Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sugar Cookie recipe and tips

After my recent sugar cookie post, I told C.L. Hanson that I would give her tips on sugar cookie baking. I've had other people ask me about it before, and truth be told, this is my one real talent, so here goes.

This recipe gets full credit from Betty crocker. However, I've been using this recipe for so long, I really understand how it works and how to make it work.

For starters, this is a 3 day process for me. I make the dough one day, roll and cut them out the next day, then frost on the third. This is usually because I at least double, often triple the recipe. It is soooo yummy, I have to accomodate everyone. This recipe is so great because it doesn't have any nasty aftertaste, and it's not too sweet.

The recipe:
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1 egg
2 1/2 cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cream of tartar

1. In large bowl, mix 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar, the butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla, almond extract and egg until well blended. Stir in flour, baking soda and cream of tartar. Cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours.
2. Heat oven to 375°F. Divide dough in half. On lightly floured, cloth covered surface, roll each half of dough 3/16 inch thick. Cut into assorted shapes with cookie cutters, or cut around patterns traced from storybook illustrations. If cookies are to be hung as decorations, make a hole in each 1/4 inch from top with end of plastic straw. Place on ungreased cookie sheet.
3. Bake 7 to 8 minutes or until light brown. Remove from cookie sheet to cooling rack. Cool completely, about 30 minutes.

The tricks I use:

Lots of flour. I only use the amount required for the recipe, but when I get ready to roll and cut, I put a fresh layer on the counter or table, I sprinkle some on the mound of cookie dough, then I make sure the rolling pin has plenty as well. I keep the flour container handy and am constantly dipping into it.

When I roll the dough out, I leave it somewhat thick. If it's too thin, it'll fall apart and burn easily. It's okay to make less cookies than the recipe says it will. This is quality, not quantity.

I use a pampered chef baking stone. This gets the cookies evenly baked, without the burnt or crisp edges. This also makes them soooooo soft and they practically melt in your mouth. The first batch will always take longer to cook because the stone isn't heated yet, but I cut down the time by a minute or two after that.

I don't use complicated shape patterns. Hearts are perfect because they're very simple and easy to scrape up and out. I also don't mind pumpkins, christmas trees, stars, easter eggs, etc. When you get into tricky things like bats (the animal, not baseball), candy canes, flowers with stems etc., the dough doesn't stay together well and the cookies come out looking warped, not to mention they're more difficult to frost.

As for frosting, I use the Wilton buttercream recipe. I took a cake decorating class a couple of years ago where I learned this recipe, and it is delicious!

1 cup solid vegetable shortening
1 teaspoon Clear Vanilla
4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar (approx. 1 lb.)
2 tablespoons milk**
1 pinch of salt

Except I use 1 TBS of meringue powder, water instead of milk, and clear butter flavoring instead of clear vanilla. (All Wilton brand products!). Also, I only use white shortening, in order to get the coloring I want. You can add more water to lessen the thickness of the recipe. For sugar cookie decorating, the consistency should be medium. Thickness is for things like roses on cakes, and thin consistency is what frosts a cake without getting crumbs in the icing.

Boring post. Any questions?

Monday, February 26, 2007

And the Oscar went to.... ?????

I used to be obsessed with the Oscars. I mean really. I saw as many nominated movies as possible, I would fill out my own ballots, and on the day of the show I would start watching the E network first thing in the morning to watch a history of the fashions, to the early preview of the red carpet, then I'd watch the show. The ENTIRE thing. Commercials, scientific awards, and all. This was my thing. This was my superbowl. And, I never wanted to host or go to an Oscars party, because it would interfere with my abitlity to actually pay attention. Just give me my TV and a comfy couch and leave me alone, you know?

I have only seen one move in the theater in the past year, and that was Borat. I don't even know if it ended up being nominated for anything? That's besides the point. I would have made no effort to watch the show this year, except that Ellen Degenerous was hosting, and I love that woman with every fiber of my being. She and Steve Martin have officially replaced Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg as the Oscar gods, in my mind.

So last night I decided to watch even if I didn't know any of the movies, and was glad I did. Ellen did not disappoint at all. And I loved that they had plenty of musical and dance numbers. They tried cutting that out of the Oscars a few years ago, and it totally ruined it, IMO. Then again, I think that life would be better in general if it was more like a broadway show where people break out into singing and dancing at a whim, don't you?

I only saw about an hour of it, then I got a phone call from a friend, and ended up talking for 2 hours. I don't feel bad about missing the Oscars.

And today, I have strep throat. Bah. Give me sympathy or my feelings will be hurt.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

More about my therapy

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've recently started therapy again. Lemon Blossom kindly asked me for an update, and I thought I'd just dedicate an entire entry to depression/therapy experience.

It's no secret to any readers of my blog that I heart Dooce. Other than the fact that I believe she and I are total soul sisters, I so greatly admire how Dooce puts a human face to depression. She is living proof that depression does not discriminate based on race, religion, sex, upbringing, etc. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, I am SO glad to live in a generation where there is professional help readily available. I look at the way my father grew up and the way his father was, and it's clear he had depression too, but it wasn't widely talked about or treated back then.

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 12. It was the weirdest thing-- I had a picture perfect childhood. I had siblings that I got along with, parents who provided all of my needs and most of my wants and gave me a lot of love, and opportunities to do anything I wanted to do. The biggest challenge of my childhood was the fact that my dad worked for the US government so we had to move between Utah and Germany a couple of times... but that wasn't much of a challenge. Yes it was difficult to say goodbye to friends and family for a few years, but the experiences I had living in a foreign country were well worth it and I always appreciated that. So here I am, 12 years old and in seventh grade, and suddenly feeling like I was taking up too much space and probably ought to jump off of a bridge. I mentioned this to my parents during dinner one night, and thank GOD they didn't take it lightly and got me into a therapist and a psychiatrist in lightning fast speed.

I was told that I had a chemical imbalance, which didn't make sense to me until many years later. I finally came to terms with the fact that depression is not just a mental thing, it's also a physical ailment. From agest 12-20 I was off an on several different types of anti-depressants. I probably should have continued on the meds after 20, but I didn't think I needed them, and after that I went through about 8 dark years. Of course this is all hindsight. By the time I was 28, I had finally adjusted well to my life and made several positve (although difficult!) changes, and was at last happy with the skin I was in. But it's kinda like changing a lightbulb. You can change it and it burns brightly for a period of time, but if you don't change it again when the light dims out, you're left in the dark.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm able to see the signs that tell me when I need to seek professional help. Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. There's no shame in that. It's not that YOU did anything wrong, or even necessarily because someone wronged you. It's because sometimes shitty things happen, sometimes they don't. Sometimes there's absolutely no reason for you to be sad, sometimes there are. Regardless of the reasons, coping with life can be difficult.

I'm not saying that medication is for everyone, clearly it's not. I am saying that it can be very beneficial for anyone to talk to an unbiased, professional source. I didn't click with my first therapist, then clicked immediately and amazingly with my second. For me, the key to successful therapy is to be completely and brutally honest. They're not there to judge you, they're there to help. Anything you could possibly tell them, I can almost guarantee that they've heard worse. I had my second appoinment with my therapist today, and I went over the history of my last 10-15 years. She brought into light all that I've had to deal with, all the changes I've made, all that I've experienced, in a one hour session. She gave me some assigments before I see her again. I have to buy an artists book with a hardbound cover with a spiral attachment. I can use this to write in, draw in, scribble, do whatever I want. She gave me one artistic assigment (I'm not an artist, but she believes this task will uncover some of what's underneath) as well as 5 writing assigments. I told her "Oh, I blog! I blog! I write all the time" She thought that was great, but wants these writings to be so intensely private, that she won't even read them. It's all for me, in an effort to really discover myself.

There can't be any shame in the fact that I'm giddy with excitement over this. She is not only listening to me without judgment, but she understands me. She gets what I'm saying. She is giving me physical, not just mental suggestions. I am going to find myself, and I'm going to like it.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Best opening to a movie EVAR!



I watched High Fidelity this weekend, I love love LOVE this movie.

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Friday, February 16, 2007

The key to any successful relationship

I took a communications class several years ago. This is one of those classes that I absorbed every ounce of what was taught, and realy, truly internalized it. This class was about not just communication, but using communication to overcome your fears, which will help you become the person that you want to be.

The simple, yet complex, definition of communiction is Meaning and Understanding. For true communication to take place, the conveyance of the ideas through intended word meanings or nonverbal gestures must be totally received and understood by the receiver. It is imperative that both receiver and sender in an interpersonal encounter have a common background of shared experiences between them for meaningful communication to take place. The greater the overlap in shared experiences, the more enhanced meaningful communication is.

Whose responsibility is it to ensure that meaningful communication takes place? My professor believed that it was as much as 90% the responsibility of the sender, and 10% of the receiver, to ensure they understood what was meant. Take for instance, if someone gives me directions on how to get somewhere, they say "Just get on the freeway, take the 3rd exit, take a right and drive on that road for a mile, it will be the white house on your left. Where I live, I have I:215 that comes before I:15. Which freeway were they talking about? It is the senders responsibiilty to say "Take I:15", but if they don't, it should be up to the receiver to clarify. So many mistakes in communication take place when assumptions are made.

It is NEVER a waste of time to ensure that Meaning and Understanding have taken place. Everything that we are or wish others to think of us is exhibited in our behavior, verbal as well as nonverbal. What we are, influences how others react to us.

Meanings are not in words. Meanings are in people and their experiences. Words are poor conveyors of meaning. Offense is never given, it is taken. If you are offended by something, it is okay and certainly in your right. However, realize that if you are offended, it's because you chose to be. Try to understand where the other person is coming from, and be slow to take offense.

I went to dinner last night with a friend and she and I talked for over 3 hours non stop, and a lot of these thoughts came to my mind. Just thought I'd put them out there.

Cheers and Happy Friday to everyone!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sad Day

Like many other Utahn's, I can't stop watching or reading the news today about the teen gunman who went on a senseless shooting rampage at Trolley Square Mall. I'm not attempting to over-sensationalize this story, just express my sadness. As far as I know, I don't personally know anybody affected by this, but it's too early to say for sure. Trolley Square has always been one of my favorite spots in all of Salt Lake City. It's one of the rare and fascinating places that gives the city its unique fingerprint. I have always loved going there- as a child and as an adult.

My heart and sympathies go out to all of those who have been directly and indirectly impacted by this tragedy. While my own problems seem difficult to me, this puts it all into perspective.

Monday, February 12, 2007

I can be a domestic goddess when I wanna be!

I try to pretend like I'm a modern day woman who lives for every day conveniences, but there are still some things I like to do the old fashioned way. One of them, is baking. I love to make breads, cookies, cakes, etc., without pre-mixed packages. I still own and adore my rolling pin. There is something very satisfying about the process of creating something lovely from scratch. And if I do say so myself, I make the best sugar cookies!

My results:



And I have to brag about my BFF, Shiree! I had lessons to learn how to decorate, and she is self-taught and amazing!




Yes, Christy and Shiree rock at the cookies and no, you can't have any! Well maybe... some of you can...

I wanted to talk a bit more about therapy, and thank everyone again for your comments. I started going to therapy when I was 12, and have been off and on ever since. At times it's worked great, others not so well. I'm a big advocate of it, and I see no shame in admitting when I need help.

Now I'm going to go eat another cookie.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Oops, I originally published this without a title!

It's been two years since I admitted to myself that I no longer believed in mormonism. The doubts and questions were there for at least two years prior, but it was two years ago this month that I officially stopped paying tithing and said "Joseph Smith is full of shit!"

At this same time I found The DAMU, (although my preference is now the new and improved New DAMU AKA FLAK), and soon after that I found a non-advertised underground DAMUU that I would link to, but I think they like it small and want to keep their privacy.

The owner of the board at that time was Voodew (who has posted comments to this very blog from time to time!). Voodew was trying to get some new posts going on the board so he gave us all thread assigments. Mine was something to the effect of "I may have left mormonism behind but I still act like one in these ways...."

My response was along the lines that I was worried about lightning striking since I recently stopped paying tithing (lightning did strike, my entire department was layed off within a few months. Then I ended up with a great promotion within the same company immediately after!). My other sentiments were that I was always wondering what I could do to help others. Mormonism was all about serving everyone, sacrificing yourself, give give give, go go go, collapse at the end of the day, wake up and do it all over again. You can never give enough.

Nurturing is natural for me. It is innate for me to want to take care of and rescue people. There is nothing wrong with assisting or helping others, but not at the risk of losing myself. Mormonism made me feel that if I did what I wanted to do for me, I was selfish and self-serving. I am in the process of breaking that cycle!

It's no surprise to some of my blog readers that I'm in therapy, although it may be a surprise to others. I had been seeing a therapist who wasn't really clicking with me. At my wits end I called the place that I have to go through for insurance purposes, and demanded someone different. I saw a woman yesterday who provided an amazing sense of clarity for me, and who really understood where I was coming from and very intune to what I need help with. For so long I have done what other people want me to do or think I should do, so I'm being introspective and yes... some may call it selfish. It's impossible for me to grow and thrive if I'm depending on everyone around me being okay, in order for me to be okay.

So, that's where I am right now. I've been going through some tough shit lately, a bunch of stuff that I don't want to blog about. I have neglected responding to all of my blog comments, because I simply haven't had the energy. Thanks to everyone who continues to read and respond... each time I get a message in my inbox saying that I have a new response, I get a little excited. No need to worry about me, I'm going to be just fine. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I am going full steam ahead.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

All About Me

My mother is making a great effort to dejunk her basement. I admire her desire and drive... although much to my dismay, I left a lof of stuff there (It's been a decade!), so she dumped it at my house tonight. In these boxes contained old cassette tapes, letters from friends, boyfriends and missionaries, old homework assignments, notes, etc. Among these gems was a folder from 8th grade, titled "All About Me".

The cover of the folder had a design I created with the coolest of fashion brand labels. Don't judge me here-- I had only been exposed to clothes I could buy at the BX (Base Exchange) on an Airforce base! This included labels for ESPRIT, Swatch, Gitano, and Malibu U!

The post that follows is from the brain of an 8th grade Christy. Keep in mind, I had just moved to Utah after living in Germany for 5 out of 6 years. I felt like I had not a friend in the world. Everything I type from here on out is [sic]. Even still, I got an A out of the assignment.

10-25-88
"Childhood Memories"

When I was about 7 years old I went to Switzerland with my friend and her family.

We went to Bern Switzerland to see the famous bears. After we saw them, we walked down the streets and in the shops. I looked down at something then when I looked up I couldn't find the people I was with. I got really scared and sat down and began to cry. After a while a swiss man came up and asked me what was wrong in a language I couldnt understand. I told him in English I didn't know what he was saying, so he got his wife who spoke English. I told her I was lost. She immediately took me to the Police station. The police asked me for a description for a family I was with. When I gave them a description, they went out looking for them.

After a while they came in the station.

(Is that story anticlimatic or what? I have a better rendition of it now, including when the police asked me if I wanted a coke and I told them "No, I'm a mormon and I don't drink coke!".... even though I really did!)

10-27-88

If I were to invent any machine, It would be a machine with 4 different powers to do 4 different things. One side a machine with a letter keyboard to type in anything you want, and it would come out the chute. The bad side of it would be that you would get spoiled, and everyone would want it.

On another pannel, a hair dresser that has robot arms that do you hair in the latest styles. The bad part is, that one day it could go chaos and cut off all your hair.

On the third pannel, I'd have a thing that comes out with only the latest style of clothes. A new outfit every day. The bad part is, is that your closet will get tool fool and you will end up with clothes all over your room.

On the last side, I'd have a homework doer. Put the paper in, tell what you want done, and Presto!


Next I had to plan a dinner party where I had specific rules of who I could invite. I had to make a guest list, the reasons why I invited each, arrange the table, and make a menu. I won't go into all the details, but this will show how 80's this was:
Guest List:
Sheli (my sister)
Erika (my best friend)
Andy (my 7th grade crush)
Stephen King
Rick Astley
Mikhail Gorbachev
Myself
Marylou Retten
Mike Tyson
Marilyn Monroe



10-31-88
(this must have been a "finish this sentence" assignment)

1. On weekends, I like to spend time with my friends.
2. I'd like to tell my best friend my deepest and darkest secrets but they're too personal.
3. The happiest day in my life was when I moved back here in the states.
4. If I were five years older I would be in colledge.
5. I am best at writing stories.
6. My favorite vacation place would be in London.
7. I like the kind of teacher who has us read and write a lot.
8. I get angry when people get on my nerves.
9. I trust those who are sincere.
10. I think my parents shouldn't nag so much.
11. I have accomplished to make many friends since I moved her.
12. My worse days are when I wake up late.

It's been over 18 years since I wrote this stuff. I am blown away by how I am still very much the same person that I was, yet so completely and totally different.

And, no typo's here. Remember.. [sic]!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

I love drunk dials

I've had calls from the right coast, from the left coast, from the United Kingdom (I love you Rip Zip and Wry C!), and a few from the same state I live in. It doesn't matter, I love them all!

To my friends who called me the other night (they know who they are... my very hip New Yorker friends!), I'm so sorry I missed your call! I saved that voicemail on my phone so I can use it to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.

Nothing warms my heart more than knowing that my friends are thinking of me when they're in a very happy, inebriated state.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

That's my girl!

This is a conversation I overheard between my daughters:

Alexa: I'm going to marry Jacob [classmate] when I grow up because I love him!
Emilie: Does Jacob doesn't love Maya [another classmate]?
Alexa: Well Maya wants to marry Jacob, but he's just going to marry me!
Me: Alexa, why do you love Jacob?
Alexa: Because he rocks and I love his voice!
***then Alexa turns to speak directly to her sister***
Alexa: Emilie, I want to see his brain!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Lyrics speak to me!

It's been awhile since I've blogged, and I'm sorry to those of you who check in to see absolutely nuthin'! Thanks for continuing to check in, and PLEASE don't stop!! I've had a lot going on in my personal and professional life and have been quite busy!

I've been listenting to Ben Folds Five tonight, one of my favorite bands ever! Ben Folds is a master at the piano and at the lyrics. I was looking some lyrics up, and I came across the following gem:

"Satan Is My Master"

Satan is my master
He has always been
He tells me what to do
He buys my Metallica records for me
And sometimes I think...

Satan is my master


While we're at it, I would like to announce five new blogs to my blog link list!



Aerin Aerin is a fellow ex-mo mother of twins! I used to believe that twin moms were hand picked by god. Now I just believe twin moms, especially ex-mo twin moms, ought to stick together!

Doug Humphrie's Eight Hour Lunch I had the pure pleasure of meeting Doug in real life last summer at the War on Jello, before I knew he was a blogger. If I had permission from him, I would post a picture of him playing the guitar (hint hint!). I've admired Doug from afar for awhile now, so I'm pleased as punch that he wants to be on my blog list! I hope I get to hear him play on his guitar again soon! HEY DOUG! Shiree got a drumset for her birthday, I sense an ex-mo rock band in the making!

Rip Zip So damn funny, so damn intelligent! A fellow youngest of the family like me, so we can relate in many non-bloggable ways! Also the sister of Belaja (mentioned in previous post) so you know the genetics are in their favor. There are so many aspects of her life that I want.

Thunderchops Crap Floats after posting with him on the DAMU for over a year, I finally had the pure pleasure of meeting him in person in October. He is as genuine and kind as they come, and I love his thoughtful writing style. His wife is equally as great, but she doesn't blog.

Wry Catcher Never have I met a woman that I want to emulate more than her. I've been a fan of hers since I very first met her on the DAMU last summer, and was lucky enough to become really great friends with her, even if it's only cyberly for now. Trust me, you want to read her blog. She has a way of wording things that rivals Dooce. I'm thrilled that she finally has a freakin' blog!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The blogs I read and why I read 'em

Warning: If you don't like gushing, I suggest you turn away now. I thought I would explain why each of these links are on my "Blogs I Read" list. Perhaps you can give some of these the traffic they deserve?

In alphabetical order:

A New Eric Eric is a close personal friend of mine, and one of the reasons why I started blogging in the first place. On his blog he journeys his process of developing into the man he wants to become. His stories are always compelling and well written.

Arizona Expositor At one time a convert to mormonism, now finding his spiritual journey with Judaism.

Belaja I met Belaja on the DAMU now the DAMU nearly two years ago. Belaja has always been a hero of mine. She is a very strong, intelligent, and witty woman who is one of the best writers ever. We bonded over U2 when I found out she attended the famous concert at Sun Devil Stadium in Arizona where parts of Rattle And Hum was filmed, and later she then stole my heart by carrying around a fuck you stick and not being afraid to use it on idiots. Vote for Belaja in 2008!

Darwin's Apostle written by my friend Dr. Ros. Ros is the coolest spaz of a woman who recently completed her PhD and has just started her post doc fellowship at a prestigious university. Damn her aspirations that keep her from blogging more often! (I miss you, Ros! When are we gonna make out?)

Dooce Why wouldn't I read Dooce? First blog I ever started following faithfully. I keep hoping that we're going to meet and she'll realize that I'm the best friend she never had but always wanted. I keep my eyes on the lookout for her when I'm out and about in the city, that's not too stalker-ish, is it?

Equality Time I met Equality over a year ago, also on the DAMU. Equality worships U2 almost as much as I do! His blog is extremely well written and thought provoking. He is a non-believer in mormonism who at this time, chooses to remain a part of the church. I think that if someone were to make positive changes from the inside, he would be the man to do it.

Every Wrong Move AKA Liseysmom. Liseysmom and I used to post on the same LDS parenting message board for years, and found the DAMU and left mormonism at the same time. Two years ago this summer, my husband and I made a trip out to her neck of the woods to do a tour of the east coast. Plus, she and her husband took me to my first strip club! Good times, good times.

Fiddley Gomme AKA Pete Dunn. His blog is full of brutal honesty, charm, and charisma. Pete could quite possibly be the male equivelant of Dooce.

La's Self Discovery Blog La is another close personal friend of mine, and yet another reason why I started blogging. It was easier to stalk her this way. I met La about a year ago, and we hit it off and have been great friends ever since. La's blog chronicles her self discovery, always a great read!

Floating in the Milk also a friend from the DAMU. Her blog talks about her experiences attending church as a non believer but who chooses to stay in to support her husband and family. She is a strong woman with fascinating views and opinions.

From the Ashes even though she lives as far away from me as you can get and still be in the same country, I've had the great pleasure of meeting her twice. We left mormonism at the exact same time and found the DAMU at the exact same time, so it's interesting for me to see our progress. Her blog is among the most well written and thought provoking that I know of. She has a beautiful way of expressing herself in an intelligent, concise manner. Secret fantasy: I would love to share a bottle of wine with her and Dooce and just listen to the conversation that would take place after.

Gluby Gluby is new to the blog world but it feels like he's always been there. He started posting and just fit right in. I love what he has to say and love the commentary he brings to my blog.

Jer Illuminated My husbands blog, why wouldn't I read it? He gives his own account of his exit from mormonism and rants about work.

Just One Of Many AKA Amy. Amy is witty, sassy, and sexy. Plus she started the Bitchin' Bikini Club.

Lemon Blossom AKA Bride of Gluby. She is new to the blogging community, also new in her exit from mormonism. She's starting to take up belly dancing, what's not to love?

Letters From a Broad AKA C.L. Hanson I love love love this blog! This woman has it all- looks, brains, intelligence, AND she gets to live in France. She's got a book coming out that I insist you check out! It's called Exmormon, the novel.

Miranda's Meanderings I've known Miranda cyberly for nearly two years now, also from the DAMU. But not the regular DAMU, but the DAMUU (DisAffected Mormon Underground Underground). Miranda is a stellar example that you can do anything you want to do as long as you put your mind to it. Plus I don't think I've seen her make one grammar mistake, ever.

Post Secret I've got a secret that I can't explain. Who doesn't?


Ramblings of a MattMan Matt's blog talks about the difficulties of being unhappily married to a believing spouse. My heart breaks for the guy, I hope he's able to find happiness soon. His story is captivating.

Ramblings of a SAHM Regina Filangi. She is a true sweetheart, and if we didn't live across the country I'm sure we'd be great friends in real life. Poor girl is having massive computer issues at the moment so she's been an absentee. But I miss her, and not in the relief society kind of way!

Rebecca... and all that Entails HI-LAR-I-OUS!!!!! This girl has more wit in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body. I used to think she hated me, then she started reading my blog and being nice to me so I think she likes me now. At any rate, I love her to pieces and hope to meet her in person soon. She rawks!


Sideon's Sanctuary Sideon is my twin sister trapped in a gay mans body. He is thoughtful and well written, and somehow I feel better knowing that he reads my blog and responds. I've been told before that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body, and I believe that is a grand assessment. If he doesn't come out to Utah soon, I'm tempted to crash his place.

Sister Mary Lisa SML is quite possibly the most popular woman in outer bloggness. She makes great efforts to read and respond to everyones blogs, full of support, kindness, and sincerity. She has a way of writing that really takes you into situations and makes you feel like you were there. Her, in and of herself, has made blogging worthwhile. It's a pleasure to know her!

Sum Wun Not new to blogging but new to me! He is close personal friends with Pete Dunn and I can only imagine how fun it would be to be in the same place at the same time as these two. Plus, his writing can be a little on the erotic side and it kinda turns me on.

Tales of the Phoenix Michelle is another IRL friend of mine. She's a nevermo transplant to Utah, but hangs with the ex-mo's. She is gorgeous, funny, and a fabulous cook! She brought me some of her Boston Creme Cupcakes that were out-of-this-world-to-die-for! She met me at my most unglamorous moment but chooses to be my friend anyway, so I love her! :)

Last, but not least....
This, That, and the Other recently changed to Puddle of Nothing (I'll have to change my linky link!). This is Randy. I met Randy at the DAMU (and the DAMUU) a couple of years ago. He is an attorney in New Orleans that chronicles everything from his autistic sons, the cleanup efforts of Hurricane Katrina, TV and movies, and his exit from mormonism. This guy is a real sweetheart and someone I am very glad to know.

*whew*! If you are not on my blog list but would like to be, let me know!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Hawaiian Shirt Fridays

Please please please tell me that I'm not the only one who detests Hawaiian shirt fridays.



Does anyone work in an office that does NOT participate in this hideous ritual?

Happy birthday (one day late) to my BFF Shiree! She has entered her 30's with style and grace! Tomorrow night we're gonna party like it's her birthday, playboy mansion style. I can't wait!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The opposite of charming

Deep thoughts by Christy:

If you're talking to me, and I'm doing all I can to not look at you, and I'm doing my best to rush the conversation, then you probably have food on your face. I would tell you, but we're not at that level of friendship.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Missed opportunities

One of my reasons for disaffection was the fact that I never had any spectacular spiritual moments. I had moments that seemed spiritual, but even as a true believer in the church, I could never reconcile the fact that I had a certain blessing was because I was mormon. If that were the case, then I may as well thank god for being white and rich (globally speaking).

I started thinking about this because recently, I found my patriarchal blessing re-read it. It was rather generic, relatively speaking. I got it when I was very young, and to be completely honest, I wanted it more as a way to tell my future than anything. I was 14 at the time and I wanted to know if I was going to get married and have kids and live to see the second coming. I could have cared less what my lineage was... of course it was Elijah, I was white and American! I did what every young girl is supposed to do before her blessing... I prayed, I fasted, I read the scriptures, I wanted this to happen! Then my best friend in my ward wanted it too, so she scheduled her appointment for a week after mine. I remember going to my blessing and really trying hard to feel spiritual and impressed, but perhaps I had built it up in my head a little too much? Looking back, it was anticlitmatic. After my friend had her blessing she called me to talk about it. We were best friends so of course we could reveal all to each other! Her blessing was practically the same as mine, verbatim. At the time I thought... "huh. Either we're very close, or the patriarchal blessing is a crock". I wasn't best friends with this girl much longer after that, so there goes my first theory.

This got me to thinking about other moments that were supposed to be spiritual but weren't. Not in any specific order other than what comes to my brain first:

Frankfurt temple dedication. I remember the date, it was August 30 1987. The day before my first day of 7th grade. My parents were invited to the celestial room for the dedication, so my sister and I went with my bishop and his wife to one of the other viewing rooms. I still don't understand why my parents were invited to the celestial room and my bishop wasn't. My mom was the stake relief society president, but this other dude was the bishop! He's since revealed that he's gay and is out of the church, but still... it doesn't make sense. I was excited for this- my first temple dedication! It was going to be amazing and spiritual and... why is that old man in the back of the room clearing his throat constantly? Why do I have to wave this stupid handkerchief? I feel silly! This isn't spiritual! What's wrong with me?

Baptisms for the dead. I had heard urband ledgends of people who did baptisms and had visions of those they were doing work for. Never happened for me. Could it be because I was always more interested in where we were going for dinner afterwards or what boys would be in the same car as me on the way home? I dunno, maybe. Still, I felt like there was something wrong with me.

Taking my own endowments out. It wasn't so bad, not terribly freaky or anything. It was weird seeing my friends and family in those weird outfits, acting like everything was normal. Afterwards I had a disagreement with my husband to be and didn't speak to him for several hours. My dad told me about the blood atonments on the way home. (my dad was a non believer all this time... he was trying to give me hints that I didn't catch on to) It was all just "okay". Nothing groudbreaking or spiritual like I had hoped.

Being sealed in the temple. I haven't a clue what was said. I barely remember who was there. I couldn't wear my own dress because it was too low-cut and not completely white. My husbands cousin invited her friend who was doing a session with her at the temple earlier that morning, I think it was a mission companion or something. That pissed me off.

I did have one moment that was spiritual, and that's it. After being home from the hospital with newborn twins for about 4 hours, my reality set in. I cried. And I cried and I cried. For about 36 hours straight, I cried. I finally told my husband to call around and see who could give me a blessing. It was the day after thanksgiving so I suppose we were lucky to get anyone at all, but we ended up with our bishop and good friend from down the street. Not too shabby. We each had blessings, and talked to them for a bit. After they left, we both felt like a huge burden was lifted. When we were figuring out how we felt about the church, this was the one thing that kept us thinking that maybe we should stay. Then I got to thinking, how stupid is that! Yes we felt something that night, but why would god lift my burden just because I knew to ask for a blessing? If there is a god, then no matter what their faith or how they've been taught to believe, he's going to help them out when they need it. That, and I think it helped us to talk to other people who had been through the new parenting process. That, and the next day my sister brought over some of her leftover prozac which held me over until I could get my own prescription.

I have had some moments where I felt enlightenment and spirituality where it wasn't expected. They are:

My first U2 concert. And the 2 other U2 concerts I went to that year were on par.
Walking in Murren, Switzerland. Wry Catcher knows exactly what I'm talking about here!
Finding meaning in an episode of scrubs. This happens whenever it airs.
Overcoming paralyzing fears. I've come a long way, baby!
Re-connecting with close friends that I haven't spoken to in far too long. There's something about a genuine connection to your past.
Finding out that I had more in common with my siblings than I thought. And realizing that I like them, apart from loving them because I have to.

Just to name a few.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

I'm No Superman

Or Superwoman, for that matter.

Did anyone watch Scrubs tonight? As the nature of Scrubs has been, I laughed throughout the episode and was crying by the end. The writers of this show are Pure.Genious. I could probably write a blog post about each and every episode and how it relates to my life. But that would get boring. Still, I'm going to talk about tonights episode.

Spoilers if you haven't seen it and are planning on watching it! Turn away now!

The main plot of tonights episode "My House" revolved around JD and his pregnant girlfriend Kim. Kim has a job offer in another state that would be fantastic for her career, which lasts for 4 months. So does she stay with her boyfriend (who impregnated her), or does she take the opportunity of a lifetime? JD wants her to stay. He loves her, he wants to be with her while she's carrying his child. He can't move with her. However, he can't tell her "Stay! Don't leave me!" so he acts like the supportive boyfriend and encourages her to go, even though it's killing him inside.

I've been in both sides of this scenario, and it's a tough call. You don't want to be the whiney and clingy partner, but you shouldn't be dishonest about your real feelings. Are we still in a day and age where a person needs to play "hard to get" in order to be desireable? Are humans still seeking after the thrill of the hunt? I don't know. I hated these theories when I was on the dating scene. If you can't be genuine with your potential mate, then what's the point? I don't have the answer to these questions. I would like to think I'm 100% genuine with everyone all the time, but I know that's not true. At least it's something that I'm conscientious about and work towards... that's saying something, right?

Ultimately, Kim takes the job, and JD confesses how he really feels about it, but is still supportive. I think this speaks volumes. Neither is sacrificing who they are or how they're feeling, but there is a mutual satisfaction there.

Which leads me to another point, staying true to yourself and maintaining your identity. Now that I think about it, this subject alone could be it's own blog entry, so I'll save that can of worms for another day.

Almost switching gears entirely but still talking about tonights episode of Scrubs, at the very end, we see Carla lying in bed in the maternity ward holding her baby (who was NOT a newborn but closer to 6 months--- whatEVER!) and crying. This is where I felt the tears. I have already written in length about the shock I felt after having newborn twins. I cried for 36 hours straight. I had 3 months of pure hell before I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. 5 years later, life is normal again, but damn... at the time, I thought that was the end of my world, even though I had been given the greatest of "blessings". I love that they're introducing Carla into the world of post-partum depression. I know that they'll do it in true Scrubs style... it will have an amazing sense of honesty without being too much of a downer. In my opinion, life is too short to be serious all the time.

How did this post get so long? Sorry about that. I *heart* Scrubs, if you didn't already know.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Yup, it rules to be me.

A lot of people think I'm silly for living in Utah, especially considering that I'm ex-mormon. I think living in Utah had huge benefits when we left the church. Where there is a higher concentration of mormons, there will be a higher concentration of ex-mormons. Never in my life have I known more genuine, intelligent, not to mention good-looking people. Oh yeah, that's something else I've thought about- I think that only the really good looking and smart people leave the church. At least, it seems like all of the ex-mo's that I know are such.

Wait, what is it about being me that rules? Oh, that's right! So not only do I know all of the really cool local ex-mo's, but I've had the great privilege of meeting several from out of state. Coincidentally, many of them have family here that they visit during the holidays and they need some sanity or reality breaks, a service that I am happy to provide!

Last friday I got to go to dinner with the very lovely Meg Slate (from the DAMU) and her husband Jack. You may remember my gushing over Meg Slate from my recent business trip to New York. We ate fabulous indian food and drank lots of wine, and had incredible conversation. Meg and Jack, thanks for making the time for us! And thanks for the Max Brenner chocolates! I'm doing my best to eat them slowly and savor each bite.

Tonight it was my honor to dine with From The Ashes. This was my second time meeting her, I met her and her husband and son when they visited family in Utah a year ago. I've always felt a special kinship with her because she left the church at the same time I did, and she's been able to express some of my innermost thoughts as they are so inline with hers. Thanks for the dinner invite FTA! We also met with Abner and Mrs. Doon (from the DAMU), they are adorable and fascinating to talk to.

I think it's safe to say that I get to meet the coolest people. They all just come to me. Who's next??

Monday, January 01, 2007

"Do you expect me to get that with my vagina?

Because I'm not that coordinated!"

Said by my friend Shiree, to our friend Chuck.

That's all I'm sayin'....

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Is it any wonder I'm tired?

A friend of mine who reads my blog but NEVER BOTHERS TO POST asked me how I chose the topics that I blog about. Truth be told, I blog when inspiration hits. Blogging can't be forced. If it is, then I think it will suck. Anyway, I'm not one to to name names, but my friend can be seen in This picture and This one.

I've been off of work since the Friday before Christmas. Friday wasn't so bad, my girls went to their babysitter and I was able to have some completely selfish fun. By saturday I had FINALLY finished Christmas shopping for them, and by Sunday, I was relaxed, despite the fact that my husband had to work and it was just me and the girls at home. On Monday, we had a good Christmas. We visited my in-laws and my parents, the girls were spoiled beyond belief, and we got their new beds with new bedding that Santa brought them all set up.

The truth of the matter is, I don't think I could cut it as a stay at home mom. Selfishly, I love the time I spend at work. I love being "Christy" and not mother and wife. I love making decisions and knowing that what I do and say makes a difference in how things are done. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. It's an overwhelming, daunting task to know that what I do and say will probably end up being talked about on a therapists couch, one day. I try my hardest, but I know that eventually, they'll regret everything that I've done for them. I'll just do my best to get them the help that they need and not take it personally. No parent is perfect.

At that note, I'm dreading going back to work. Until a couple of months ago, I was the only person who did my job. With this knowledge, I had a hard time taking time off knowing I was going to have to go back and it would all still be there for me to do. Last fall, my boss allowed me to hire someone to do the busy work so that I could focus on other things. She's been amazing and has caught on extremely well. But I'm still afraid to go back. It's only wednesday and I already have butterflies over what is waiting for me at my desk.