I feel like I've got a bit of writers block going. Life is crazy and hectic and wonderful, but I don't have a damn thing to write about. So here goes, just something I was thinking about today.
From Merriam-Websters online dictionary, the word "enable" is defined as 'to provide with the means or opportunity. To make possible, practical, or easy'. The word "assist" is defined as 'to give support or aid. To be present as a spectator'.
My mother, who is a behavior specialist, taught me at a very young age that there is a fine line between these two words. She told me that while it's good to be supportive, it's important to stay assertive enough to not cross the line into enabling the wrong behavior. I'm a rescuer, by nature. I genuinely love and care about the people I'm close to, and am the first to stand up for friends and family. I often have to remind myself to fight my own battles.
I have recently discovered that I am easy to enable. I think this is why I used to cling to prayer so much. It was easy for me to not get to the root of the problem and try to figure out what was causing my irrational fears, because I could just leave it up to god. This was the case in every moment of weakness, inadequacy, or stress. Instead of doing something to change or fix the situation, I prayed.
But wait! I've learned something about myself! I'm not a weak, incapable, stressful person. I have moments of insecurity and let myself believe that. On my recent cross-country flight, I actually did okay. I was a little scared at take off and landing or when we had turbulence, but I didn't freak out thinking my life was going to end. I think this happened because my husband wasn't sitting next to me, and I wasn't about to freak out to complete strangers. This morning I had to drive through several inches of unplowed snow to work, and I didn't freak or stress out once. This could not have been accomplished two years ago. The mere sight of a few snowflakes would cause immense stress about how I was going to get where I needed to go, to the point of even calling in sick because I couldn't handle it.
I'm not faulting those who pray or find comfort in that. I'm simply saying that if I'm stronger than I thought possible, then I believe this is the case for everyone else. It is my opinion that humans are a lot stronger than any kind of religion gives them credit to be. I have come into more comfort and peace with my own life being godless, than I ever did with a god.
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9 comments:
This is great that you feel stronger and less dependent on others. I'm glad the flight was OK for you. I love to fly.
It's hard to imagine you as not the strong, adventurous person that you are.
Since I've taken a pause on my own blog, I feel like I can at least say something here along these lines:
My daughter is going to some kind of young women's award night at the church. She didn't tell me about it, and my husband just told me about it this afternoon. Both of them don't want me to go.
Why?
Because they both know I think that this particular church cultivates disablement in women.
OK, finished.
I used to hate driving through the snow, especially after I did a complete 180 turn after skidding on some ice on I-15. I don't miss snow.
Anyway I am so happy for you that you have found peace and comfort. I have found that I have a lot more of that in the past year and a half since I stopped going to church. It's nice!
Christy, I just wanted to say that I'm very happy for, and proud of you about the driving in the snow thing...that's so awesome! It's exciting to realize that you can do something with ease, that you previously had a hard time with. I know I have had that happen to me a few times sense leaving the church....it's a great feeling!
Plus...now we don't have to worry about you skipping out on parties during snow storms!! Right?!?!
I'm a big fan of enablers. If it weren't for them, co-dependents and addicts everywhere would be left to enable themselves. And enable one's self can be fun but it won't pay the bills, if you know what I mean.
Here's to safe flying, safe driving, safe sex, and random prayers in the face of uncertainty.
Be well, Christy :)
oh shit, I left wonderfully sweet, thoughtful responses to each of you, and blogger ate it up! Now I'm too mad to type it all over again. GRRRR BLOGGER!!!
I had an instance a couple of months ago where I lost my car keys at work. I started to panic and my immediate response was to want to say a prayer. Then I thought "Meg, you don't believe in that. Just take a deep breath and calm down."
It turned out I must have dropped the keys on my way in. Someone had found them, figured out which car they belonged to, and left them in the front seat with the door unlocked. I suppose my car could have been stolen, but I'm very grateful that someone thought to leave my keys where I could find them. And they weren't a magical answer to my prayer, it was just a good samaritan.
Sorry for the ramble. I love that you are finding this inner strength. I think I'm finding some of that too.
Meg,
I wonder how many times that happens after a prayer, that it makes people that was the root cause.
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