone else, sorry!". Truth be told, I sold the ticket to my best friends sister. The tickets were on the 5th row, orchestra level. Stephens loss. My loss, as well.



By our senior year, Stephen and I called each other "Best Friend". We just had a lot of fun. Both dating other people, but hanging out often with our same group of friends, so totally comfortable. In fact, he had a girlfriend before his mission, who went to another school. At this point, I was great friends with his girlfriend, and he and I would double date all the time. I think at this time, both of our families fantasized of the day we would get together, as did I. But, the interest wasn't there on his side, and I wanted to at least keep him as a friend.

The thing about Stephen, is he liked the girls that were out of reach. He only went for the really pretty and popular girls, not the average best friend type of girls, like me. I never had a chance, and I made my self too accessible and available. There was no challenge. This story is to be continued.


Moving on with my senior year, I dated other people. Started dating Andy Skelton, at about the time I asked him to the Halloween dance. I found out he had liked me since the year before, but never actioned his feelings. I was going out with him, and his best friend Arlo Weston, was going out with my best friend, Viki. The four of us did everything together, and had SO much fun. Andy was completely enamored of me, and that was nice. Me? Not so much. I was lonely, wanted a boyfriend, and he was ready and willing. Plus he was the best friend of my best friends boyfriend. This worked. By the time the casual Jr. Prom came around, Andy asked me, and Arlo asked Viki. Viki and I were bored.... I mean we knew we would go to Sr. Prom with them, so why go to Jr. as well? We agreed that it would have been more fun if Arlo asked me, and Andy asked her. So, I answered Arlo with a "YES" and Viki answered Andy with a "YES". The boys were confused. We explained how we felt, and they agreed to it. The day before the dance, Andy came down with the flu and couldn't go. I told Arlo, his family, and Viki, that in no way was I going to the dance, he should absolutely take her. Our answering to the contrary was just to be silly and have some fun. The next day, the day of the dance, Arlo called me and said "Hi Christy, this is Arlo. Will you go to the Jr. Dance with me?" "What??!?!" was my reply. "Look," he said, "I would have done something creative here, but we're leaving in about an hour and I need to know now if you want to go." "Uh... uh... Okay! Why not?!?!" was my reply. An hour later, he picked me up. This guy was a class act. He took both Viki and I to the dance. Paid for our activity, dinner, etc. We got out picture taken, all 3 of us together. This dance was SO.MUCH.FUN.! Arlo will always hold a special place in my heart for doing that.



I broke up with Andy after Valentines Day, because I developed a crush on the new boy, Clint Duke. Not much to say here. The crush was mostly unrequited, but I really wasn't into Andy all that much, anyway. He was convenient, more than anything. Andy did ask me to Sr. Prom, we went with our group of friends. Later he dated the girl who posts on my blog as "Patsy". He told her horrible things about me, and me horrible things about her. Patsy and I had a mutual dis-like for each other, because of Andy.

The thing is, I wanted to like Patsy. She seemed like fun, and we had a lot of friends in common. All of my friends liked her and went to her house often. Patsy had a total party house. My friends would all go there and have a great time, and I would sit home and sulk. The story of Patsy will continue, but to her suggestion in the comments on my last blog post, let me tell you about Andy's treehouse. OH, Patsy! I think you should draw a picture of it, email it to me, and I'll post it in my next blog post, deal?

Andy's treehouse was the biggest treehouse, ever. It took over his entire front yard. I'm not kidding, this thing is massive. Anyone who has spent considerable amount of time in Bountiful could point out the Skelton treehouse to you. It has levels upon layers upon levels. It had hammocks, tents, stairs, swings, slides, all over the freaking place. In my opinion? EYESORE. Our friends LOVED this treehouse, and many nights were spent playing tag on this treehouse. As for me? I hated it. I liked Andy, hated the treehouse. The structure scared me. No one else had a problem playing on this thing, but while everyone else would run all over it, I would sit on the swing over the driveway at the bottom. Next to the final slide. I think it was Andy's fantasy to live in this treehouse forever. If he could have had Patsy and I as his celestial wives? Even Better!

Patsy, the call is out. Somtime in your freetime, since you have so much working full time and having a newborn daughter, I want a picture of this catastrophe, drawn by Y-O-U.

So, yeah, recap: I still liked Stephen, dated and broke up with Andy, lusted after Clint, and hated Patsy, all in my senior year of high school. Andy worshipped me, didn't like that. Stephen wouldnt consider me, drove me wild. Clint titillated my brain, and still does, truth be told. Something about Andy landing a girl like Patsy after me, made me batty and oddly jealous.

The summer between high school and year one of college brought a lot of new things for me. To be continued!

Examining past relationships Part II

Thanks everyone for your great feedback on your last post! Writing it was therapeutic for me. It's not been painful at all... YET! In fact, I'm wondering how far I'll let myself write about. You see, I've been split with Jeremy since the first part of the year, and he's also a blogger. I will talk to him and see how he feels about it, but I know he knows I will be respectful and careful, only telling MY side of the story. Also, I've dated quite a bit since the demise of our marriage, and some of those men know about this blog (due to creative googling or me sharing the address), so I'm not sure if I want to write about those relationships or not. I want this blog to be drama free. We'll see how far I get!

Before I continue, there was one Jr. High relationship that I neglected to write about. And how could I!?!? This was my first *REAL* kiss! His name was Julian Mendozza. He was in my 7th grade English class, but I never noticed him. This was in Germany, and the Jr. High had 4 dances a year, all at night for 3 hours each: Halloween, Christmas, Valentines, and spring/end of year. The Halloween dance was my first major dance, and I was having so much fun! I finally made it into the popular crowd (eyes rolling here), and lots of boys were asking me to dance that night. For the most part I was too shy to accept, so I turned them down. By the end of the night I had a ton of adreniline running through me, and I had to stay until the very end because my mom was the student council advisor (yeah, lucky me!! not.), so most of the kids had gone home during the last 20 minutes. At one point I found myself dancing with Julian. I recognized him, but didn't know him. He was wearing a witches hat, and while we were dancing, I kept taking it off and tossing it like a frisbee. We were being playful, cute, like the 12 year olds we were. When the dance was over and lights turned on, we sat on the bleachers. He asked me if I would go with him, and I immediately said "No!" and got up and walked away. My parents were RIGHT THERE! Later I was chastised by friends, who told me that Julian was the sweetest guy who would never hurt a flee. The next monday at school, I walked right up to him on the school grounds and said "I made a mistake when I said no to you on Friday night. Is it too late for me to change my mind?" He had a big toothy grin and said "Not at all!" and we hugged, our friends clapped, Jr. High romance at its finest.

That week, I was staying at my best friends building, who lived right across the street from his building (Air Force Base housing here!). So we walked home from school together. He saw my friend and I carrying laundry down to the basement through the windows in the stairwell, so he and his friend came over to hang out with us. I told him I must have looked like a dork carrying laundry down and he shook his head and said "No, you looked FINE." *sigh*. The next morning we walked to school together, then home together that afternoon. A bunch of kids from the neighborhood got together that night to hang out and shoot the breeze before bedtime, and my best friend Mandy (the girl who french kissed her boyfriend on the playground in 5th grade, noted in previous post) said "Tonight is the night you two will kiss!" She whispered that into Julian's ear, grabbed all the other kids hanging out with us, and disappeared into the stairwell. Julian and I stared at each other, as nervous as we could be. We kept looking away, looking at each other, the ground, blushing giggling. Goodness gracious, I was TWELVE YEARS OLD. Then at one moment, our eyes met, we each took a step closer. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close and planted a wet one on me. After that we stepped back, and he ran home across the street. The kids came out of the stairwell laughing, clapping. I went to bed, dreaming of that kiss.

The next day at school, he and I were shy around each other. We walked home again, keeping our distance. The next morning, I broke up with him. I wasn't ready for such a step. But, was it that, or did I get what I want and then leave? I dunno. I never missed him. He turned into a bit of a hoodlum after that. I found him attractive in the "bad boy" sort of way, but because he was not mormon and I was so, so mormon, I wouldn't consider that.

WAIT! One other Jr. High relationship I haven't written about! Andy Welch. I loved him. Looking back, he was my first true love. I knew him since 5th grade, but one day in 7th grade I looked at him and though "Wow.!" I loved him from the middle of November until... well that love didn't end, and was unrequited. I tried to get over him but he knew I had these feelings. At one point he had a little crush on me and wanted to dance with me at the Valentines dance, but I had plans with my family and dad's office to go Skiing in Innsbruck, Austria that weekend. I did have priorities. He couldn't ask me to dance with him, and ended up re-connecting with an old girlfriend of his, Jill Safkin. I had it for him that entire year. To me, he was perfect. I will always consider him the first boy I fell in love with. I know it was 7th grade, but I also know the feeling of love. That was it. I have no clue what happened to him after I left.

On to High School: I moved back to Bountiful just before my senior year of high school. I moved into a ward where I was the only girl my age. Everyone was either 2 years older than me, or 1 year younger. Instead of having me regress, they were nice and allowed me to join the laurels before I was of age, because those girls were in high school and would take care of me. When I first moved into the ward, a woman told me that she had a son my age (the only boy our age in the ward), but he was in Europe on some sort of field trip. Huh, ok, whatever. The sunday before the first day of school, he arrived. Stephen Flynn. W.O.W. Stephen was everything I liked in a boy. He was tall. Had sloppy hair but NOT A MULLET (this was 1990, after all). He had round glasses. He was my age. He.was.PERFECT. I could not stop staring. I was sitting on the stand because my family had to speak and introduce themselves since we were new in the ward. I stared at him the entire time. When I was speaking, I saw him sit up straight and listen to me. All I could think was, "I'm going to marry him". I just knew I would. We weren't introduced that day. The next day, first day of high school, I saw him scaling the stairs, and he was wearing a Smiths t-shirt. Could he be anymore perfect??

Nothing more happened with him until we started rehearsing for the road show and had to spend several saturdays and cast parties together. I was smitten, in a way I never knew possible. Stephen and I started this amazing friendship. We got together all the time and hung out at all the high school stomps, games, and church dances together. First time he asked me to slow dance was during "Somebody", by Depeche Mode. Second time was "Unchained Melody". I was sure the feelings were returned. We gave each other christmas presents, spent New Years Eve together, hung out at school, talked on the phone every night-- didn't this mean we were an item? He turned 16 right before the Jr. Prom, and told me how he so looked forward to that being his first date. I wasn't turning 16 until a month after that, but made it clear to him that my mom would still let me go to a school sponsored dance. I hoped he would ask me. I expected him to ask me. Then, I found out through my best friend Emilie (Yes, the girl I named my Emilie after) who was good friends with his younger brother, that he had asked Sharon Goodrich, one of THE most popular girls at school. And, she said yes. Ugh. Heartbreak. Crushed. Devistated.

The rest of my sophomore year, I felt like I lived in the shadow of Sharon. She was cute, pretty, and popular. I was a new girl (kind of. I grew up there and had just moved back. Sharon was actually my best friend in 1st grade), and not one to be desired. I kept my distance from Stephen the rest of the year, although I did try once to reclaim our friendship, by asking him to my first girls choice dance. We had fun, nothing happened, yadda yadda. During that summer, Stephen confonted me about how knows we were such great friends then I lost it when he asked someone else to the dance. He still wanted to be my friend. So we were very platonic friends after that, not talking about much else.

I can see that this is going to take more than one post, and this one is long enough. I'll continue the saga of Stephen in my next post. Suffice it to say, I carried a torch for him for many, many years. I hope he googles his name someday and reads all this.

Examining past relationships Part I

I read somewhere once that marriages don't fail, they conclude. It is sad for me to think about, but it's true. I've learned that divorce, no matter what the reasons or who initiated it, is extremely difficult. Not for someone who is weak at heart.

Lately I've been doing a High Fidelity deal where I've re-examined my past relationships and trying to figure out what went wrong. I'm going to talk about them, and on some of these, I'm going to use their real names because I'm hoping that by some small chance, one day they will google their names and see that I've talked about them, and contact me and let me know what they're up to.

***DISCLAIMER!*** This is only my side of the story. Each of these boys/guys have their own to tell. Please keep this in mind!

***DISCLAMER AGAIN!*** Because this is so long winded, this post only contains childhood through Jr. High. More to follow!

First relationship ever was with Jared Steenblik. I met Jared in my ward and knew him from baby age on up. Right before kindergarten, we were a hot item. I remember my 5th birthday, he gave me a box of play-dough. Later I went with my mom to drop the kids off, and when I got home, Jared was sitting at my kitchen table, playing with the play-dough he gave me. This is true romance for you-- after we dropped him off, he went into his backyard, cut across my best friend Emilie's back yard, and broke into my house which was 2 houses away. We spent Kindergarten chasing each other around the playground and sitting next to each other in class when we could, but the relationship had no chance. We were too young, and our parents wouldn't let us move in together. We were in different classes in 1st grade, so we only really saw each other in Primary each week. The relationship could not last, as I moved away and back a few times. We went to the same High School, though. We never talked to each other much, but made a point to sign each others yearbooks every year. He and I always had a special bond, there's something unique about maintaining a friendship with someone from your past like that.

After that, it was Chris Green. Chris was also in my ward, and a year younger than me. During the summers, his mom would babysit me a few times a week, so we were together often. One night his sister invited my sister over for a slumber party. I was jealous, and pitched a fit. So his mom said I could sleep over, too. We all slept in our sleeping bags in the living room. He fell asleep, and the girls stayed up to play truth or dare. My dare was to kiss him. Chris Green was my first kiss, and I'll never forget that! I moved the next year, and maybe said 5 additional words to him the rest of my life.

I had a crush on some kid in my 3rd grade class, and dammit I don't remember his name! I do remember fantasizing about showing up to school in a most beautiful princess gown, having him come up to me and kiss me. This was my first time feeling inferior to someone. He was "above my league", so to speak. The smartest, best looking kid in the class. No way would he like a dorky girl like me!

In 4th grade, I got to my desk one day with a note on it saying only "will you go weth me?" I looked around the class, couldn't figure out who it was from. I was grossed out by the idea, and threw the note away. It even had a decorated border! Later that day, a boy named Justin Hall walked up to my desk and slapped another piece of paper on my desk that said "WILL YOU GO WETH ME!!!" I freaked out, wrote "NO!!!!" On it, then slapped it back on his desk. Even then I was a spelling snob and said "Besides, I can't go out with a boy who can't even spell WITH!" After that, he tormented me with notes, then they got nasty. The day before Halloween, he passed me a note first thing in the morning that said "I'm going to screw you on Halloween". Yes people, this was in Bountiful Utah, and I was being threatened with rape at age 9. I didn't think to tell the teacher. That day during recess on the playground, he started chasing me, and I ran for my life. He chased me all over the place, relentlessly. I had some friends who saw was was going on and either ran with me, or tried to stop him in his tracks. When the bell rang, I ran into my class, and told my teacher what happened. The teacher called him up, had a few words with him, then sent me home for the rest of the day. As I recall, he never bothered me again after that. This was a truly horrifying moment for me. I moved away the year after that, and when I returned to Bountiful 6 years later, I asked about him. No one knew what happened to him. Sometimes I still wonder. Good enough reason why that couldn't happen, eh?

I moved to Germany just before 5th grade. I don't know what happened here, I wasn't boy crazy at all at this point, but I had several boys ask me to "go with them". I was a good mormon girl, and said no to each one of them. Even when the most popular boy, T.J. Daniels, asked me. My best friend Mandy started "going with" another boy named Cary Belmear, and they french kissed on the playground, in 5th grade!! Quite the scandal, clearly I wasn't ready for such antics.

At the end of 5th grade, a boy by the name of Jeremy Cochran moved and was new in my class. From the moment I saw him, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. But I wasn't one of the cute petite girls (always a bit on the taller side, myself) so he never had those same eyes for me. However, he and I became great friends, could really talk about stuff and things.

6th grade was boring. Not much to tell.

7th grade, Jeremy Cochran was in my band class. He was on the trumpet, I was on the flute. Again, I couldn't stop staring at him. We started of a conversation where we left off in 5th grade. I immediately re-ignited my crush. My relationship with him was rare, and I'm not just saying this because he was my first "Real" boyfriend (although we never kissed). He and I talked, flirted, and stared at each other for about 6 weeks before he asked me to "go with him", and I said yes. The weird thing about this relationship was that I dreamed the situation in its entirety the night before it happened.... in extreme details. He played football at the local rec center and asked me to go to the homecoming dance with him. Because I was a good mormon girl who couldn't date in an even extremely controlled environment (Pee-Wee football? Come on!), I had to say no. He still wanted to "go with me" anyway. After that, we both got nervous about the expectations and stopped talking. Didn't even pass notes. After a week I missed my friend and realized how pointless the relationship was, so I broke up with him, telling him I still wanted to be friends. Suddenly, we could talk and joke and hang out again. About a week later, I had another dream that he asked me to "go back with him". The next day, TO THE ENTIRETY, this happened. And I said YES!! This time, things were different. Keep in mind that in 7th grade world, 1 week seems like 1 month in the real world. ANYWAY, we started going out again. This time we didn't talk or hang out as much, but it was different from before. Then I started becoming popular. And my friend, Jennifer Ayers, found out that I was going with Jeremy. She looked at me one day and said "Jeremy Cochran?" And made the gagging sign with her finger and her throat. At this point I desperately wanted to be popular, and friendship seemed more important than boys, so I asked her to tell him to break up with him for me. She did. He came up to me later that day and said "Jennnifer Ayers said you wanted to break up with me, is that true?" I said "Yes, but I still want to be friends" and that was it. To this day, I have regrets about that. I could have handled the entire deal so much better. Jeremy and I broke up, then didn't talk much more after that. He was my first boyfriend. I'd love to talk to him again! I contribute the loss of this relationship to peer pressure. A stupid girl finally gets what she wants, then gives in to peer pressure because he's not "cool" enough.

The next two years are a blur-- I moved back to Utah, and went from a big fish in a small pond, to a small fish in a big pond. A lot more students and population!! I was a total dork. I'll never forget my first 8th grade assembly where I had to sit by myself, then listen to a girl talk on the bus ride home about how she had no one to walk between 4th and 5th period with, and how embarrassing that was. I may as well have been from another planet, and a loser. I remember a region dance for church where one guy named Mitch Schroeder asked me to dance. I thought this meant that he had a crush on me, but hindsight tells me that his best friend had a crush on my best friend, so he only asked me so his friend could ask her. I read too many teen romance novels at this point and fantasized about a real romantic realationship developing with this guy, but he never spoke to me again. I got over him, eventually. As far as I can remember, I have nothing to tell about 9th grade. Lots of depression, no romance.

Okay, this post is long enough, so I shall end it for now. I'll do a part II where I start with High School.

Haiku 4

Haiku is not hard
No creative bone needed
It is fun to plot

Haiku 3

I'm on hiatus

It is just for the weekend

Tuesday, I'll be back

If it didn't happen before "I Love You", then it didn't happen.

So says Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

I have become a newfound fan of Sex and the City. When it was in its regular run, I didn't have HBO, and was annoyed by Sarah Jessica Parker's public persona. The desire to watch the show wasn't there. Then the show started airing on TBS. So very curious, I decided to watch. Immediately, I was hooked!

This is a great show! I've only ever caught it on TBS or when I did a free trial of HBO last winter and watched a few episodes "On Demand". I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this show! I need to break down and buy the series on DVD. There is so much wisdom! I could have titled this post "Anything I Need to Know, I learned from Sex and the City". A few of my favorite quotes!: (There are others!)

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Carrie: That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.

Mr. Big: after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

Duncan: I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
Miranda: Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual holy grail.

Charlotte: I have never done a number two at a boyfriend's place.
Samantha: Honey, you're so uptight, you need to do a number seven.

Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Carrie: You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it.

I could go on. I love the writing, the acting, the directing, and most of all, the location. How I wish I had friends like that, scenarios like that, living in a city like that. For now, I live vicariously through them. I had a friend ask me who I relate to the most. The answer? Everyone, on some level.

Miranda: I have an intellectual woman inside of me. Also, some great maternal insticts.

Samantha: What woman doesn't have a sex goddess inside of her? Not this one, anyway.

Carrie: She has amazing insight into her single and lovelife. Talented writer. Secure, confident. Is able to get together with some of the most amazing men. I feel like when she says or feels things, I'm right there with her. I know, sweetheart. I know.

Charlotte: The woman I relate to the most. I didn't want to like her at first because this actress was evil on Melrose Place. However, despite the physical similarites of long, straight dark hair, I love her assertiveness with men. She never loses her identity, despite being head over heals in love. She has scruples, yet is highly sexual.

PS- My BFF Shiree reminds me of Samantha, in looks and oozing sexuality. I'm just sayin'....!

Haiku 2

German food is good

It goes so well with Riesling

Spaetzle is tasty

Priceless

Black capri sailor pants from Express: $60.00

Black strappy sandals from TJMaxx: $20.00

Black and white top from Vanity that is strategically revelealing: $25.00

Victoria's Secret Secret Embrace Push-Up Bra: $45.00

The look on the Elders Quorum Presidency sitting in a truck, tripping over themselves to be nice to me?:
PRICELESS.

Haiku 1

Blogging has been sparse
From now on I shall Haiku
When no other words

Simply Exquisite!

I got to meet Sideon for lunch today! This man is every bit as charming, funny, fabulous, and real as his posts. It was all too short of a time, then I drove him back to the airport. He kept thanking me for the ride, but truly, I was the lucky one. Who else gets to spend one on one time with him? Besides... well... a number of other bloggers. But still, it was Pure.Heaven.

Until we meet again! ;-)

One last thing-- HAPPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to every bloggers favorite sweetheart, Sister Mary Lisa! After I meet her, I can die happy.

Cheers!

Yup. It really *does* rule to be me!

I got to talk to both Sideon AND SML on the phone today. AT THE SAME TIME!!!

I wish I coulda been there. Can't wait to read their after-posts.

Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

hehe.

So Sweet!

This is my baby nephew Alex, and his dog Zoey:



I'm such a proud aunt!